# Trad Mating Rituals - "Birds of a Feather" or "Opposites Attract"



## stillwaters20007 (May 24, 2006)

Gentlemen:

Your responses to my earlier post of "Birds of a Feather" aimed at flushing out (hunting references intended) the Trad-like nature (or not) of your closest friends and social group were illuminating, fascinating and entertaining.

Having just recently attended an event at the National Cathedral where the true Washington "Cave Dwellers" (read - very old money - very old Trad) were out in full force, I was interested and amused by how many Trad-men seemed to be paired with what appeared to be Trad-women, but was equally surprised at the numbers of non-Trad appearing spouses. Interestingly enough, in the latter cases, the wives seemed significantly younger. I believe the phrase is "trophy wife"?

So here's my question of the day. How many of your wives or significant others are Traddies? Or does the saying "opposites attract" best sum up your relationship?

Thanks, gents and fellow-posters, for helping this week fly by.

Still


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## tripreed (Dec 8, 2005)

This is a great question. Unfortunately, I cannot speak from experience about a wife or even girlfriend at this point, but I do know what I like. I do actually find myself torn between a proper girl who wouldn't dare to wear white shoes before Easter, and those of the "Bohemian," indie-rock non-conformist sort. So, "Birds of a Feather" or "Opposites Attract"? For me, I'd say equal parts of both.


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## A.Squire (Apr 5, 2006)

tripreed said:


> This is a great question. Unfortunately, I cannot speak from experience about a wife or even girlfriend at this point, but I do know what I like. I do actually find myself torn between a proper girl who wouldn't dare to wear white shoes before Easter, and those of the "Bohemian," indie-rock non-conformist sort. So, "Birds of a Feather" or "Opposites Attract"? For me, I'd say equal parts of both.


Or as they say in England, "any port in storm"&#8230;(wink)

Allen


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## Topsider (Jul 9, 2005)

My wife's pretty trad, I suppose. Conservative Ann Taylor and Talbots clothes for work, and preppy-looking casual wear (LLB, Polo, Lilly Pulitzer, etc.) We look like we belong together.


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## A.Squire (Apr 5, 2006)

KentW said:


> My wife's pretty trad, I suppose. Conservative Ann Taylor and Talbots clothes for work, and preppy-looking casual wear (LLB, Polo, Lilly Pulitzer, etc.) We look like we belong together.


Kent,
Does she have any old pennies that she favors? 
And does Lilly have a season?
Just curious,
Allen


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## Topsider (Jul 9, 2005)

Allen said:


> Does she have any old pennies that she favors? And does Lilly have a season?


She prefers flats and pumps to loafers, as she thinks they make her feet look big. Lilly is mostly for summer, as it's all pretty wild-looking.


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## Coolidge24 (Mar 21, 2005)

This is a funny topic, I suppose I'll bite

I tend to like friendly, cute girls who are reasonably intelligent, do not dress like whores, and are either politically conservative, moderate, or apathetic so we don't fight over that. Often they end up being somewhat religious. Usually they are good at either getting involved in conversations in groups, or good at listening, or both. They can usually go anywhere with me--a cocktail party, a baseball game, out to dinner, and fit in and look normal. Only one has been of the "trad" stereotype if you want to base that on Metropolitan, OPH, etc. Curiously though, all of them seem to play tennis. Much much better than I. Most have been Protestant. Most have been public schoolers from nice suburbs or small towns just like me, in New England. As for clothes, only the very trad girl particularly liked my tradwear, but the others did not (at least to me) object to it or criticize it.

Dating people in law school is very difficult. I do not want to date another law student, and I have an unresolved thing from my college days that still lingers annoyingly. Thus I find myself in a position of waiting that out and not having time to persue anyone else. I'm stuck, as it were, for at least another year.

On the whole, as long as the above criteria are met, I'm very easy to please.


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## A.Squire (Apr 5, 2006)

My wife and I have similar tastes. Actually, her taste is better. (wow, does that read weird).

But I must say, she does like her Jeans. But then again, I must admit that I like her jeans. (wink) (on her, not me)

Allen


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## A.Squire (Apr 5, 2006)

Coolidge24 said:


> This is a funny topic, I suppose I'll bite
> 
> I tend to like friendly, cute girls who are reasonably intelligent, do not dress like whores, and are either politically conservative, moderate, or apathetic so we don't fight over that. Often they end up being somewhat religious. Usually they are good at either getting involved in conversations in groups, or good at listening, or both. They can usually go anywhere with me--a cocktail party, a baseball game, out to dinner, and fit in and look normal. Only one has been of the "trad" stereotype if you want to base that on Metropolitan, OPH, etc. Curiously though, all of them seem to play tennis. Much much better than I. Most have been Protestant. Most have been public schoolers from nice suburbs or small towns just like me, in New England. As for clothes, only the very trad girl particularly liked my tradwear, but the others did not (at least to me) object to it or criticize it.
> 
> ...


Out of curiosity what has been the general opinion of your girl friends when you show up in your, grandfathers?, Caddy?
I lost a girl friend in undergrand to a guy with a huge purple Buick Electra.

Allen


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## Coolidge24 (Mar 21, 2005)

*A mixed bag*



Allen said:


> Out of curiosity what has been the general opinion of your girl friends when you show up in your, grandfathers?, Caddy?
> I lost a girl friend in undergrand to a guy with a huge purple Buick Electra.
> 
> Allen


The Cadillac (yes you are right it was my late grandfather's) tends to be a plus rather than a minus. Please note that, though some of the same model have been converted by subcultures into hoopties, mine is still as it was right out of the Detroit factory, in the good old days when they wouldn't just sell a Cadillac to anyone. Therefore, in many cases it is accorded just as much status as a new luxury car might be and has some venerable charm and character as well. The fact that my grandfather installed one of the first click-alarms on it helps along the idea that it's nice, rather than, well...

Most women, just as most men, either see it as

a)old, classy, and elegant
b) grandfatherly, but in a nostalgic, complimentary way
c) pimping/mafia-esque
d) atrocious gas-guzzling dinosaur
e) they make no comment because they don't know or care about cars as long as they are comfortable and they aren't embarassed to be seen in it.

Mostly a) or b), sometimes c) but they are either joking or like it because of that. Women who are conservative, moderate, or apolitical never express opinion d). The only women who express that opinion are already critical for many other reasons, including my J.Press elephant tie.

For my part, I wish it were black rather than white, but black wouldn't go with the interior, which is also white.


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## A.Squire (Apr 5, 2006)

Coolidge24 said:


> The Cadillac (yes you are right it was my late grandfather's) tends to be a plus rather than a minus. Please note that, though some of the same model have been converted by subcultures into hoopties, mine is still as it was right out of the Detroit factory, in the good old days when they wouldn't just sell a Cadillac to anyone. Therefore, in many cases it is accorded just as much status as a new Mercedes and has some venerable charm and character as well. The fact that my grandfather installed one of the first click-alarms on it helps along the idea that it's nice, rather than, well...
> 
> Most women, just as most men, either see it as
> 
> ...


You didn't ask, but I view it as (a) and (b), although after we've finished our first few and it's time to make a "B double E double R-U-N", I can assure you we're all piling into your car because of (c) and (e). And a finger might even be extended if the guy driving the Prius stares too long because he thinks (d).

Whatever you do, don't get rid of that car.

Allen


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## longwing (Mar 28, 2005)

My wife is neither a Muffy nor a trophy (well, she is a trophy, but one of my own age). I guess her favorite brand/designer is Eileen Fisher, followed closely by Anthropologie. Oh, and there is Kate Spade. She has begun to admire the Ben Silver catalog (or is it the blonde? I hope not).


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## Coolidge24 (Mar 21, 2005)

Allen said:


> And a finger might even be extended if the guy driving the Prius stares too long because he thinks (d).
> 
> Whatever you do, don't get rid of that car.
> 
> Allen


HAHAHA....the funny thing is my mother DOES drive a Prius (has never stopped her and my father from enjoying being driven around by me in the Cadillac to some restaurant!), they look pretty funny parked together in the driveway when I visit my parents. In college, a friend came home with me and observed wryly "it looks like your family has some conflicting values..." But, I'll never get rid of it. In Hartford, I know where it'll end up if I sell it. I'll have it parted out and crushed before I let that happen.

Back on topic, tripreed is not the only Trad who likes Bohemians. I think I remember Horace expressing approval too, last year. I think there may be a subset of trads who have a distinct interest in that type.

I'm not a fan of Bohemians, myself. They just wouldn't fit well with my personality or interests.


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## shuman (Dec 12, 2004)

Perhaps both the bohemian and trads are, in their own ways thumbing their nose at modern am-jack lookalikes.


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## crs (Dec 30, 2004)

I dated all kinds of women -- I wasn't looking to find a female equivalent of myself. My wife is reasonably Trad-looking but not as hung-up on buying American-made clothing and footwear as I am because she works for a Japanese-owned international trading company and thinks I am a bit unrealistic about that.


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## Coolidge24 (Mar 21, 2005)

shuman said:


> Perhaps both the bohemian and trads are, in their own ways thumbing their nose at modern am-jack lookalikes.


I think that's a very penetrating thought, frankly. They both really are doing just that.


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## knickerbacker (Jun 27, 2005)

*opposites attract..*

Oh my, opposites attract is the case in my home- all I can say is this: I really utilized uncharacteristic restraint of pen and tongue in all of the comments in the "trad girlfriend" thread regarding tattoos.


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## Harris (Jan 30, 2006)

I married a preppy. We'll leave it at that. Shared tastes and interests make for a happy life. We love to "go antiquing", for instance. She's big into gardening and volunteering in the community and throwing parties and hosting get-togethers and all that. Great gal. She's a Princetonian, but the cool kind.

Cooly, I bet FEDSOC gatherings are great for meeting preppy gals, eh? Or no?


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## Topsider (Jul 9, 2005)

knickerbacker said:


> all I can say is this: I really utilized uncharacteristic restraint of pen and tongue in all of the comments in the "trad girlfriend" thread regarding tattoos.


Hmm...


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## Coolidge24 (Mar 21, 2005)

Harris said:


> I married a preppy. We'll leave it at that. Shared tastes and interests make for a happy life. We love to "go antiquing", for instance. She's big into gardening and volunteering in the community and throwing parties and hosting get-togethers and all that. Great gal. She's a Princetonian, but the cool kind.
> 
> Cooly, I bet FEDSOC gatherings are great for meeting preppy gals, eh? Or no?


Well, not as many gals period as I'd like...but one of them is beautiful in restrained way, tasteful, conservative, even trad-ish, and...taken  The best always are, it seems.


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## longwing (Mar 28, 2005)

Cooly: Taken? That means that they are either married or going out with your best friend. Otherwise, not taken.


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## Doctor Damage (Feb 18, 2005)

Coolidge24 said:


> ...and I have an unresolved thing from my college days that still lingers annoyingly. Thus I find myself in a position of waiting that out and not having time to persue anyone else. I'm stuck, as it were, for at least another year.


Homer Simpson had good advice on that one: "Six words -- I'm not gay but I'll learn". That should do the trick.


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## Coolidge24 (Mar 21, 2005)

Doctor Damage said:


> Homer Simpson had good advice on that one: "Six words -- I'm not gay but I'll learn". That should do the trick.


I really don't get it, I'm sorry. Please explain. Do you mean that because nothings shaking I should switch teams? No thanks.


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## Coolidge24 (Mar 21, 2005)

LongWing said:


> Cooly: Taken? That means that they are either married or going out with your best friend. Otherwise, not taken.


By those standards not, but it often requires more of an effort than I have time to make to wrest them away.


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## eagle2250 (Mar 24, 2006)

My wife and I have far more in common than not...many shared interests but, there are differences that keep things interesting. We are both TRAD in terms of dress, values and lifestyle choices. I have probably been overly focused and driven most of my life, while she is gentle, caring and compassionate and those are the differences that compliment and seem to make us work well together. When first we met, well over three decades ago, she took the breath away from a young, somewhat brash, second lieutenant and today she is my "Trophy" wife!


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## dpihl (Oct 2, 2005)

*Opposites in many ways*

My Wife and I are a textbook example of "opposites attract".

For one thing, we went to rival high schools.

For another, I remember a costume party in high school where she went as a preppy. She wore pink overalls and a green polo shirt with one of those off brand logos.

Anyway, the reason I say we're opposites has little to do with clothing.

My wife is refined, sophisticated, reserved, and very, very smart. Straight "A's" in high school, straight "A's" in college (on a full ride scholarship), Cum Laude and Phi Beta Kappa, etc.

She has gone back to nursing school, and shocked everybody. The "weeder classes" that keep most people out of medical school? Straight "A's". She has skewed the grading curve many times.

Now she's into the nitty gritty stuff, working full time, and still scoring "A's" on every exam.

Like the rest of you, I don't know what she sees in me.


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## Mrharristweedmbe (Jul 27, 2014)

With all the guys that dress "cool" that don't like trad girls, I think trad girls might be easiest to date. Good for me...:icon_cheers:


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## Duvel (Mar 16, 2014)

Same here. The great thing about my wife is that she doesn't neatly fit categories (do any of us, for that matter?). Sometimes she reminds me of a mod 60s model, sometimes a hippy flower child, sometimes she's rather Ivy League preppy, and sometimes a bit out of the early 90s grunge era, when she was in college. Keeps things interesting. When she's wearing flared jeans and an untucked paisley button-up shirt, the effect still makes me stop in my tracks.

In college, my least successful dates, in terms of overall compatibilty, were those who were most trad, especially sorority girls and the like. They were often stunningly pretty, and extremely well dressed, but they were often also very superficial and snobby and not very smart about cultural things, surprisingly enough.



tripreed said:


> This is a great question. Unfortunately, I cannot speak from experience about a wife or even girlfriend at this point, but I do know what I like. I do actually find myself torn between a proper girl who wouldn't dare to wear white shoes before Easter, and those of the "Bohemian," indie-rock non-conformist sort. So, "Birds of a Feather" or "Opposites Attract"? For me, I'd say equal parts of both.


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