# dilemma: what would you do?



## gaseousclay (Nov 8, 2009)

I was talking to my wife lastnight about what we're going to get our son for his first x-mas present. he'll be exactly 9 months old by the time Christmas rolls around but he won't comprehend the idea behind it. my wife had suggested that all of us go on vacation to Cabo San Lucas in January or February as a Christmas present for ourselves, BUT, I wasn't really sold on the idea. First, vacations of this sort are boring to me. I know a lot of people like the idea of sitting in the sun poolside while sipping a margarita, but it's not for me. Second, I don't want our son to fly on an airplane just yet. Call me paranoid but I don't want to subject him to flying, sunburns, etc., until he's a couple years old at the very least. Lastly, my wife was complaining to me about money not too long ago so the fact that she brought up going on vacation really irritated me. We have a pretty good stash in our savings account but I feel there are other more important things to spend our money on, such as repairs to our house. 

I'm trying to figure out how to approach the subject without pissing her off. I don't want to go, period. I'm okay with her going but there should be a caveat that whatever she spends on her vacation I get to spend an equal amount for myself for whatever I want, whether it be on a nice pair of shoes, or a new firearm, or whatever. I don't know if this will go over well with her since I have a feeling she'll accuse me of being a spoil sport, but I just can't go along with her plan. What would you do?


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## Tilton (Nov 27, 2011)

Go along with her plan.


EDIT: as a side note: why would you go to Cabo and just sit by the pool? Cabo is pretty much the best saltwater fishing in North America.


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## Shaver (May 2, 2012)

gaseousclay said:


> I was talking to my wife lastnight about what we're going to get our son for his first x-mas present. he'll be exactly 9 months old by the time Christmas rolls around but he won't comprehend the idea behind it. my wife had suggested that all of us go on vacation to Cabo San Lucas in January or February as a Christmas present for ourselves, BUT, I wasn't really sold on the idea. First, vacations of this sort are boring to me. I know a lot of people like the idea of sitting in the sun poolside while sipping a margarita, but it's not for me. Second, I don't want our son to fly on an airplane just yet. Call me paranoid but I don't want to subject him to flying, sunburns, etc., until he's a couple years old at the very least. Lastly, my wife was complaining to me about money not too long ago so the fact that she brought up going on vacation really irritated me. We have a pretty good stash in our savings account but I feel there are other more important things to spend our money on, such as repairs to our house.
> 
> I'm trying to figure out how to approach the subject without pissing her off. I don't want to go, period. *I'm okay with her going but there should be a caveat that whatever she spends on her vacation I get to spend an equal amount for myself for whatever I want, whether it be on a nice pair of shoes, or a new firearm, or whatever.* I don't know if this will go over well with her since I have a feeling she'll accuse me of being a spoil sport, but I just can't go along with her plan. What would you do?


This is only logical if you do *not* accompany your wife and child on this vacation.

Anyway as to your query 'what would you do?'.... now this is a long shot I know, a wild-card idea, a radical approach admittedly, but bear with me, hear me out - have you considered speaking to your wife about this, at all?


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## gaseousclay (Nov 8, 2009)

Tilton said:


> Go along with her plan.
> 
> EDIT: as a side note: why would you go to Cabo and just sit by the pool? Cabo is pretty much the best saltwater fishing in North America.


unfortunately, I get sea sick pretty easily. a few years ago I went deep sea fishing with my in-laws in Mazatlan, I became violently ill and turned 50 shades of yellow before we made it back to land. never again


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## gaseousclay (Nov 8, 2009)

Shaver said:


> This is only logical if you do *not* accompany your wife and child on this vacation.
> 
> Anyway as to your query 'what would you do?'.... now this is a long shot I know, a wild-card idea, a radical approach admittedly, but bear with me, hear me out - have you considered speaking to your wife about this, at all?


when my wife brought up going on vacation my immediate thought was, hell no, but I didn't want to let her down so quickly. she told me to think about it, but my mind's already made up. I have absolutely no desire to go. she likes this sort of thing, I don't.


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## Tilton (Nov 27, 2011)

Cabo offers some awesome fishing right from the beach - especially for big roosters and spanish mackerel (sierras, down there). Just stay out of the water at Solmar - it can be very, very, very dangerous. You'll want to fish from the sand ONLY just about anywhere as there are some monster rogue waves that come through. As such, a 12'+ rod would be best. If you're a fly guy, I would suggest a 9-11wt two-hander lined for overhead casting.


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## dwebber18 (Jun 5, 2008)

I can completely understand your desire not to sit by a pool for a week. I'm originally from Florida so the idea of a beach vacation is very boring to me for sure. Luckily my wife is the same way, we'd rather go to the mountains or to a big city but we also don't have a young child. Seeing as you are from MN your wife may just want to escape the snow for a bit during winter. You could always compromise and go to Miami or the Keys where there may be more to do that you enjoy but it will still require the financial outlay and a flight.


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## CuffDaddy (Feb 26, 2009)

There's validity in both of your positions/views. I share your general inclination towards durable goods over experiences when it comes to spending money, but my wife, like yours, generally would rather pay to DO things than HAVE things. I have come around a bit on that front, but I do insist that the doing be something that I enjoy. OTOH, with a 9 month old, your wife may be feeling that she really, really needs a vacation. If you haven't taken a vacation with a small child before, she may not realize that those aren't really vacations at all. Is there any chance that someone can watch the tot for a few days while you two slip off somewhere? Grandparents, maybe?

Look, a vacation (beach or otherwise) with an infant just isn't any fun. Point out that your son will have no memories of it at all. Make a promise to do a big beach/island vacation when he's a bit older and can both appreciate, and make lifetime memories from, the experience. In just a few years, going almost anywhere with your wife and child *will* be a lot of fun. Just not quite yet. What's more, many small kids find the surf terrifying if they aren't around it on a daily basis. We took my daughter to the beach too soon, and (despite her generally low level of fearfulness) it took her a couple of years to get over being scared of the waves.

In short, try to make this pitch: A trip with a baby sucks. It just does. The baby gets nothing from it but earaches and a lack of sleep, and the two of you will just be sick of each other and the kid by the end of it. A trip for just the two of you might be great, however. She probably won't want to be gone very long, so the trip likely gets shorter and cheaper. Take a quick-ish couple trip for now, and commit to a beach vacation in a couple of years (4 year old range, really). By then, EVERYTHING you do together will be fun and special and heartbreaking in its brevity. So you won't mind the money.


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## Tiger (Apr 11, 2010)

As is often the case, CuffDaddy provides exceptional advice...


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## gaseousclay (Nov 8, 2009)

CuffDaddy said:


> There's validity in both of your positions/views. I share your general inclination towards durable goods over experiences when it comes to spending money, but my wife, like yours, generally would rather pay to DO things than HAVE things. I have come around a bit on that front, but I do insist that the doing be something that I enjoy. OTOH, with a 9 month old, your wife may be feeling that she really, really needs a vacation. If you haven't taken a vacation with a small child before, she may not realize that those aren't really vacations at all. Is there any chance that someone can watch the tot for a few days while you two slip off somewhere? Grandparents, maybe?
> 
> Look, a vacation (beach or otherwise) with an infant just isn't any fun. Point out that your son will have no memories of it at all. Make a promise to do a big beach/island vacation when he's a bit older and can both appreciate, and make lifetime memories from, the experience. In just a few years, going almost anywhere with your wife and child *will* be a lot of fun. Just not quite yet. What's more, many small kids find the surf terrifying if they aren't around it on a daily basis. We took my daughter to the beach too soon, and (despite her generally low level of fearfulness) it took her a couple of years to get over being scared of the waves.
> 
> In short, try to make this pitch: A trip with a baby sucks. It just does. The baby gets nothing from it but earaches and a lack of sleep, and the two of you will just be sick of each other and the kid by the end of it. A trip for just the two of you might be great, however. She probably won't want to be gone very long, so the trip likely gets shorter and cheaper. Take a quick-ish couple trip for now, and commit to a beach vacation in a couple of years (4 year old range, really). By then, EVERYTHING you do together will be fun and special and heartbreaking in its brevity. So you won't mind the money.


wise advise, thank you. I had similar thoughts about the idea of having fun with our boy on a beach vacation. My wife's mom has a time share and she wants to spend a week away from the cold. Understandable, but what typically happens is there's lots of drinking, maybe some swimming and playing scrabble. Not my cup of tea. The whole thing just doesn't sound very well thought out either, but then again, my wife tends to enjoy spontaneity regardless of the outcome. I'll make this pitch to her though and see what she says.


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## gaseousclay (Nov 8, 2009)

I made my case to the missus and it didn't go over so well. She got upset and accused me of not wanting to spend time with her or our son. I explained to her again why I didn't want to go and we stopped talking about it. Last night she made the pitch again, but this time she said, "if you go you don't have to get me Christmas or birthday presents in 2014. I said no. She asked what she had to do to convince me to go. I told her I wanted a new firearm if I agreed to go and we negotiated a budget. You have to give a little to get a little  I know it sounds like she's getting the crap end of the stick but I think it's a fair negotiation.


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## Tilton (Nov 27, 2011)

gaseousclay said:


> I know it sounds like she's getting the crap end of the stick but I think it's a fair negotiation.


Well, of course, that depends on the firearm.


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## CuffDaddy (Feb 26, 2009)

LOL, fair enough. At least now if it turns out to be a bit of a rocky time for her, you can just smile sweetly and smugly enjoy your *unspoken* "I told you so"!


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## gaseousclay (Nov 8, 2009)

> Well, of course, that depends on the firearm. :wink2:


I haven't figured that out yet. I want to get either a 12 ga shotgun, a Winchester 94 30-30 or an inexpensive Henry .22 for my son and give it to him when he's old enough.



> LOL, fair enough. At least now if it turns out to be a bit of a rocky time for her, you can just smile sweetly and smugly enjoy your *unspoken* "I told you so"!


I'll try to enjoy myself either way. I don't want to get there and act like a grumpy old curmudgeon the whole time....I think that would really tick her off. I think my best bet would be to not rub her face in anything should things take a turn for the worst


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## eagle2250 (Mar 24, 2006)

gaseousclay said:


> I made my case to the missus and it didn't go over so well. She got upset and accused me of not wanting to spend time with her or our son. I explained to her again why I didn't want to go and we stopped talking about it. Last night she made the pitch again, but this time she said, "if you go you don't have to get me Christmas or birthday presents in 2014. I said no. She asked what she had to do to convince me to go. I told her I wanted a new firearm if I agreed to go and we negotiated a budget. You have to give a little to get a little  I know it sounds like she's getting the crap end of the stick but I think it's a fair negotiation.


Reading your OP for this thread, I found myself sympathetic to your position. I've never been much inclined towards those "sit on your butt and soak in the sun" vacations and your stated penchant for desiring more durable returns on your expendable financial resources is...well just Trad and clearly the right thing to do! In short, I was in your favor on the matter. However, reading your more recent post above, negotiating a financial arrangement to insure your cooperation with the vacation plans(?), strikes me as just wrong minded and clearly short sighted when considering the long term health of one's domestic relationship! I do hope this all plays out well for you and that wonderful family of yours. LOL, I never thought I would ever be uttering such blasphemies, but forget the firearms purchasecrazy and just go on the vacation simply because families belong together on such occasions!


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## Tilton (Nov 27, 2011)

gaseousclay said:


> I haven't figured that out yet. I want to get either a 12 ga shotgun, a Winchester 94 30-30 or an inexpensive Henry .22 for my son and give it to him when he's old enough.


The latter will definitely get the most points with the wife, given the circumstances, but my preference is always for new shotguns.


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## CuffDaddy (Feb 26, 2009)

FWIW, I have a friend who absolutely loves Henry lever .22's, but almost all of his have required new sights upon purchase. The stock front sight is either too low or too high (I can't remember which) and you run out of adjustment on the rear elevation before you get POA/POI coincident at reasonable .22 ranges. At least a year or two ago, that was just kind of how things are with new-make Henrys, and you just have expect that. Maybe they've since adjusted things.


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## gaseousclay (Nov 8, 2009)

eagle2250 said:


> However, reading your more recent post above, negotiating a financial arrangement to insure your cooperation with the vacation plans(?), strikes me as just wrong minded and clearly short sighted when considering the long term health of one's domestic relationship! I do hope this all plays out well for you and that wonderful family of yours. LOL, I never thought I would ever be uttering such blasphemies, but forget the firearms purchasecrazy and just go on the vacation simply because families belong together on such occasions!


normally I would agree with you. BUT, I really don't want to go. I'm going to appease the wife and nothing more. The other thing is that my wife absolutely hates guns. The mere mention of firearms in our household gets me nothing but scorn. If I can get a gun out of the deal then i'm going to take it, even if it sounds like the wrong thing to do.


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## gaseousclay (Nov 8, 2009)

Tilton said:


> The latter will definitely get the most points with the wife, given the circumstances, but my preference is always for new shotguns.


I really want a Mossberg 590A1 for HD duty, but I figure a Henry .22 is a good starter gun until my son is ready to shoot. Plus, these guns will invariably go up in price in 10 yrs so it might be best to get one now while they're still cheap. He'll eventually inherit my Winchester 9422 but right now this is my pride and joy. The problem is I want all 3 guns at some point, it's just a matter of which do I really need versus want?


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## pleasehelp (Sep 8, 2005)

If you dislike beach vacations, you could consider finding another way for your wife/child to vacation without you. For example, my schedule makes it difficult for me to get away on vacation, so my wife/child(ren) accompany my sister and her family on beach vacations each year.


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## gaseousclay (Nov 8, 2009)

pleasehelp said:


> If you dislike beach vacations, you could consider finding another way for your wife/child to vacation without you. For example, my schedule makes it difficult for me to get away on vacation, so my wife/child(ren) accompany my sister and her family on beach vacations each year.


we're going on vacation with her mom, step-dad, step-siblings, and brother and sister in-law, but she still wanted me to go. the problem is that it's too hard for her to take care of our boy by herself (he's only 7 mo now). Either way, I have another vacation idea for us in mind for next summer that she's open to


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## Earl of Ormonde (Sep 5, 2008)

What a very odd subject for a thread.


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## Shaver (May 2, 2012)

Earl of Ormonde said:


> What a very odd subject for a thread.


The aspect of it that strikes me as odd is this: if my partner asked me what she needed to do to persuade me of something it wouldn't be allowing me to make a purchase, it would be.........*ahem* something else entirely.

This was a missed opportunity, frankly.


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## Odradek (Sep 1, 2011)

Earl of Ormonde said:


> What a very odd subject for a thread.


I have to agree.


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## Pentheos (Jun 30, 2008)

Shaver said:


> The aspect of it that strikes me as odd is this: if my partner asked me what she needed to do to persuade me of something it wouldn't be allowing me to make a purchase, it would be.........*ahem* something else entirely.
> 
> This was a missed opportunity, frankly.


Spot on.


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