# This is brilliant



## 32rollandrock (May 1, 2008)

https://online.wsj.com/articles/poo...956234.html&fpid=2,7,121,122,201,401,641,1009


----------



## SG_67 (Mar 22, 2014)

A charter subscriber:


----------



## 32rollandrock (May 1, 2008)

^^

Hysterical. Thanks.


----------



## eagle2250 (Mar 24, 2006)

You guys are sick. Very, very funny, but sick none the less! ROFALOL. 

PS: Thanks for sharing!


----------



## justonemore (Jul 2, 2009)

I have to admit to being a bit anti-dog especially when it comes to people having dogs in the city. Even the small dogs that are suitable for apartment living need to use the restroom and there is very little in the way of places to go. Add into this that many people just don't feel like cleaning up and it's just a disgusting mess. 

In my thoughts: 
Dogs on farms... fine. 
Dogs in the suburbs where there is a fenced in yard....Fine.
Dogs in the city...Only if they can use a litter box and aren't walked on public property.

It seems to me that Europeans are quite into their dogs. It's not rare to see them in all types of businesses. Just a few years ago I remember it was common to see them even in cafes/restaurants. 

Another thing I find a bit shocking is the amount of people that actually travel with their dogs. Doesn't travel in and of itself present enough challenges?


----------



## Chouan (Nov 11, 2009)

When I was in Barcelona recently I was surprised to see how many dogs there were. All were properly looked after, having their deposits cleaned up after them, and, even when not on leads were behaving well. Quite pleasing really.
A few years ago my wife, through her work, had to visit a family in a poorer part of Dublin, where the housing was terraced streets. The family had a small terrier of indeterminate breed. Whilst my wife was there, there was a scratching noise at the door. The lady of the house went to see what it was, and called through to the lounge, where the dog was entertaining my wife with a variety of spontaneous tricks and amusing postures, for the dog. The dog went running off and the lady returned, telling my wife that the dog's friends had called for him, and that were all having fun down the street, chasing after a man who was delivering leaflets.


----------



## Langham (Nov 7, 2012)

True to their nature, I think the Germans have put their finger on the real issue.

The law here is now quite strict for all dog-owners, at least in theory. They are all required to follow after their pets with a supply of small bags at the ready, with which to scoop up and retain all deposits that may be emitted from the animal, while the dog smirks insolently back at its notional master.


----------



## 32rollandrock (May 1, 2008)

Langham said:


> True to their nature, I think the Germans have put their finger on the real issue.
> 
> The law here is now quite strict for all dog-owners, at least in theory. They are all required to follow after their pets with a supply of small bags at the ready, with which to scoop up and retain all deposits that may be emitted from the animal, while the dog smirks insolently back at its notional master.


My pug is so dumb it can't even take a proper crap. As soon as it starts, it tries looking backward for the result--essentially, it chases its tail whilst in the act, ergo its nickname Sh-t And Spin.


----------



## Jayzz (Aug 3, 2014)

Sh-to and spin ROFL!!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## 32rollandrock (May 1, 2008)

Jayzz said:


> Sh-to and spin ROFL!!
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Actually, it is not so dumb, when you think about it. We have three dogs. The other two relieve themselves in conventional fashion. They, occasionally, have "accidents," even now, in the house, especially during inclement weather. We haven't found an S'n'S crap circle, so to speak, in the house in years--even when the snow is deep, you can see the trail of paw prints to the lawn, then a circle of "industriousness," then a trail leading back to the doggie door. She will never be blamed for a mess not of her making.


----------



## Jayzz (Aug 3, 2014)

Yea, I'm sure crap circles of ****** proportions have their place in this world. 
And yes, I still find that hilarious!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Shaver (May 2, 2012)

justonemore said:


> I have to admit to being a bit anti-dog especially when it comes to people having dogs in the city. Even the small dogs that are suitable for apartment living need to use the restroom and there is very little in the way of places to go. Add into this that many people just don't feel like cleaning up and it's just a disgusting mess.
> 
> In my thoughts:
> Dogs on farms... fine.
> ...


Oh, so we're allowed a plague of filthy annoying children clogging up the place but beautiful animals are forbidden. Is that it? :rolleyes2:

*"Get him boy!"
*


----------



## justonemore (Jul 2, 2009)

Shaver said:


> Oh, so were allowed a plague of filthy annoying children clogging up the place but beautiful animals are forbidden. Is that it? :rolleyes2:
> 
> *"Get him boy!"
> *


While I'm sure you've spent hours dodging the leavings of children on your local sidewalk and that England's Emergency Rooms are full of child bite cases (which BTW says nothing about that series of infant related knifings in the U.K.), shall we consider the actual time spent annoyed in both our cases? In your average day, how many minutes do children bother you? And I mean beyond them merely existing.

For me.... I start off my morning walking my daughter 2+ miles to school, it's an amazing journey. You see, I live in a hilly area and dog urine when flowing downhill makes these wonderful arcs across the entire breadth of the sidewalk. See. This is fun because you then have to walk or hop on over them (unless you're of the mind to walk right on through). This is especially great when you have a large party of people all hopping at the same time. But I kid, I kid. The real fun is with the feces. I just pretend that I'm a famous hunter out in savage Africa. "Oh look at this dropping, it's obviously from the famous rat (sized) dog often seen in these parts" or " What a treat, the rare cow (sized) dog has left us with a special specimen to study". Now walking through the feces is even better. Where else can you get that squishy, slippery sensation while experiencing the true aroma of a beautiful animal? And cleaning your shoes afterwards is the height of manly pleasures. All this gives me a special joy when I see people putting their feet up on the seats in the buses, metros, and trains. I now get to sit in leftover dog waste. What a joy. I am crying tears of gratitude just thinking about all the places people put their shoes after walking in "the gift from the heavens themselves".. Oh...And I walk 8-10 miles a day. That's about 3-4 hours daily of being distracted only by dog leavings on sidewalks.

While jumping over urine puddles is great fun, they are (somewhat) stationary and therefore not much of a challenge for us old schoolers. My preference is leashes. No not the standard 2-3 footers but those retractable 50 footers that allow the dog to feel as if it's back in the wild. You see, when stepping over a leash, it moves with the dog, and that can be any direction. Unlike urine hopping, Leash hopping has the inherent risk of falling flat on your face (which is also there for feces hopping).

While my 3rd favorite game (while rare and not on a daily basis) is "Am I faster than that fu*"ing dog chasing me", my 2nd favorite is "Can I outwrestle the bastard that has just grabbed me by the leg and is going for the crotch" and my all-time favorite is "How much reconstructive surgery is this going to take and will I (my children) ever be able to look "normal" again"

Need I mention the delightful "wet dog" smell in the lifts and building entryways after a nice rain? Or better yet, a wet dog on a bus, metro or train (up to several hours of wet dog smell versus a few minutes). or how about that adorable habit dogs have of shaking all the water off of them right onto anyone that is standing nearby? One of my favorites is when they jump right up on you with their dirty paws. What a pleasure to almost get knocked off of my feet and then spend my time cleaning clothes dirtied by such honorable beasts.

Oops. I almost forgot. I love to be playing catch with the kids when someone's dog decides our frisbee is his fetch toy. Not only is our property graced with the wonderful teeth marks but my family and I get to now play with the dog's saliva.

Please note that I did not include general dog behaviors such as barking, howling, fighting, sniffing (people), eating, being walked, or existing.


----------



## Langham (Nov 7, 2012)

Shaver said:


> Oh, so we're allowed a plague of filthy annoying children clogging up the place but beautiful animals are forbidden. Is that it? :rolleyes2:
> 
> *"Get him boy!"
> *


Dear Shaver,

This would look much better if his lead matched your belt.

Regards,

Langham


----------



## Shaver (May 2, 2012)

Langham said:


> Dear Shaver,
> 
> This would look much better if his lead matched your belt.
> 
> ...


:icon_hailthee:


----------



## Shaver (May 2, 2012)

justonemore said:


> While I'm sure you've spent hours dodging the leavings of children on your local sidewalk and that England's Emergency Rooms are full of child bite cases(which BTW says nothing about that series of infant related knifings in the U.K.), shall we consider the actual time spent annoyed in both our cases? In your average day, how many minutes do children bother you? And I mean beyond them merely existing.
> 
> For me.... I start off my morning walking my daughter 2+ miles to school, it's an amazing journey. You see, I live in a hilly area and dog urine when flowing downhill makes these wonderful arcs across the entire breadth of the sidewalk. See. This is fun because you then have to walk or hop on over them (unless you're of the mind to walk right on through). This is especially great when you have a large party of people all hopping at the same time. But I kid, I kid. The real fun is with the feces. I just pretend that I'm a famous hunter out in savage Africa. "Oh look at this dropping, it's obviously from the famous rat (sized) dog often seen in these parts" or " What a treat, the rare cow (sized) dog has left us with a special specimen to study". Now walking through the feces is even better. Where else can you get that squishy, slippery sensation while experiencing the true aroma of a beautiful animal? And cleaning your shoes afterwards is the height of manly pleasures. All this gives me a special joy when I see people putting their feet up on the seats in the buses, metros, and trains. I now get to sit in leftover dog waste. What a joy. I am crying tears of gratitude just thinking about all the places people put their shoes after walking in "the gift from the heavens themselves".. Oh...And I walk 8-10 miles a day. That's about 3-4 hours daily of being distracted only by dog leavings on sidewalks.
> 
> ...


Wow! The dogs must p*ss like racehorses in Lausanne.

The notion that dogs chase you and/or bite you does rather perplex me though, is rabies somewhat prevalent in Switzerland?


----------



## justonemore (Jul 2, 2009)

Shaver said:


> Wow! The dogs must p*ss like racehorses in Lausanne.
> 
> The notion that dogs chase you and/or bite you does rather perplex me though, is rabies somewhat prevalent in Switzerland?


100 or so dogs per sq. km have to p*ss somewhere right? If it were 100 children p*ssing on the sidewalk you'd probably have a heart attack but....for a beautiful animal, why not? I don't own a dog but I would guess they have to urinate more than once a day as well, right? I have nothing against dogs as long as they do their business at home in their own yards.

Here's a little something as to dogs and their natural chasing behavior from the ASPCA (American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals). I don't see any mention of rabies in the article....

"Dogs are cursorial predators, meaning that they chase down their prey. The dog's visual system is highly attuned to detecting movement. The slightest motion often triggers a dog to give chase. High-pitched squealing sounds, like those a prey animal makes when frightened or injured, can also trigger an attack. If a dog is fast enough to catch her prey, she'll usually grab and shake it. Some dogs lose interest once a prey animal stops moving-which is why opossums, whose defensive response is to play dead, often survive dog attacks. But many dogs will play with the bodies of animals they catch. Some dogs even consume their prey.

Just about any mammal can trigger a predatory response in dogs: squirrels, rabbits, mice, rats, groundhogs, racoons, ground squirrels, skunks, porcupines and, unfortunately, cats. Dogs who live peacefully with cats sometimes still prey on unfamiliar cats, particularly if the cats are outdoors and moving. Cats who run from dogs are at highest risk. A dog will sometimes back down if a prey animal stops retreating and threatens to attack. Dogs will also chase ungulates, such as deer and antelope, but they're unlikely to pose a threat to these animals if hunting alone. Packs of dogs, however, have reportedly caught and killed deer, pronghorn antelope and livestock, including cattle, sheep and goats. Dogs don't hunt because they're hungry. Their motivation for hunting is separate from their motivation to eat. Sadly, this means that even a single dog in a chicken house can wreak havoc on the defenseless birds. Likewise, a group of dogs can do serious damage to a herd of sheep or goats, killing large numbers of animals. In fact, dogs in groups will often participate in what's called socially facilitated predation-one dog starts killing and they all join in."


----------



## Shaver (May 2, 2012)

justonemore said:


> 100 dogs per sq. KM have to p*ss somewhere right?
> 
> Here's a little something as to dogs and their natural chasing behavior from the ASPCA (American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals). I don't see any mention of rabies in the article....
> 
> ...


Have you considered resisting the impulse to make 'high pitched squealing sounds' at all?


----------



## justonemore (Jul 2, 2009)

Sure. . Getting back on point (and the more relevant sentence just before that which you highlighted)...Should we all stop making slight movements when in the presence of such noble beasts? Do you worry about this when you're around children? If you're out for a jog, are kids apt to give chase? If you're taking the dog out for a walk, are you fearful that some street urchin will jump out and scar your dogs face because he was running around playing? How often have you ever walked in the urine or feces of a child? Had to walk around the feces or urine of a child? I've been bitten by dogs out of malice, I've never been bitten by a child out of malice (although I admit it might happen). What about you? While I could overpower just about any kid attacking me and walk away with minimal damage, I'm not sure I could say the same as to dogs. What would you rather be attacked by?


----------



## justonemore (Jul 2, 2009)

As 15-30% of people are allergic to dogs you are creating a potential health emergency every time you expose the public to your animal.


----------



## Shaver (May 2, 2012)

justonemore said:


> As 15-30% of people are allergic to dogs you are creating a potential health emergency every time you expose the public to your animal.


Those folks _and_ the nut allergy whiners would be better off absent from the gene pool. :teacha:


----------



## Langham (Nov 7, 2012)

justonemore said:


> 100 or so dogs per sq. km have to p*ss somewhere right? If it were 100 children p*ssing on the sidewalk you'd probably have a heart attack but....for a beautiful animal, why not? I don't own a dog but I would guess they have to urinate more than once a day as well, right? I have nothing against dogs as long as they do their business at home in their own yards.
> 
> Here's a little something as to dogs and their natural chasing behavior from the ASPCA (American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals). I don't see any mention of rabies in the article....
> 
> ...


The mistake with dogs and hounds is ever to look at them. That often is enough to send them over the edge.

I hunt with hounds from time to time (proper hunting, no guns involved) and, without wishing to wax too lyrical, watching the pack work can be a wonderful sight on an autumn morning. Probably not for the prey however.


----------



## Shaver (May 2, 2012)

justonemore said:


> Sure. . Getting back on point (and the more relevant sentence just before that which you highlighted)...Should we all stop making slight movements when in the presence of such noble beasts? Do you worry about this when you're around children? If you're out for a jog, are kids apt to give chase? If you're taking the dog out for a walk, are you fearful that some street urchin will jump out and scar your dogs face because he was running around playing? How often have you ever walked in the urine or feces of a child? Had to walk around the feces or urine of a child? I've been bitten by dogs out of malice, I've never been bitten by a child out of malice (although I admit it might happen). What about you? While I could overpower just about any kid attacking me and walk away with minimal damage, I'm not sure I could say the same as to dogs. What would you rather be attacked by?


Here is an equation to consider: less children = less adults = less dog owners.

Your problems could be solved, if only mine were solved first. :thumbs-up:


----------



## tocqueville (Nov 15, 2009)

It's good to see I actually agree with Justonemore about something. I love dogs but think dogs should be banned from urban settings, where dog owners presume the right to let their dogs foul public spaces and constitute a safety threat. I've come very close lately to dumping my child's soiled diapers in the local dog park just to make a point. My kids, after all, do not crap where dog walkers walk. But the dogs are everywhere, and my kids and I cannot step anywhere without having to look twice. Frankly, I think my right to live free of dog crap should outweigh people's right to enjoy the affections of animals bread for servility.

Oh, and then there was the time when my kids were playing with the other neighbors' kids in the snow in the front yard of our building. One of the neighbors emerged from the front door with his dog, who walked across the very snow the kids were playing in, leaving a yellow trail. I said, "damn'ed dogs." And the owner said he was deeply offended.

Recently one of my kids moved in the direction of a small dog, only to have the owner warn me that the dog might bite. I held my tongue. On another occasion, a neighbor brought home a particularly yappy dog that seemed likely to bite one of my kids. I told the owner that if the dog bit my kid I would brain the dog. I never saw the dog again.



justonemore said:


> While I'm sure you've spent hours dodging the leavings of children on your local sidewalk and that England's Emergency Rooms are full of child bite cases (which BTW says nothing about that series of infant related knifings in the U.K.), shall we consider the actual time spent annoyed in both our cases? In your average day, how many minutes do children bother you? And I mean beyond them merely existing.
> 
> For me.... I start off my morning walking my daughter 2+ miles to school, it's an amazing journey. You see, I live in a hilly area and dog urine when flowing downhill makes these wonderful arcs across the entire breadth of the sidewalk. See. This is fun because you then have to walk or hop on over them (unless you're of the mind to walk right on through). This is especially great when you have a large party of people all hopping at the same time. But I kid, I kid. The real fun is with the feces. I just pretend that I'm a famous hunter out in savage Africa. "Oh look at this dropping, it's obviously from the famous rat (sized) dog often seen in these parts" or " What a treat, the rare cow (sized) dog has left us with a special specimen to study". Now walking through the feces is even better. Where else can you get that squishy, slippery sensation while experiencing the true aroma of a beautiful animal? And cleaning your shoes afterwards is the height of manly pleasures. All this gives me a special joy when I see people putting their feet up on the seats in the buses, metros, and trains. I now get to sit in leftover dog waste. What a joy. I am crying tears of gratitude just thinking about all the places people put their shoes after walking in "the gift from the heavens themselves".. Oh...And I walk 8-10 miles a day. That's about 3-4 hours daily of being distracted only by dog leavings on sidewalks.
> 
> ...


----------



## Odradek (Sep 1, 2011)

tocqueville said:


> It's good to see I actually agree with Justonemore about something. I love dogs but think dogs should be banned from urban settings, where dog owners presume the right to let their dogs foul public spaces and constitute a safety threat. I've come very close lately to dumping my child's soiled diapers in the local dog park just to make a point. My kids, after all, do not crap where dog walkers walk. But the dogs are everywhere, and my kids and I cannot step anywhere without having to look twice. Frankly, I think my right to live free of dog crap should outweigh people's right to enjoy the affections of animals bread for servility.
> 
> Recently one of my kids moved in the direction of a small dog, only to have the owner warn me that the dog might bite. I held my tongue. On another occasion, a neighbor brought home a particularly yappy dog that seemed likely to bite one of my kids. I told the owner that if the dog bit my kid I would brain the dog. I never saw the dog again.


Just back from an hour long bike ride through local villages and woods. Came around a bend in the trail to find four standard poodles blocking my path. As I went round them, one took a liking to my foot and bit me twice, but luckily my George Cox bowling shoes are made of pretty study leather, so no harm was caused. I'm sure the fact that he was also getting a mouthful of bicycle pedal helped me out too. The woman running up after her dogs was most apologetic, but it didn't even slow me down.

Not an urban setting at all, so I've no problem with dogs in the woods, but just shows you that you need to be wary, even with poodles.


----------



## Chouan (Nov 11, 2009)

tocqueville said:


> It's good to see I actually agree with Justonemore about something. I love dogs but think dogs should be banned from urban settings, where dog owners presume the right to let their dogs foul public spaces and constitute a safety threat. I've come very close lately to dumping my child's soiled diapers in the local dog park just to make a point. My kids, after all, do not crap where dog walkers walk. But the dogs are everywhere, and my kids and I cannot step anywhere without having to look twice. Frankly, I think my right to live free of dog crap should outweigh people's right to enjoy the affections of animals bread for servility.


Referring to my comment about Barcelona, and indeed, the town/village where I live. I never saw any dog mess in Barcelona, and, without exception, the dog owners cleaned up after their dogs. Hence, although there were many dogs in an urban setting, there was far more bird deposits and vomit from drunken tourists than dog mess. Again, although I live in a small town, the sight of dog mess is a very rare one, as most people have gardens and hence deal with their own dogs' mess, or clear up after them. There are enough designated dog mess bins to deal with the problem, so binmen won't have that problem to deal with. Again, I'm more likely to see human vomit than dog mess when I walk to the shops.


----------



## 32rollandrock (May 1, 2008)

justonemore said:


> While I'm sure you've spent hours dodging the leavings of children on your local sidewalk and that England's Emergency Rooms are full of child bite cases (which BTW says nothing about that series of infant related knifings in the U.K.), shall we consider the actual time spent annoyed in both our cases? In your average day, how many minutes do children bother you? And I mean beyond them merely existing.
> 
> For me.... I start off my morning walking my daughter 2+ miles to school, it's an amazing journey. You see, I live in a hilly area and dog urine when flowing downhill makes these wonderful arcs across the entire breadth of the sidewalk. See. This is fun because you then have to walk or hop on over them (unless you're of the mind to walk right on through). This is especially great when you have a large party of people all hopping at the same time. But I kid, I kid. The real fun is with the feces. I just pretend that I'm a famous hunter out in savage Africa. "Oh look at this dropping, it's obviously from the famous rat (sized) dog often seen in these parts" or " What a treat, the rare cow (sized) dog has left us with a special specimen to study". Now walking through the feces is even better. Where else can you get that squishy, slippery sensation while experiencing the true aroma of a beautiful animal? And cleaning your shoes afterwards is the height of manly pleasures. All this gives me a special joy when I see people putting their feet up on the seats in the buses, metros, and trains. I now get to sit in leftover dog waste. What a joy. I am crying tears of gratitude just thinking about all the places people put their shoes after walking in "the gift from the heavens themselves".. Oh...And I walk 8-10 miles a day. That's about 3-4 hours daily of being distracted only by dog leavings on sidewalks.
> 
> ...


And I thought I was a hater...

Never seen a dog that preferred pissing on concrete to against a bush or in a lawn. You must have weird dogs in your country.


----------



## justonemore (Jul 2, 2009)

32rollandrock said:


> And I thought I was a hater...
> 
> Never seen a dog that preferred pissing on concrete to against a bush or in a lawn. You must have weird dogs in your country.


Or. As I previously stated.... I live in a city. Typical cities have very few lawns, grassy areas, trees, bushes, etc. to use. This has been my whole point. I have no problem with dogs or people that own them if they live somewhere appropriate. A city does not offer the correct opportunities for dog ownership. Having a dog in Springfield is a bit different compared to having a dog in the concrete jungle that is downtown Chicago. While dogs may prefer a bush or a lawn, I assure you that dogs in Chicago (or any other city) are not against relieving themselves against/on concrete should no other option exist. Even if the owner uses the plastic baggy method there is usually some left over. I don't picture dog owners out for a walk with a spray bottle & rag, do you?


----------



## Langham (Nov 7, 2012)

^ Dog mess can be a much worse problem in the countryside. The first hundred yards or so of any bridle path into the countryside are often a minefield.


----------



## Chouan (Nov 11, 2009)

Shaver said:


> Oh, so we're allowed a plague of filthy annoying children clogging up the place but beautiful animals are forbidden. Is that it? :rolleyes2:
> 
> *"Get him boy!"
> *


This is mine.....


----------



## Chouan (Nov 11, 2009)

And my grandfather with one of his (he's on the right).


----------



## Shaver (May 2, 2012)

Chouan said:


> This is mine.....


A fine looking animal.

People who do not love animals perplex me enormously - I do not trust them.


----------



## Shaver (May 2, 2012)

Chouan said:


> And my grandfather with one of his (he's on the right).


The right of the photo but left as we are looking at it? Great photo - are you able to reveal any background?


----------



## Chouan (Nov 11, 2009)

Shaver said:


> The right of the photo but left as we are looking at it? Great photo - are you able to reveal any background?


Our right as we're looking at it. He's the one sans 'tache. He looks quite dark in the photo, but wasn't in reality.
Western Front, near Albert, in 1917 as far as I know. He was in the 41st Siege Battery (6" Howitzers) Royal Garrison Artillery, having been a Territorial of the Royal Durham Artillery before the war. He survived, but died in his 70's from the effects of being gassed in WW1.


----------

