# A politically correct seasonal greeting



## Joe Frances (Sep 1, 2004)

Last year I posted what I think is the absolutely best, politically correct, non-offensive, maybe satirical, but nonetheless serioius greeting that I have been working on for years. Some folks here thought it was pretty funny and clever, but I take it seriously. After years of fighting to preserve "Merry Christmas" I have decided that the move to Festivus or whatever is great, because I think it's time for believing Christians to take back Christmas as our own without compromise or dilution, and break it away from the craven misappropriation of Christ's Mass and St. Nicholas to appear as shills for wasteful commerce, and let everyone else have their happy holidays, or whatever. But the offense industry should know that "holidays" comes from holy days, and should be considered highly offensive. So here is what I am sending on a totatlly non-contextual card, to anyone who sends me "Happy Holidays." Feel free to appropriate this. I am promoting it as a public service.

"May that portion of the winter season that you find meaningful, provide you suitable sentiments.

Suitable Sentiments and happy shopping to all!

Joe


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## Yckmwia (Mar 29, 2005)

Who, or what, in recent years has been preventing "believing Christians" from celebrating Christmas in any manner they choose - with or without "compromise or dilution"? No one and nothing, so far as I can see; but I'm not a Christian, believing or otherwise, so I may not be sensitive to this form of oppression. In any event, Christians really have no complaint in this matter: from the earliest days of their creed they've been appropriating pagan rituals, traditions, and festivals for their own, with very mixed results. Finally, if I understand your complaint, you object to the association of the mythic birth of Christ with the crass commercial tornado that sweeps across the land every year as the Winter Solstice approaches. Hey, that's the way it goes. This is America, and here in America money talks, bull...t walks, and that goes for Jesus Christ, the Three Wise Men, and Santa and all his elves - _especially_ for them. After all, the Church has been commodifying Christ for nearly two millennia and counting; you can hardly blame commerce for trying to get in on the action.

"Politics, as a practice, whatever its professions, has always been the systematic organization of hatreds." Henry Adams


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## Vladimir Berkov (Apr 19, 2005)

Since I believe in a "Festivus for the Rest of Us" I see no reason to be concerned with the frivolity of other purported holidays. 

Now...who will join me for the feats of strength?


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## Badrabbit (Nov 18, 2004)

Yckmwia,

Is everyone who is not religious so weak minded that the very mention of a holiday offends them? I am not Muslim but would not be offended if someone said "Happy Ramadan." I might even reply "Happy Ramadan" in return. When someone says "Happy Hannukah" to me I always return the same. Why is it only the people who have no faith at all that are so offended by the very mention of a holiday? It's not as if people are saying "Merry Christmas to you, you're going to burn in hell." They are wishing that Dec. 25th is a merry time for you whether you believe or not. Those insufferable people, how dare they hope that a day is enjoyable for you?

In short, believe or not, that is your decision and I would die for your right to make it but walking around being offended by people passing on good wishes to you is no way to live. It shows that your only belief is in misanthropy.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Women thrive on novelty and are easy meat for the commerce of fashion. Men prefer old pipes and torn jackets. 
Anthony Burgess


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## Yckmwia (Mar 29, 2005)

> quote:_Originally posted by Badrabbit_
> 
> Yckmwia,
> 
> ...


You misread my post: I have no complaint against Christmas, or even "keeping Christ in Christmas." I have no complaint against Christ at all. Christians make me ill, but their spectral savior is harmless enough: The Elect may celebrate his nativity in any way they please, for all I care. But it is laughable to hear the twice-born bemoan the commercialization of Christmas, or allege that the holiday is being taken from them by scheming, profit-hungry ecumenicalists. Not to mention annoying.

"Politics, as a practice, whatever its professions, has always been the systematic organization of hatreds." Henry Adams


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## Yckmwia (Mar 29, 2005)

> quote:_Originally posted by Vladimir Berkov_
> 
> Since I believe in a "Festivus for the Rest of Us" I see no reason to be concerned with the frivolity of other purported holidays.
> 
> Now...who will join me for the feats of strength?


Hold it right there Comrade: you skipped one of the essential rites of the festival. You can't properly celebrate Festivus without telling all your friends and family how much they've disappointed you throughout the year. Physical feats of strength follow spiritual feats of spleen. Ceremony should be performed properly, if it is performed at all.

"Politics, as a practice, whatever its professions, has always been the systematic organization of hatreds." Henry Adams


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## ashie259 (Aug 25, 2005)

> quote:_Originally posted by Joe Frances_
> 
> "May that portion of the winter season that you find meaningful, provide you suitable sentiments.


A pedant writes: since your aim is to disseminate this, may I suggest that the comma is superfluous?


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## Thracozaag (Sep 5, 2002)

Merry, or happy (in case you think that merry 
always proceeds Christmas) whatever event in your 
faith or belief or ethnographic or social or personal 
system that you may be celebrating at this 
particular time of the year relating to your personal 
mythology, although please do not take the use 
of mythology as demeaning in categorizing 
whatever may be the system in which you believe, 
or tend to believe, or are curious about. We wish 
you peace and happiness, unless that peace and 
happiness involves blowing up other people 
because your interpretation of your belief system 
convinces you, or has led others to convince you, 
that such action will take you to whatever paradise 
is posited in that belief or mythos system. Please 
do not regard that statement as a condemnation of 
your beliefs or reason to target us as the means for 
your violent access to the aforementioned heaven. 
We do wish you (fill in the blank of the proper 
deitys name) speed to non-corporeal eternity, but 
unaccompanied by those who may not be so 
gleeful of such sudden entry. 

Oh, and happy New Year, too! 

koji


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## globetrotter (Dec 30, 2004)

I really don't understand the whole situation, frankly. I read yesterday that 31% of americans find "happy holidays" offensive. I honestly don't understand why. 

I celebrate hannuka. this year, my family, and 2 families that are mixed jewish and christians, and a christian family, will have 4 group celebrations, on 2 nights of hannuka and on christmas eve and christmas day (also nights of hannuka). the black woman in this group doesn't celebrate kwaanza, or we would have added that. 

I have no problem with "merry christmas" or "happy holidays", I have lived in a muslim state and was repeatedly blessed with "happy ramadan" and "easy fast" and I have lived in India and both celebrated and been blessed on various hindu holidays, espectially Ganesha and Divali. 

I honestly don't understand what the problem is.


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## mpcsb (Jan 1, 2005)

> quote:
> I honestly don't understand what the problem is.


The problem is too much bandwidth - too much news, several channels on air 24/7. When you have that much time to fill you end up "making" stories "important" whether non-news people find them so or not.
Cheers


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## ChubbyTiger (Mar 10, 2005)

> quote:I honestly don't understand what the problem is.


Nor do I. Live and let live, as it were. When a pagan wishes me a nice Yule celebration, I take it as it's meant - nicely. Ditto all the other holidays that happen to occur at this time of the year. Can't we all just be happy that others wish us good tidings? *sigh*

BTW, I quite liked "May that portion of the winter season that you find meaningful provide you suitable sentiments." It's a good one.

CT


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## Frank aka The Minotaur (Nov 12, 2004)

The people we try to keep from offending by saying Merry Christmas are the ones least likely to be offended by it. That is, when Hindus or Muslims come to a western country, the US in particular, chances are they already know some or most of the customs. And the truly faithful of those religions understand tolerance (yes, true Muslims are very gentle people). 

My doctor and her family are Jewish, and when I saw her at the hospital on Christmas day one time, she stopped to wish ME Happy Christmas, just as I wish her and her family Happy Hanukkah. I wish Hindu friends and acquaintances Happy Divali. And they wish me Merry Christmas. Why shouldn't Jews, Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists have a Merry Christmas too? They can't enjoy the day and the festivities? It IS the season, after all. 

As my sister pointed out, it's those people who have no faith who are most offended by Merry Christmas. I was listening to a TV program my 12 year old step-daughter was watching (That's So Raven) and was appalled when I heard that Christmas is a time to welcome Santa and give and share. No mention made of what the original gifts were (uh, gold, frankincense, myrrh?) and to whom they were give (the name Jesus come to mind?). I'm not a holy roller by any means, but c'mon!

PC run amuck.


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## globetrotter (Dec 30, 2004)

just a question here from somebody who is curious and didn't grow up in the states and isn't a christian, so don't explode on me or anything - 

I remember reading that a few generations ago, Christians (in the sense of religious believing Christians) were against christmas because it wasn't a traditional christian holiday - the date was co-oped from a roman pagan holiday and a lot of the symbols were pagan. there was apperantly quite a bit of controversy about it in the 19th century. 

now, it seems that the Christians are much more solidly in favor of the religious aspect of the holiday. 

is this accurate? does this seem a little strange to anybody else?


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## ChubbyTiger (Mar 10, 2005)

Personally, I think it's a silly arguement. As Christianity spread through Europe, the recent converts naturally started putting a Christian spin on traditional holidays. It doesn't bother me a bit that Christmas is the same time as Yule or some Apollo festival, or that All Hallow's Eve (Halloween) is Samhain, or St. Valentine's day is Lupercalia. 

I know that some Christians still get in a snit about Halloween. 

God created the pagans, too, after all. And while I believe that they were ignorant in their beliefs, I don't think it taints all of their symbols and holidays. I'm sure we could find the same sort of thing happening to every religion as it spread from culture to culture. Now that I really think about it, it's probably a good thing, actually. Wouldn't life be boring if we were all the same?

CT


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## bosthist (Apr 4, 2004)

> quote:_Originally posted by globetrotter_
> 
> just a question here from somebody who is curious and didn't grow up in the states and isn't a christian, so don't explode on me or anything -
> 
> ...


Globetrotter:

You're right about the origins of Christmas as we know it. I recommend Stephen Nissenbaum's "The Battle for Christmas: A Social and Cultural History of Christmas that Shows How it Was Transformed from an Unruly Carnival Season into the Quintessential American Family Holiday".


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## Yckmwia (Mar 29, 2005)

> quote:_Originally posted by bosthist_
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I second Charles' recommendation. Nissenbaum's book is excellent reading, particularly during the holidays.

"Politics, as a practice, whatever its professions, has always been the systematic organization of hatreds." Henry Adams


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## Rich (Jul 10, 2005)

In free-thinking France we say "bonnes fÃªtes" - no-one is offended or left out.


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## mpcsb (Jan 1, 2005)

> quote:_Originally posted by Rich_
> 
> In free-thinking France we say "bonnes fÃªtes" - no-one is offended or left out.


Can I move there and leave all this behind?
Cheers


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## Coolidge24 (Mar 21, 2005)

I think I'll just go on saying 'Merry Christmas' to everyone and not worry about whether it offends them.


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## bosthist (Apr 4, 2004)

> quote:_Originally posted by Coolidge24_
> 
> I think I'll just go on saying 'Merry Christmas' to everyone and not worry about whether it offends them.


Coolidge24:

It is the conservative folks that are getting bent out of shape by hearing "Happy Holidays" so it is very unlikely you will offend anyone.


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## jbmcb (Sep 7, 2005)

> quote:_Originally posted by Rich_
> 
> In free-thinking France we say "bonnes fÃªtes" - no-one is offended or left out.


That is horribly offensive to deaf people. What, you just go around and assume everyone can hear? You must also sign the sentiment, making sure the gestures for international sign are not offensive in some other form of nonverbal physical communication, of course.

Wait, that would be offensive to deaf and blind people. I guess you should grab their hand and sign against it.

Then, some religions or caste systems might object to such casual physical contact... Hmmm...

Avoid looking at or acknowledging the existance of other people while out and about. Then you're safe.



Good/Fast/Cheap - Pick Two


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## Andy (Aug 25, 2002)

> quote:_Originally posted by Thracozaag_
> 
> Merry, or happy (in case you think that merry
> always proceeds Christmas) whatever event in your
> ...


koji:

Good one!

We're going to run this by the attorneys who may have an opinion by March. Then next year we can introduce the 10" x 15" personal mythology card!

But for now back to shopping...

Andy


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## prato (Jan 5, 2005)

> quote:_Originally posted by jbmcb_
> 
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> 
> ...


Mitch Hedberg had a joke something like (paraphrase):

You should never wave at someone you don't know, cuz, like what if they don't have any hands? They could think you're cocky. "Look what _I've_ got. This thing is _useful_. I'm gonna go pick something up."

Anyway, Merry Christmas or have a nice day.


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## android (Dec 8, 2004)

I heard there is no Christmas
In the silly Middle East
No trees, no snow, no Santa Claus
They have different religious beliefs

They believe in Muhammad
And not in our holiday
And so every December
I go to the Middle East and say...

"Hey there Mr. Muslim
Merry ****ing Christmas
Put down that book the Koran
And hear some holiday wishes.

In case you haven't noticed
It's Jesus's birthday.
So get off your heathen Muslim ass
and ****ing celebrate.

There is no holiday season in India I've heard
They don't hang up their stockings
And that is just absurd!

They've never read a Christmas story.
They don't know what Rudolph is about
And that is why in December
I'll go to India and shout...

Hey there Mr. Hinduist
Merry ****ing Christmas
Drink eggnog and eat some beef
And pass it to the missus.

In case you haven't noticed
It's Jesus's birthday
So get off your heathen Hindu ass
and ****ing celebrate!

Now I heard that in Japan
Everyone just lives in sin
They pray to several gods
And put needles in their skin.

On December 25th
All they do is eat a cake
And that is why I go to Japan
And walk around and say...

Hey there Mr. Shintoist
Merry ****ing Christmas
God is going to kick your ass
You infidelic pagan scum.

In case you haven't noticed
There's festive things to do
So lets all rejoice for Jesus
And Merry ****ing Christmas to you.

On Christmas day I travel `round the world and say,
Taoists, Krishnas, Buddhists, and all you atheists too,
Merry ****ing Christmas, To You!


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## Frank aka The Minotaur (Nov 12, 2004)

> quote:_Originally posted by prato_
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Not related to Christmas, but along the lines of offending...

About 12 years ago on the day I started working for a former employer (the job lasted 8 weeks before I walked out in disgust), I was being introduced to various coworkers by my new boss. Little did I know that several women were Orthodox Jews. Of course, being the professional businessman I am, I extended my hand to both male and female coworkers. One of the women sat with her hands curled up in her sleeves. I stood there with my hand extended, as she said in a quiet voice "I cannot" and kept her hands curled close to her body. I thought "Oh my God, she's handicapped!" and felt completely mortified. I retracted my hand and weakly said "very nice to meet you" and slunk off to the next new acquaintance.

Only later did my boss say "oh yeah, I forgot to tell you she's one of the Orthodox Jewish woman, and can't make physical contact with a man". That was the first of many games the s.o.b. played (now you know why I walked out). Like a dog marking its territory, my boss lifted his leg and pissed on me to show who was alpha.


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## ChubbyTiger (Mar 10, 2005)

Posting the lyrics to any South Park wins high marks from me. Those guys can offend anyone. 

Frank aka The Minotaur - that guy sounds like a real a-hole. At least you're out of there.

CT

Fabricati diem, pvnc. (loose translation, To Serve and Protect) -- Sign above the door of the City Watch House, Ankh-Morpork.


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## globetrotter (Dec 30, 2004)

> quote:_Originally posted by Frank aka The Minotaur_
> 
> 
> 
> ...


somebody once tought me never to extend my hand to a woman to shake, until she does. you meet some women, espectialy old fashined ones, who don't shake, and then you have orthodox jews and a couple of other cultures. it has worked well for me.

but, yeah, that guy sounds like a real a-hole


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## KenR (Jun 22, 2005)

> quote:_Originally posted by bosthist_
> 
> It is the conservative folks that are getting bent out of shape by hearing "Happy Holidays" so it is very unlikely you will offend anyone.


I do not consider myself especially conservative but I do get somewhat (and I mean only _somewhat_) offended by people, who do celebrate Christmas themselves, saying "happy holidays" to me IF they know I am also Christian. It makes me think that they are suffering from political correctness-itis. However, if one of the parties is not Christian or is not sure of the others religous background then happy holidays is certainly appropriate.


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## prato (Jan 5, 2005)

> quote:_Originally posted by globetrotter_
> somebody once tought me never to extend my hand to a woman to shake, until she does. you meet some women, espectialy old fashined ones, who don't shake, and then you have orthodox jews and a couple of other cultures. it has worked well for me.


I agree with letting the lady lead on that one. Then, when I do shake, it's not the usual firm handshake. I hadn't heard about the no physical contact thing, though. Interesting.


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## Sir Henry Billingsgate (Dec 14, 2005)

According to William Bradford, in _Of Plymouth Plantation_, the Pilgrims were split about Christmas.

Some, like most Puritans, rejected Christmas as a pagan festival (derived from the Roman Saturnalia); others continued to celebrate it.

On the first Christmas, the rejecters went out to work while the celebrants remained behind. Upon returning from work, the rejecters found the celebrants playing a ball game something like cricket or baseball. That was too much for them. Following that, the Pilgrims decided that, while the celebrants could continue to observe Christmas they could not then play games.

Christmas would be illegal in much of Puritan New England.


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## Fogey (Aug 27, 2005)

The Season is not official until the Festivus pole is displayed.


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## rojo (Apr 29, 2004)

My favorite politically correct holiday story is James Finn Garner's "Frosty the Persun of Snow":

"Should they make a snow fort? Too militaristic, said Betty. How about snow angels? No, countered, Bobby, they had been raised agnostic. Besides, such a public display of religious figures might make others uncomfortable." 

So they decide on People of Snow: "Bobby wanted to put a corncob pipe in its mouth, but Betty objected, saying the implied endorsement would harm the more impressionable children in the neighborhood."


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## maxnharry (Dec 3, 2004)

There is no war on Christmas. Just a need to generate news stories. Christmas is alive and well in Christian churches (which is where the religious holiday belongs). 

Having grown up in NY, I know what religious flavor each of my friends or neighbors are and give each an appropriate and timely greeting. 

If a stranger gives me a happy Christmas, Hannukah, Kwanza, etc., I respond to that soul's kindness with a thank you and a happy (X) to you too. Those who are offended by a sincerely offered greeting of happiness can eat me.


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## Daywalker (Aug 21, 2005)

Always LMAO at this one:

Please accept, with no obligation implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the Winter Solstice Holiday(tm), practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all, and a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2006, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose
contributions to society have helped make America great, (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only "America" in the Western hemisphere), and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform, or sexual orientation of the wishee.

By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms:
This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of
the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.


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## AlanC (Oct 28, 2003)

Merry Ramahanachrismakwanza!


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## Harry96 (Aug 3, 2005)

It is silly that anyone complains over "Merry Christmas" being replaced by something more "PC," assuming that it is happening and, if it is, that this sort of thing isn't cyclical. How does what a person or private business calls this time of year impose upon your ability to celebrate whatever you want however you want? It would be cause for grave concern if the government were trying to impose or ban anything, but it's not and that's not what people are complaining about. 

I got a card a couple of days ago from a friend who made a passing comment in the card over how terrible it is that some choose a greeting that doesn't mention Christmas. 

In the card I sent to him today, I wrote:

"Merry Christmas *

* Or Hannukah, Kwanzaa or whatever it is, Festivus, Voodoo Man Day, or whatever else anyone does or might celebrate on or around December 25."


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