# Chuck Norris



## Bradford (Dec 10, 2004)

This article is for anyone else like me who was wondering why Chuck Norris jokes have become the internet rage all of a sudden...


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## tiger02 (Dec 12, 2004)

> quote:When the craze started, Norris was more befuddled than angered or amused. He let his publicist handle the newspapers. He stuck to his Walker persona, which is, you know, brick wall. On his Web site (www.chucknorris.com), he basically took this position: I. Get. It. Ha. Ha.


Perfect.

Thanks for the story Brad


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## globetrotter (Dec 30, 2004)

I hadn't heard about this, this is great


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## tiger02 (Dec 12, 2004)

> quote:_Originally posted by globetrotter_
> 
> I hadn't heard about this, this is great


It hit the styleforum the last couple of weeks there.

"Chuck Norris counted to infiniy. Twice."

and my personal favorite:
"Every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten. Every time God masturbates, Chuck Norris kills a lion." (thanks j.)

I think Chuck Norris may have worn a tie clip and killed the styleforum.

Tom


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## tck13 (Nov 4, 2005)

WWCND?


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## Mr. Checks (Dec 21, 2005)

The Norris doesn't need to know 50 million hits means, for they are but a handbreadth to him.


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## ChubbyTiger (Mar 10, 2005)

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you canâ€™t see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.


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## RJman (Nov 11, 2003)

They say curiosity killed the cat. This is false. Chuck Norris killed the cat. Every single one of them.

*************
RJman. Accept no imitations.


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## Fogey (Aug 27, 2005)

Who killed off white tie? Answer: Chuck Norris.


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## jeansguy (Jul 29, 2003)

I'm also a member of a Late model mustang forum where this has been rampant. I think it's hilarious.

I also think it's really funny that it has popped up here.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad Chuck Norris has never cried.

www.thegenuineman.com


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## Dr James Ryan (Feb 8, 2006)

There is no evolution. Only a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.


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## crazyquik (Jun 8, 2005)

My favorite:

"One night, Chuck Norris and Bill Braski were drinking together and got into an arguement about who was the biggest man. Well, they got into a fight, which is now called the Big Bang, and from it the entire universe was formed. They still teach it in some southern schools."

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Beware of showroom sales-fever reasoning: i.e., "for $20 . . ." Once you're home, how little you paid is forgotten; how good you look in it is all that matters.


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## daltx (Jan 19, 2006)

I have been laughing at these for months now. I have far too many favorites but here are a few:

"Some people sleep in Superman pajamas. Superman sleeps in Chuck Norris pajamas"

"Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light, not because he is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris"

"Chuck Norris can divide by zero"


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## AlanC (Oct 28, 2003)

The SNL Young Chuck Norris song is hilarious.


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## bwep (Apr 17, 2005)

This is all very odd. I do not understand it. They guy lives down the street from me.

"...always aspire to live simply and elegantly." - Madeleine Finn


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## Kav (Jun 19, 2005)

bwep, consider it reverse affection. Norris' films may never play at Cannes, but he isn't a moron like the plegmatic, ponytailed martial arteest action hero who hit on my G/F. We were dining at a oceanfront restaurant and he waddles over. I told him to stop bothering us. He asks if I knew who he was?I said,"Claude Van Damme?" I then explained I had studied judo and ju-jitsu under my roshi in San Francisco, named him ( past grand national japanese champion) and stood up in the classic loose judo stance.He left. How many martial arts stars does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, Norris scares burnt out bulbs back to life while the rest call for stunt doubles.


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## bwep (Apr 17, 2005)

Kav
Gotcha. I mean he seems like an average, nice guy.

"...always aspire to live simply and elegantly." - Madeleine Finn


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## JRR (Feb 11, 2006)

www.chucknorrisfacts.com


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## Fogey (Aug 27, 2005)

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.


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## RJman (Nov 11, 2003)

I believe a true Chuck Norris fact is that he met his (last? next to last? next to next to last?) wife when she sent him a topless photo of herself.


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## Ambulance Chaser (Feb 8, 2006)

> quote:_Originally posted by RJman_
> 
> I believe a true Chuck Norris fact is that he met his (last? next to last? next to next to last?) wife when she sent him a topless photo of herself.


I believe this was Brigitte Nielsen and Sylvester Stallone.


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## Mr. Checks (Dec 21, 2005)

> quote:_Originally posted by Dr James Ryan_
> 
> There is no evolution. Only a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.


This is the best one.

Unless Norris says it isn't the best one.


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## JBZ (Mar 28, 2005)

From memory, my three favorites are:

"Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls."

"Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi."

"If Chuck Norris falls into the ocean, he doesn't get wet - water gets Chuck Norris."


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## chorse123 (Apr 14, 2004)

Legend has it he walks among us even now, a dreamer alone in a world between dreams and reality.


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## johnapril (Feb 8, 2006)

Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.


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## 16128 (Feb 8, 2005)

> quote:_Originally posted by JBZ_
> 
> From memory, my three favorites are:
> 
> ...


Those are brilliant!


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## 16128 (Feb 8, 2005)

It's Chuck Norris' birthday.

https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001569/

*"Buy the best, and you will only cry once." - Chinese proverb*


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## Fogey (Aug 27, 2005)

> quote:_Originally posted by VS_
> 
> It's Chuck Norris' birthday.
> 
> ...


 Chuck Norris gets to decide when his birthday is. He has chosen that everyday is his birthday.


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## Badrabbit (Nov 18, 2004)

It is written that one day Chuck Norris will team up with Mr. T and Hulk Hogan. They will patrol the land roundhouse kicking, leg dropping, and pitying every fool insight. This is known as the apocalypse.

When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

Chuck Norris, contrary to popular belief, is the answer to the question, "What is the meaning of Life, the Universe, and Everything?", not 42.

And my favorite:

Chuck Norris is the reason why bad things happen to good people.

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Women thrive on novelty and are easy meat for the commerce of fashion. Men prefer old pipes and torn jackets. 
Anthony Burgess


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## Badrabbit (Nov 18, 2004)

The number of toothless people in trailer parks isn't evidence of poor dentistry. It's further evidence that Chuck Norris just doesn't have much use for people in trailer parks.

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Women thrive on novelty and are easy meat for the commerce of fashion. Men prefer old pipes and torn jackets. 
Anthony Burgess


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## Fogey (Aug 27, 2005)

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.


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## Karl89 (Feb 20, 2005)

Chuck Norris is not Trad. Hence the decline in Brooks Brothers.

Karl


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## Connemara (Sep 16, 2005)

There once was a man from Nantucket. Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the s**t out of him for living in a place with such a stupid name.

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"In summer I sleep under a white ermine cover and in winter, under sable."--Karl Lagerfeld, the one and only.


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