# Do You Send Things Back When You Dine Out?



## Chase Hamilton (Jan 15, 2007)

Gentlemen:

I send things back in a restaurant _frequently_.

After all, why should I pay for something that is not to my liking? I have found that If I make my feelings known in a courteous and discreet manner, there is never an issue when I send back food that has been served to me that I do not care for.

If anything, I find better assertive gets me _better_ service.

Kind Regards,

Chase


----------



## The Gabba Goul (Feb 11, 2005)

I have in the past, I try not to make a habbit out of it...I've known some chefs in the past...you dont want to know what alot of them do to your food if you send it back...


----------



## StevenRocks (May 24, 2005)

Typically, the only time I'll send something back is if it's inedible.


----------



## rip (Jul 13, 2005)

Chase Hamilton said:


> Gentlemen:
> 
> I send things back in a restaurant _frequently_.
> 
> ...


Seems to me, if you find yourself sending things back "frequently", you might want to question either your choice of restaurants or, perhaps, an excessively picky sense of taste.


----------



## rip (Jul 13, 2005)

I will send things back from time to time, but certainly infrequently. I would guess the frequency is directly proportioanl to the cost of the meal or the wine. I'm much more likely to send a back an overcooked $40 Porterhouse, than I am an undercooked $10 hamburger.


----------



## agnash (Jul 24, 2006)

I find that my wife is more likely to send something back than I am, but sometimes it happens. I try to be understanding when I do, and I will only send something back if I believe the error was on the part of the preparer, and not the orderer. Monday I was out with my wife at lunch celebrating Lundi Gras. We were at a fairly nice restaurant, and I ordered a dry martini, up with olives. From the first sip I knew what had happened. Bartenders often (in my experience) make the mistake of assuming that someone who wants olives in his martini wants that martini to be made "dirty" (with olive brine included). I do not like my martinis so, but I did understand the mistake. I was saved by the waitress who saw the look on my face. On the other hand, if I had ordered something unusual just for the sake of trying it, and it turned out to not be to my taste, I would not send it back, becuase it would have been my fault for ordering it.


----------



## CCabot (Oct 4, 2006)

Depends really. The one thing I always send back is wrongly cooked steak. I cannot stand restaurants that are not able to cook a steak to a customer's actual specifications.


----------



## globetrotter (Dec 30, 2004)

I will only send back something that doesn't comply with what I was offered/what I ordered. a poorly cooked item, a stale item, something that has turned, something that was misrepresented on the menu. I would be suprised if we are talking about more than 10 times in 20 years. 

Often, I will discuss with the waiters before hand - for instance, many italian dishes are misrepresnted in american italian resteraunts - veal marsala has mushrooms, fetechini alfredo has peas, etc. I have learned to be very tolerant of these things, I will ask before I order, to make sure what they are offering me. 

and, of course, if you are eating in a very basic place, you can't expect perfection. 


to be frank - I think the idea of sending back food "often" is extremly poor form. there is no reason for you not to pay for food you don't care for - you are justified is the food was misrepresented. once you have ordered the food, and it has left the kitchen, the resteraunt has spent money on it that will never be recapped.


----------



## Wayfarer (Mar 19, 2006)

Rarely, but when I deem it warranted, I have no hesitations in doing it. As others have intimated, be polite about it. It would be foolish to be rude to people that have your food out of your direct sight. As someone said, globie I think, my inclination to do it is proportional to the setting. 

The last time I sent something back I can remember was Sept. 06, our anniversay dinner. A very upscale steak house and my medium steak was barely seared. This is a place we frequent, the first time every I was less than totally happy with things. The outcome shows the power of modern day data bases: the manager came over, apologized profusely. The steak was of course rectified, but for dessert he sent over a $40 glass of port to me (63 Taylor-Fladgate), a nice ice wine for my wife, and both of our usual desserts, all on the house. He obviously had pulled our records off the reservation list and knew exactly what we liked.

As mentioned above, if you frequently send items back, that would be an indicator of an intrinsic problem with the dining out process for you.


----------



## DocHolliday (Apr 11, 2005)

Almost never. If the food is inedible, served cold or was terribly misrepresented, I'll send it back. If I just don't like it and the problem is subjective, then I won't order it again/return to the restaurant.

I've seen people eat an entire meal, then demand it be comped because of some "problem" with their food. I think that's outrageous.


----------



## The Gabba Goul (Feb 11, 2005)

DocHolliday said:


> Almost never. If the food is inedible, served cold or was terribly misrepresented, I'll send it back. If I just don't like it and the problem is subjective, then I won't order it again/return to the restaurant.
> 
> I've seen people eat an entire meal, then demand it be comped because of some "problem" with their food. I think that's outrageous.


I was once at the local Claim Jumper, now if you dont have one of them in your area...it's like any other "sit-down" chain restaurant...close in comparrison to Chilis or the like only with a 49er theme...any-who...there was a party of a bout 10 at the next table over...they gave the waitress such a hard time while they were there...then, after everybody was finished eating, one person sitting at the table started yelling and screaming at the manager because their hamburger wasnt to their liking (although he ate the whole thing), he was raising his voice so the entire restaurant could hear, demanding that the whole table eat for free because of this "screw up"...the manager finaly bowed to this moron's demands...probably just to get him out of there...I couldnt believe what I had just seen...


----------



## Coolidge24 (Mar 21, 2005)

globetrotter said:


> the resteraunt has spent money on it that will never be recapped.


In complete kindness, I think you mean "recouped"

The only times I send food back are

a) it is expensive and badly done

b) I asked specifically for them not to put some sauce or something on it, to serve it to me without said sauce or acoutrement, and they do anyway. Then I ask them to take it off. Not usually recook it unless it ruins the entire dish.

When I complained about something on the food my parents served me my mother always said "son, if you don't like it you can scrape it off." I abide by that at the restaurant too, except they can scrape it off.


----------



## Gurdon (Feb 7, 2005)

*very rare meat*

Although I have very strong food preferences, unless something is really too awful to eat (spoiled or otherwise defective), I won't send it back. I cannot recall the last time something wasn't right. The only exception to this is rare meat.

I like steaks very rare. I can eat, and even enjoy, an occasional medium rare piece of meat, especially if it is well marbled prime beef. So, if there is color in the middle, I make the best of it and try to remember to be really clear with the waiter next time I am in that restaurant. On the few occasions when I get a grey steak after ordering it blood rare, I send it back.

Regards,
Gurdon


----------



## anglophile23 (Jan 25, 2007)

Only if its not the dish I ordered or inedible.


----------



## eyedoc2180 (Nov 19, 2006)

It is always a judgement call, but my prejudice is NOT to send something back if it is just the chef's interpretation that doesn't suit me perfectly. If something is truly bad, that's another story. I can only remember sending back a broiled 3 lb. lobster that was WAY overdone, and a rack of lamb that literally contained no meat, only fat. You occasionally hear stories of a vengeful kitchen staff, and I try not to be the target of some prank on the follow-up dish. I suppose I tend to vote with my feet or perhaps advise the manager of the issue.
Though not very fussy, I have actually had worse luck with wine. I seem to get a "corked" selection more often than I get a bad plate of food.
Bill


----------



## Concordia (Sep 30, 2004)

Very occasionally my wife, who insists that fish be cooked through, will ask for a dish to be warmed up a bit if served too rare.

Personally, I tend not to do this with food, and would generally do it only if it was something I hadn't ordered or had specifically asked not to have. Or if, as in the fish example, it were not safe to eat. Judgement calls on quality I tend to let through. If a restaurant can't be bothered to learn how to cook a steak medium rare, do I really want to risk a second time, with the attendant delay, etc.? Easier just to make a note of it for next time.

Corked wine, on the other hand, I will usually ask the steward to taste. The good ones will do the right thing immediately. You've got to be realistic there, though. I once had a massively corked glass in the equivalent of a Chili's in central Ohio. The waiter didn't look old enough to be handling an open glass legally, and probably had no clue what cork taint even was. As I didn't really need to have wine that evening, I chalked it up to (in)experience.


----------



## Badrabbit (Nov 18, 2004)

I would say that anyone who sends food back frequently is either:

a) Absurdly picky to the point that it is not the restaurants fault. 
or 
b) Absolutely awful at knowing one's own taste. 

Either way, it is certainly the fault of the diner and not the restaurants in question. 

To insist that any little thing that is not to a person's liking is reason to return the item is ludicrous. 

Would you take back a half empty bottle of wine to the bottle shop because the particular vintage lacked the finish that you wanted? 

Would you return half-eaten cobs of corn to the grocery because they were not sweet enough for your taste?

When I managed restaurants, if we had a patron who frequently sent back meals, I would eventually propose to them that our food was obviously not to their liking and that perhaps they should try somewhere else. I would not bar them from coming back but I would no longer comp food that they sent back to our kitchen. Furthermore, if I had a friend who sent things back purely because they didn't like the dish, I would refuse to eat out with them rather than be associated with their poor manners. 

The only legitimate reasons to send a dish back are those mentioned by previous posters (over\under cooked, turned, drastically different from description, etc...). The proper response to a meal that is not to one's tastes is to chalk it up to a bad menu choice or to find another place to eat in the future .


----------



## SGladwell (Dec 22, 2005)

I think I might have sent back food three or four times in my life. Wine has happened a little more often. Maybe 10-12 times. All because of cork issues.


----------



## 127.72 MHz (Feb 16, 2007)

I send food back whenever I want the chefs to defile it,...

Perhaps a bottle of wine with cork in it.

Some chef's are insulted even if they're ethical. Others have no ethics, I say it's a no win. Worst case senerio I might send it back and ask for nothing in return.

Regards,

Bill
Portland, Oregon


----------



## Badrabbit (Nov 18, 2004)

127.72 MHz said:


> I send food back whenever I want the chefs to defile it,...


Exactly. Anyone who sends things back often has almost certainly done so when there were unscrupulous chefs in the kitchen (they exist in the cheapest diners and in the most highly regarded kitchens in the country, trust me on this). There is no telling how many saliva soaked steaks and t-bagged mashed potatoes that person would end up eating over a lifetime.


----------



## yachtie (May 11, 2006)

Badrabbit said:


> ... t-bagged mashed potatoes...


 I've never heard this one before. Care to elaborate?


----------



## Badrabbit (Nov 18, 2004)

yachtie said:


> I've never heard this one before. Care to elaborate?


It involves the placing of one's dangly parts into the food before sending it out. You would think this one would mostly happen in lower class establishments but the stories I have heard from people who have seen it done first hand always involved fine dining restaurants.

Had I ever heard of it happening in one of the places I ran, I would have instantly fired whoever had done it and probably called the cops on them. This is not to say that it never happened in one of my places. It may have but I was unaware of it.


----------



## yachtie (May 11, 2006)

Badrabbit said:


> It involves the placing of one's dangly parts into the food before sending it out. You would think this one would mostly happen in lower class establishments but the stories I have heard from people who have seen it done first hand always involved fine dining restaurants.
> 
> Had I ever heard of it happening in one of the places I ran, I would have instantly fired whoever had done it and probably called the cops on them. This is not to say that it never happened in one of my places. It may have but I was unaware of it.


^^^ And that's why I rarely send food back.


----------



## Badrabbit (Nov 18, 2004)

yachtie said:


> ^^^ And that's why I rarely send food back.


Let me further point out that few line cooks or chefs are going to be angry because you sent back a dish that was improperly cooked or containing ingredients that have turned (they will likely be embarrassed and go to extra lengths to make it right). However, sending back a dish because it is not to one's taste generally makes them angry.


----------



## pt4u67 (Apr 27, 2006)

I recall once I did but it was a sort of amusing, and somewhat embarrassing for me, situation. My wife and I were visiting my mother-in-law in the country and we went out to a little country supper club. I was in the mood for fried catfish, ordered it, and when it arrived it was the WHOLE FISH! Being a city boy I had never had to eat fish off the bone let alone with the head and tail still attached. I was a bit embarrassed and had to send it back or else go hungry. I had the fried chicken with a side of oh-so-good corn fritters.


----------



## Badrabbit (Nov 18, 2004)

pt4u67 said:


> I recall once I did but it was a sort of amusing, and somewhat embarrassing for me, situation. My wife and I were visiting my mother-in-law in the country and we went out to a little country supper club. I was in the mood for fried catfish, ordered it, and when it arrived it was the WHOLE FISH! Being a city boy I had never had to eat fish off the bone let alone with the head and tail still attached. I was a bit embarrassed and had to send it back or else go hungry. I had the fried chicken with a side of oh-so-good corn fritters.


The fried tail is the best part of the fish. You missed out.


----------



## charms (Mar 24, 2007)

I almost never send food back, even though I probably should have on a few occasions, most recently a _severely _overcooked steak. It usually strikes me as not worth the hassle, nor the uncomfortable inconvenience to my fellow diners. "No, start without me...really...go ahead...I'm sure...I'll just wait"

Probably one of the most stunning displays of this that I've seen was at a wedding. At my table, two girls and their dates sent back their filets because "they didn't look good" and made quite a scene of it, all within earshot of the father of the bride.


----------



## eyedoc2180 (Nov 19, 2006)

Charms' banquet story reminds me of my own near-gaffe. I was served a filet mignon, nearly microscopic in size, at our office holiday party. Closer inspection revealed that the filet had been cut in half after cooking, with my half a mirror image of the guy's filet next to me. I gasped as the plate hit the table and got halfway through my complaint to the server when I realized that everyone else's was the same size. It also occurred to me that our staff had worked really hard on this party, with elegant decorations, great menu, and open bar in this nice establishment. I abruptly shut up and had an extra piece of bread. My point is, sometimes you just have to ask yourself, "am I really being an ass by sending this back?" That is the litmus test for me. Bill


----------



## mannaman (Aug 26, 2005)

Well, interesting conversation. 


I once visited a Chili's on the Atlanta airport waiting for a connecting flight. I had this couple next to me. The woman was so annoying. She ordered some cocktails, took a sip and sent it back. Then she got her mozzarella sticks, took a bite and sent it back. Burger: sent back...If I were the cook, I surely would have t-bagged the drinks and stirred it with inappropriate instruments.


----------



## jbmcb (Sep 7, 2005)

My wife and I were recently at a cheesy chain restaurant known for their hamburgers (OK their hamburgers are pretty darn good.) She asked our waitress for their beer list. The waitress stumbled through it ending on "... and something that begins with a W..." "Warsteiner?" "Yeah! That's it." So my wife ordered the Warsteiner, and was all excited when it came as it was a dunkel, as usually you get the helles variety. Took one sip and cringed. It was beyond sour, and well on it's way to becoming liquid bread. 

After fifteen minutes the waitress finally showed up at our table again and my wife asked for another beer. The waitress apologized and brought out a Sam Adams, informing us that we wouldn't have to pay as it was a bad beer. Fantastic, problem solved, everyone is happy.

We get the bill, and the Sam Adams is on there. We asked about it and she said "Oh, I meant the first beer. Do you want the Sam Adams taken off as well?" 

Usually when a restaurant serves you something that is completely inedible and should never have made it out of the kitchen or bar, you usually get the replacement gratis. Or am I crazy?


----------



## Badrabbit (Nov 18, 2004)

jbmcb said:


> My wife and I were recently at a cheesy chain restaurant known for their hamburgers (OK their hamburgers are pretty darn good.) She asked our waitress for their beer list. The waitress stumbled through it ending on "... and something that begins with a W..." "Warsteiner?" "Yeah! That's it." So my wife ordered the Warsteiner, and was all excited when it came as it was a dunkel, as usually you get the helles variety. Took one sip and cringed. It was beyond sour, and well on it's way to becoming liquid bread.
> 
> After fifteen minutes the waitress finally showed up at our table again and my wife asked for another beer. The waitress apologized and brought out a Sam Adams, informing us that we wouldn't have to pay as it was a bad beer. Fantastic, problem solved, everyone is happy.
> 
> ...


I wouldn't say crazy but this seldom happens with beer, wine, or bar drinks. They are just usually replaced. It would be a nice gesture on the part of the establishment (to replace it gratis) and I often did so for customers but it is far from the norm.

With food there is more to make up for than just the messed up food. It takes time to replace the meal and everyone else either has to let their food get cold or eat without you so extra compensation is needed. In contrast, the waitress should have been back to check on you and replaced the beer after a minute or two.

As an explanation as to why you get old imports more often than domestics:

It is nearly impossible to keep all of your stock of foreign beers current because few if any have a date stamped on them. In a place that likely moves very few of them, it is easy for them to get served well past the point that they are drinkable. It is virtually impossible to reasonably mark the imports in a way that is cost effective. If you write a date on them or use stickers, you will find that every costumer has his own idea of how long a beer is good. I've seen people refuse beer that was one day past a month old. You will end up throwing away beer after beer. It really isn't feasible.

Secondly, it is possible the beer just wasn't sealed well at the bottling plant. There would have been no way for the restaurant to forsee this.

The domestics are almost all dated since Bud started its 'born on' dating. Most of the distributors will swap out old beers for new ones so the restaurant is usually more aware of their shelf time. If you see a domestic that is more than 30 days past the 'Best if Used" date, the bar is being lazy and not checking their bottles.


----------



## charms (Mar 24, 2007)

eyedoc2180 said:


> Charms' banquet story reminds me of my own near-gaffe. I was served a filet mignon, nearly microscopic in size, at our office holiday party. Closer inspection revealed that the filet had been cut in half after cooking, with my half a mirror image of the guy's filet next to me. I gasped as the plate hit the table and got halfway through my complaint to the server when I realized that everyone else's was the same size. It also occurred to me that our staff had worked really hard on this party, with elegant decorations, great menu, and open bar in this nice establishment. I abruptly shut up and had an extra piece of bread. My point is, sometimes you just have to ask yourself, "am I really being an ass by sending this back?" That is the litmus test for me. Bill


The difference between you and my wedding tablemates is your superior self-awareness and manners. You were raising a legitimate question and then mindfully recused yourself when you better understood the situation.

These wedding guests knew exactly what was going on -- half of them were in the wedding party afterall -- and simply chose to make a scene anyway. I'll never understand it, but there are some people who simply enjoy being difficult and/or enjoy lording over a server just because they can.

Personally, I think it was a reaction to their own insecurity over being, by definition, the sideshow to that day's main event. These people obviously weren't accustomed to not being the center of attention.


----------



## android (Dec 8, 2004)

Only if something is cold or steaks are over cooked. And I have little tolerance for people that can't mostly order off the menu. If you need to make more than one sub or change to a menu item, then you got PPPS*. 

*Personal Pickiness Problem Syndrome
(My observation is that this seems to more frequently affect women than men.)


----------



## bwep (Apr 17, 2005)

Chase

Interesting, as I suspect that we frequent similar restaurants. I rarely send things back, unless the meat is not cooked to my request, the food comes out cold or the food is inedible. I can recall that happening maybe 2 or 3 times in 20 years. Have you ever read Kitchen Confidential? You can read what some do in NYC's finest when food is sent back. 

What seems to bother me more is rude service or poor service in a restaurant.


----------



## eyedoc2180 (Nov 19, 2006)

I can't help but add another anecdote to my first one on this thread. My parents have taken great pride at treating the extended family of 12 to Thanksgiving dinner at a local restaurant. Dicey holiday staffing has made for some private jokes between my brother and I, never to be repeated to the host! (cherries in the martini, waitress quitting in the middle of a shift, etc.) One year, we went to a place that served the pre-carved whole turkey, if desired. When poor Tom hit the table in front of me, it was obvious that the thing was cooked to the consistency of shoe leather, including breast, leg, etc., to the point of petrification. I asked that the bird be exchanged for something edible with my usual polite aplomb. The next effort was quite prompt, a beautifully cooked specimen that was............clearly.............ice cold. It could only have come to this condition by sitting outdoors to cool. At this point, I smiled and helped serve the family. Mercifully, the restaurant has gone to a buffet format (yeah, buffet, I know...) on holidays. Bill


----------



## bwep (Apr 17, 2005)

I grew up in Dallas, frequented the original Chili's on Greenville before Norman Brinker expanded the product. I still believe they make a decent burger at a pretty good price for a chain. My wife and I spent 7 years in Mpls. Went to a Chili's one evening, about 700pm. Ordered my usual, cheeseburger. Was informed that they were out of hamburger meat. Wow!


----------



## eyedoc2180 (Nov 19, 2006)

Was it the expansion that did Chili's in? I will NEVER set foot in that place again. Horrible, inattentive service and mediocre food versus the other big chains that line Route 1 here in Princeton. Bill


----------



## bwep (Apr 17, 2005)

I am not sure eyedoc2180. I think that, like most places in our society, people do not take ownership in their jobs and it ultimately reflects on their employers. If we have Chili's, it is usually done as take out. We tend to order simple fare. I find their burgers to be pretty good, sized well, and reasonably priced. I can get steamed veggies for the children with their kid's meals. My wife likes some of their salads. We rarely eat Chili's and even more rarely go there. I think that as chains go, though, they have been relatively consistent with the occasional, not unexpected, problems.


----------

