# Light Gray Suit for Funeral?



## JLibourel (Jun 13, 2004)

Yesterday evening I got the shocking news that a near neighbor of mine had died suddenly and unexpectedly. He was only 70 and had seemed perfectly vigorous until a couple of weeks ago. He was a very nice guy, and many of us will certainly miss him.

My understanding is that his funeral or memorial will probably be at a nearby church. Since parking is limited and it is no more that a half-mile from my home, I shall doubtless walk there. 

The problem: Normally, I would wear my medium-dark gray suit of VBC 110 with a white shirt and somber tie to the funeral. However, given the time of year, there is a good chance that the temperatures may be in the high 90s or low 100s. If this should be the case, I was thinking of swapping my medium-dark gray suit for a light gray suit of VBC 140, which fabric is a couple of ounces lighter.

Question: Would wearing the light gray suit be too jaunty for a summer funeral? Bear in mind that this is a Southern California funeral, and I would not be surprised to see many of the mourners in sports shirts. However, I do not want to commit a breach of good form. Would wearing the lighter weight and shade of suit constitute such a breach?


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## fishertw (Jan 27, 2006)

I faced a similar funeral dilemma recently in North Carolina. Rather than a dark wool navy or gray stripe, I chose a navy cotton poplin. It was an old family friend in the church that I grew up in with graveside service in nearly 100 degree temp. While still hot I was appropriately dressed and actually both cooler and yet more appropriately dressed than most others there. You'll be fine in a lighter suit and likely more appropriately dressed than most others there.


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## JBierly (Jul 4, 2012)

I don't see this as an issue. Just imagine what your deceased neighbor would think if he were alive. If you think he would be good with it then you should be good with it.


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## CLTesquire (Jul 23, 2010)

Uber and the dark suit.


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## SG_67 (Mar 22, 2014)

I think light gray will be fine. A white shirt and a solid tie, navy perhaps, will be as sober. 

I do agree with the call for an Uber.


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## Acct2000 (Sep 24, 2005)

I don't see a problem with the light grey suit. It may not be ideal, but it's still fairly conservative.


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## alphadelta (Oct 2, 2007)

I doubt the dearly departed will be upset if you wear a light grey suit. You will be better dressed than 90% of the attendees. 

What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?

One less drunk!


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## Matt S (Jun 15, 2006)

Sorry for your loss. The light grey suit should be fine considering the weather. Most people won't even wear a suit in that weather. Do you have a solid black tie you can wear? That would dispel any concerns about your outfit not being appropriate.


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## Acct2000 (Sep 24, 2005)

I'm actually not too big on solid black ties for funerals any more. Unless they naturally go with the rest of your outfit, it can almost seem like you are trying to outmourn the family. That may not be the best way to put it, but while I realize they were a funeral staple until about 40 years ago, I almost never see a black tie at a funeral any more.

To me, that's a bit theatrical. 

Any conservative tie that looks good with the shirt and suit would be fine.

Matt S knows a great deal about clothing and puts up many great posts; this is one of the very few times I would disagree with him.


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## Matt S (Jun 15, 2006)

forsbergacct2000 said:


> I'm actually not too big on solid black ties for funerals any more. Unless they naturally go with the rest of your outfit, it can almost seem like you are trying to outmourn the family. That may not be the best way to put it, but while I realize they were a funeral staple until about 40 years ago, I almost never see a black tie at a funeral any more.
> 
> To me, that's a bit theatrical.
> 
> ...


Perhaps a black tie with a black or charcoal suit might be trying to out-mourn the family, but with a light grey suit it's something that will add solemnity to a less serious and less formal suit, and a black tie naturally goes well with a grey suit and white shirt. Because light grey isn't the most conservative suit colour for a funeral, I think a black tie can make up for it. Even something conservative like a navy pindot tie will seem more festive with a light grey suit.


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## JLibourel (Jun 13, 2004)

I was thinking either a solid black or navy tie, and inclining toward the black, FWIW. It's horrible to mention this in conjunction with a funeral, but I do have a reputation around the neighborhood for elegance that I wish to maintain.


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## Charles Dana (Nov 20, 2006)

A light grey suit will be perfectly appropriate. With either a solid black or navy blue tie.

In 1998, my mom's funeral was at Rose Hills Memorial Park in Whittier, California, which is not far from Long Beach, where JLibourel resides. A few men there wore dark suits. The man who had lived next door to my mom for many years was in attendance, wearing a tan poplin suit that fit him beautifully. Some men wore jackets with no tie. 

Dark suit, light suit, no suit--tie, no tie--it didn't matter to me. I was just grateful to all who honored my mom's life by showing up. Their presence was all I cared about.


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## eagle2250 (Mar 24, 2006)

^^
Thank you, Charles Dana for a most excellent point that is often overlooked! Please accept my condolences, JLibourel, om the loss of your friend.


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## 12345Michael54321 (Mar 6, 2008)

My sympathies on your loss.

Per tradition, a dark grey suit would, of course, be preferable to a light grey suit. But that having been said, * you are in 2016 California, not Victorian England*. All too often these days, wearing any suit at all would leave you among the more conservatively attired funeral attendees. So purely as a practical matter, you'll doubtless be fine in light grey, particularly with even a remotely appropriate necktie.

If it still bothers you - and it really shouldn't, since funerals are not meant to be fashion shows - wear medium/dark grey and do as has been suggested and get a nice, air conditioned ride to the funeral via Uber.

Truly though, you aren't faced with any problem. Just a choice. You'll be fine no matter which alternative you choose.


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## Howard (Dec 7, 2004)

My condolences.


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## 16412 (Apr 1, 2005)

With Christian's these days, some funerals are joyous occasions. Wearing gloom and doom would be the wrong clothes to wear, and others, just right.

You can always take the coat off for the walk and carry it folded over the arm. And, then there is the coat hanger loop.


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## JLibourel (Jun 13, 2004)

Thanks for the messages of condolence. I actually suffered a much worse loss when one of my very good friends succumbed to cancer a few weeks back. The last time I called him, I got his answering machine. About an hour later, his girlfriend called me to say that my message arrived just as he was dying. He was only 57--young enough to be my son if I had gotten a precocious start in such matters (which I didn't). He was the breeder of two of my fine Tosa dogs. He had rural property in San Diego country where we spend many enjoyable hours shooting.

About two weeks after his passing, on a Saturday, I found a message that there would be a memorial service for him "tomorrow." On Sunday, I got spiffed up for the event and drove the 110 miles to his property. I got there about 10 minutes before the service was scheduled, and nobody was there. His stepson lives on the property. I knocked on his door, and the stepson told me that the service had been the previous day. I was horribly depressed that I hadn't been able to attend the service and also mortified that I had made a 220-mile round trip in vain. At least I tried. The girlfriend's message as it turned out had been left on Friday. In any event, by the time I got it, it would have been too late.


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## 12345Michael54321 (Mar 6, 2008)

WA said:


> With Christian's these days, some funerals are joyous occasions. Wearing gloom and doom would be the wrong clothes to wear, and others, just right.


Unless one is specifically told, "Don't wear somber colors to the funeral; he wanted it to be a joyous occasion," it is quite wrong to assume such a thing, and highly reasonable to assume that medium-dark grey is appropriate.

And JLibourel's initial post to this thread makes it abundantly clear that he has not been told by the deceased's family to wear something bright and happy.


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## zzdocxx (Sep 26, 2011)

Thank you JL for this thread. Sorry about your friend, actually both of them.

I'm just now in Hong Kong and was picking out a grey for a suit. Just thinking about our weather in Southern California, I picked a light grey over a charcoal. So this topic and the replies have been instructive, which is what I love about this site.

I agree that most of all they will be happy you are there.


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## Orsini (Apr 24, 2007)

Please accept my condolences.

Your points are all well made but, personally, I still would prefer not to do it.

I have a second interview rig that, with a different tie, is perfect for this. As I was family the last two times wore it, it was appropriate.


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## MaxBuck (Apr 4, 2013)

JLibourel said:


> Question: Would wearing the light gray suit be too jaunty for a summer funeral? ... I do not want to commit a breach of good form. Would wearing the lighter weight and shade of suit constitute such a breach?


No, and no. Go and mourn your friend's passing. And celebrate his life. And offer your love to his loved ones.

--Max


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## JLibourel (Jun 13, 2004)

Thank you for all the advice, gentlemen. I just learned that the memorial will be an outdoor event at the nearby Colorado Lagoon--hence, probably pretty informal. I will be guided by the temperature but hope at least to be in coat and tie.


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## ilikeyourstyle (Apr 24, 2007)

I have rarely noticed a dramatic difference in temperature based on what colour I was wearing. Because of this, I wouldn't hesitate to pick the darker suit. If it's hot enough to be uncomfortable in the dark suit then the same would be true about the lighter coloured suit. As suggested above, you can always carry the coat.


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## Pirendeus (Jul 17, 2009)

I, personally, would choose the darker suit---not necessarily as an outward sign for the other mourners, but for my own solemnity. I live in humid south carolina, but for occasions like this, I prefer to dress according to my emotion than for comfort. At the same time, I understand the opposite views, too, and agree that you being there at all is the most important part.


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## JLibourel (Jun 13, 2004)

ilikeyourstyle said:


> I have rarely noticed a dramatic difference in temperature based on what colour I was wearing. Because of this, I wouldn't hesitate to pick the darker suit. If it's hot enough to be uncomfortable in the dark suit then the same would be true about the lighter coloured suit. As suggested above, you can always carry the coat.


Actually, the reason I would favor the lighter suit was not because its color would make it marginally less heat-absorbent, I suppose, but because it was made with a somewhat lighter fabric.


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## zzdocxx (Sep 26, 2011)

ILYS lives in Toronto and I don't know how the intensity of the solar rays compares.

Or is that pronounced "Tronno" by the natives ? ? ?


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