# When someone gets your name wrong . . .



## cufflink44 (Oct 31, 2005)

You bump into a colleague in another department at work, someone you've met casually once or twice. He greets you warmly in passing-and gets your name wrong. You figure it's not worth the awkwardness to stop and correct him, so you greet him back and don't say anything about his mistake.

But then you find yourself bumping into him more and more frequently. And it's always, "Hey, how're ya doin', Tom?" when your name isn't Tom.

At this point, if you were to correct him, his response would probably be, "So how come you've been letting me call you by the wrong name all this time?" So you still don't say anything. But if someone else should overhear him, they'd be sure to wonder why you haven't clued him in. And you realize there's also the possibility that in the future, you and he may be working on a project together. Talk about awkward!

Ever been in a similar situation? How have you handled it?


----------



## yachtie (May 11, 2006)

I generally don't let it go on too long. The short form of my name that I've used since childhood is not the usual one so I'm frequently addressed incorrectly. I usually say, Hi,_____, I go by (correct name); or It's (correct name). they'll say: Oh I'm sorry, to which I reply; no problem.. 

A frequent issue but not an embarassing one ( unless you let it go on for a long time)

Occasionally; someone will consistently misaddress me, even after correction. I just let it go as they're obviously mentally defective.


----------



## agnash (Jul 24, 2006)

People who do not know me often try to address me by the diminutive/nickname commonly associated with my given name. I just ignore them. If they press the issue, I tell them I thought they were speaking to someone else. That usually works.


----------



## PITAronin (Nov 30, 2004)

I, too, tend to try to avoid letting this sort of thing go beyond twice. Usually, when it does happen, it's not so much someone addressing me by a name that's totally wrong. More often it's one of the following. Bearing in mind that my given name is "James" but I go by "J.T." I get
1. "Hey there, T.J."
2. "So James, welcome to the group" (usually a smarmy 'facilitator' who's seen the list of attendees at a meeting and is trying for instant cameraderie)
or
3. My personal favorite, from telemarketers who have a laundry list of contacts and have never learned that "Jas" is an abbreviation for James - "Good evening, am I speaking to Jazz?"


----------



## Laxplayer (Apr 26, 2006)

yachtie said:


> I generally don't let it go on too long. The short form of my name that I've used since childhood is not the usual one so I'm frequently addressed incorrectly. *I usually say, Hi,_____, I go by (correct name); or It's (correct name). they'll say: Oh I'm sorry, to which I reply; no problem.. *
> 
> A frequent issue but not an embarassing one ( unless you let it go on for a long time)
> 
> Occasionally; someone will consistently misaddress me, even after correction. I just let it go as they're obviously mentally defective.


Another response may be, "Hi____, I'm____, remember?" 
It's likely that he will think this is his first slip with this response, instead of thinking you have let him call you by the wrong name all this time.


----------



## The Gabba Goul (Feb 11, 2005)

Having an uncommon name...I get this alot..."Hi Santiago" or "Hi Santos" or even "Hi San Antonio"...I used to have a teacher who no matter how many times I told thim that my name was San-ti-no...he insisted on calling me Michael (my middle name)...

It used to bother me...but now...I just let it slide...plus most people that know me use one of my many nicknames...Sonny, Tino, T, S, G (for Gabbagoul), San, Teen (from Tino)...etc...not to mention some of the more colorful ones I earned as a teenager and in college...


----------



## Trenditional (Feb 15, 2006)

My last name doesn't seem difficult to me, but it is often said incorrectly. In general, I don't say anything because the people saying it incorrectly are usually not those that I will deal with on a regular basis or they don't know me that well. I will correct someone who is a regular co-worker or an acquaintance, but this does not happen frequently.

A co-worker has the same problem. He also has a last name that lends itself to mispronunciation. Though, what I've seen from him bothers me quite a bit. He has taken to referring to himself by the incorrect pronunciation. I questioned him about it once and he said, "Well everyone always calls me by this variation." That I just don't understand. I am proud of my last name and my Italian heritage; I would never refer to myself by the mispronounced version.


----------



## kshah (Oct 30, 2006)

The Gabba Goul said:


> Having an uncommon name...I get this alot..."Hi Santiago" or "Hi Santos" or even "Hi San Antonio"...I used to have a teacher who no matter how many times I told thim that my name was San-ti-no...he insisted on calling me Michael (my middle name)...
> 
> It used to bother me...but now...I just let it slide...plus most people that know me use one of my many nicknames...Sonny, Tino, T, S, G (for Gabbagoul), San, Teen (from Tino)...etc...not to mention some of the more colorful ones I earned as a teenager and in college...


You must get sick of the whole Godfather jig.

Honestly though, if I met someone named Santino, I'd probably do the whole, "My boys, I love them too much because they should be listening when they're talking." or "Look what they did to my boy."

I'm sorryic12337:


----------



## jackmccullough (May 10, 2006)

I don't think it's a problem, because mostly people are meaning well when they do it, even if it also demonstrates a certain lack of attention. For instance, twice in the last couple of months I was in front of a new judge and he asked me if I was related to the chain saw company. Twice. Each time I just told him that we always think that they spell their name wrong and let it go at that, since he was obviously just trying to find something to say to be friendly and establish a little connection. Besides, after fifty plus years of listening to people spell or pronounce my name wrong, I'm pretty much used to it.


----------



## ksinc (May 30, 2005)

The Gabba Goul said:


> Having an uncommon name...I get this alot..."Hi Santiago" or "Hi Santos" or even "Hi San Antonio"...I used to have a teacher who no matter how many times I told thim that my name was San-ti-no...he insisted on calling me Michael (my middle name)...
> 
> It used to bother me...but now...I just let it slide...plus most people that know me use one of my many nicknames...Sonny, Tino, T, S, G (for Gabbagoul), San, Teen (from Tino)...etc...not to mention some of the more colorful ones I earned as a teenager and in college...


See there - one minute you're letting people confuse your name and the next your GF is picking out metrosexual clothes for you! It's a slippery slope. 

In the future try: "Hi, I'm Santino, call me 'Snake'!"


----------



## Relayer (Nov 9, 2005)

If someone calls me by the wrong name, say, when passing in the corridor, I just say hello and keep walking.

If we stop and shake hands (as if to speak, even if only briefly), I immediately correct their mistake with a warm smile and hearty handshake. No offense given none taken (by either party). 

It's how I would prefer to be treated, if I was the one getting someone's name wrong (and I'm one of the worst at remembering names.)


----------



## StevenRocks (May 24, 2005)

I never have a lot of trouble with people forgetting my first name; it's terribly common. What I hate is when they miss the "i" in my last name. Telemarketers are masters at this.


----------



## jackmccullough (May 10, 2006)

I actually like it when they get my name wrong. When I get a call from someone who doesn't know how to pronounce my name it's generally a good indicator that it's nobody I have any interest in talking to.


----------



## Wayfarer (Mar 19, 2006)

This reminds me of an episode of Friends where someone gets the name of the character "Chandler" incorrect.

As for me, I have no problems correcting people immediately. Indeed there is a diminuative form of my name that for some reason I detest. If someone uses it and it is not in a professional setting, my reply is usually, "You have to be sleeping with me to use that."


----------



## Kav (Jun 19, 2005)

"Whats in a name? A rose by any other name would smell as sweet." I suppose this is why the authorship of those lines by the Bard of Avon is questioned. Our names are us. Genetics can now tell black americans from what great african nations they descend from and show the descendants of Oetzi the italian alp iceman still live in his valley. Geneologists can trace our family trees deep into past centuries. Sometimes a name is ALL somebody has, like my ethiopian friend Getachew Zudi who walked at night through minefields with his sister to freedom. It's a matter to me of great import to know and properly pronounce everyone's name. To do anything less is disrespectfull and part of the same slovenly decay of flip flop and tshirt value systems.


----------



## rip (Jul 13, 2005)

Kav said:


> "Whats in a name? A rose by any other name would smell as sweet." I suppose this is why the authorship of those lines by the Bard of Avon is questioned. Our names are us.


Of course, Shakespeare is saying just the opposite of that; our names aren't us, we are us irrespective of our names. Romeo loved Juliet (or at least thought she smelled sweet) in spite of being a Capulet.


----------



## RSS (Dec 30, 2003)

If in passing ... I let it slip the first time. If it happens again, I correct ... but politely.

As I go by my middle name ... I am frequently addressed incorrectly ... by my first name.

I have, at times, been tempted to tell the IRS (although I realize this is not a case of mistaken identity in the office corridor) _"I will pay my taxes when you address me correctly. As far as I'm concerned ... my name is S. R is my father._ But given that a portion of my return is audited every other year or so ... I'm not sure I want to press this issue.

Recently, a friend has shown me a way of dealing with forms specifying first name / middle initial / last name. One writes in the space for first name ... their first initial ... leaves a blank space ... then adds their middle name. The space for middle initial is then left blank. My 2006 New York tax packet arrived with this revised version of my name! However, my California version arrived without the requested change. This year I'll try and change the IRS package.

Another pet peeve is being addressed by the abbreviation of the professional organization which follows my name at work. As a member of the American Institute of Architects ... I add "_*AIA*_" following my name. I can't begin to recount the number of times I've received mail (and not just junk mail) addressed, "Dear Mr. Aia," ...

Then there is my secretary, who is French. Given a name that includes a cedilla (_cé cédille)_ in the spelling ... she has just tossed in the towel and taken the name of Susan when in the office.


----------



## cufflink44 (Oct 31, 2005)

RSS said:


> Recently, a friend has shown me a way of dealing with forms specifying first name / middle initial / last name. One writes in the space for first name ... their first initial ... leaves a blank space ... then adds their middle name. The space for middle initial is then left blank. My 2006 New York tax packet arrived with this revised version of my name!


RSS, your comment put me in mind of an anecdote I read long ago in the Reader's Digest. Googling the punch line (which I've never forgotten) turned it up in toto:

_[Reader's Digest, 1958]__
My friend R.B. Jones doesn't have a first or middle name -- only the initials R.B. This unusual arrangement was never a problem until he went to work for a government agency. The government is not accustomed to initialed employees, so R.B. had a lot of explaining to do. On the official forms for the payroll and personnel departments, his name was carefully entered as R (Only) B (Only) Jones. Sure enough, when R.B. got his pay check, it was made out to Ronly Bonly Jones._


----------



## RSS (Dec 30, 2003)

RSS said:


> As I go by my middle name ... I am frequently addressed incorrectly ... by my first name.


Okay, okay ... via PM someone asks if my first name actually speaks. Well, no ... it doesn't ... even if what I wrote suggests it does. 

Lets see ... I could change that to ... _I'm frequently addressed incorrectly by people using my first name._ No, that's not it. Oh yes ...

I should have written ... _I am frequently addressed incorrectly by people who elect to call me by my first name. _


----------



## jcusey (Apr 19, 2003)

cufflink44 said:


> _[Reader's Digest, 1958]__
> My friend R.B. Jones doesn't have a first or middle name -- only the initials R.B. This unusual arrangement was never a problem until he went to work for a government agency. The government is not accustomed to initialed employees, so R.B. had a lot of explaining to do. On the official forms for the payroll and personnel departments, his name was carefully entered as R (Only) B (Only) Jones. Sure enough, when R.B. got his pay check, it was made out to Ronly Bonly Jones._


This reminds me of what happened to my college roommate. His first name is Stephen, which people almost invariably rendered "Steven". When giving his name to someone who was writing it down, he customarily said, "Stephen with a ph" to avoid the misspelling. One time when he did this when signing up for a mailing list or somesuch thing, he subsequently received a letter addressed to someone named Stevenph.


----------



## jcusey (Apr 19, 2003)

The only people who get my first name wrong are my mother and my grandmothers; and when they do, they will typically address me either by my father's or my brother's name. I don't correct them out of filial piety and because I assume that they know who I am.

My last name is not difficult to pronounce, but very few people will do so correctly if they have not heard me say it. There are some manglings that I can't abide; but if it's close enough, I don't bother to correct them.


----------



## JLibourel (Jun 13, 2004)

jcusey said:


> My last name is not difficult to pronounce, but very few people will do so correctly if they have not heard me say it. There are some manglings that I can't abide; but if it's close enough, I don't bother to correct them.


I always assumed that it rhymed with that of the noted 19th century English religious leader Dr. E.B. Pusey (roughly: poozee). Is this correct? Ironically, when they made "Goldfinger" into a movie, I guess they figured the name "Pussy Galore" was too risque, so they pronounced it like Dr. Pusey's throughout the movies.

My name has been so constantly mangled that I am amazed when anyone approximates the correct pronunciation. I have always pronounced my first name "Jan" in the European manner and dislike it when anyone pronounces it like the American girl's name. With some frequency, my first name gets modified to some similar-sounding typically American first name like "Ron," "Don," or "Tom." I have sometimes been called "Ian" or even "Hans." One I quite liked was when somebody garbled my first name into "Gun Libourel." That sounded very virile and put me in mind of the old "Peter Gunn" TV series.

In more recent years, with the increased Asian immigration, people on the phone will give my name an Asian twist. A receptionist will say, "May I tell him whose calling?" I reply, "Jan Libourel." "I'll see if he's available, Jong-Lee."

My last name is commonly misprounced as if it were "liberal." In actuality, it's more like "lee-boo-rel."


----------



## Acct2000 (Sep 24, 2005)

Eek!!

Had you not posted that, I would have mispronounced both your names, Jan!

So the J is a "Y", like in Dutch and German?

Which syllable is accented in your last name?


----------



## jcusey (Apr 19, 2003)

JLibourel said:


> I always assumed that it rhymed with that of the noted 19th century English religious leader Dr. E.B. Pusey (roughly: poozee). Is this correct? Ironically, when they made "Goldfinger" into a movie, I guess they figured the name "Pussy Galore" was too risque, so they pronounced it like Dr. Pusey's throughout the movies.


It's actually pronounced like the letters QZ, with the emphasis on the Q. I don't correct "coo'-zee" because it's close enough, but I really hate "cuss'-ee".


----------



## JLibourel (Jun 13, 2004)

forsbergacct2000 said:


> Eek!!
> 
> Had you not posted that, I would have mispronounced both your names, Jan!
> 
> So the J is a "Y", like in Dutch and German?


Yes



> Which syllable is accented in your last name?


The last one.

Thanks for the interest.


----------



## Acct2000 (Sep 24, 2005)

Thank you. Should we meet at an AAAC gathering, I will know how to address you!!!

My last name is one that is familiar to a lot of people, but we have an unusual doubled letter in it.

Outside of my little home town (Frankenmuth, MI), no one spells my name correctly unless they know me well. LOL


----------

