# Wedding Attire - Nantucket red pants?



## Loosecanyn (Jun 4, 2009)

Gentlemen,

This is my first post, so forgive me if this a redundant question.

I have a good friend's wedding this weekend and I am torn between the boring navy blue suit (though with a bow tie) or potentially donning some Nantucket red pants with a blazer.

I know the golden rule is to not upstage the bride, but I know this crowd is going to be full of dime-a-dozen blue and gray suits and I have a reputation to uphold of dressing well. The ceremony is at 3 and the cocktails start at 5:30, and it will be partially outdoors on the Long Island Sound.

I think I know where you all might fall on this issue, but obviously needed to check with your expert opinions!

Thanks,
JMC


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## Reds & Tops (Feb 20, 2009)

Are you in the wedding party? If so I'd say go navy suit. The first thing people would see in the pictures would be your pants. Not good for a lasting friendship with said bride & groom.

If not, I think you can get away with the reds. Especially considering you'll be outside for a good portion of the day.


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## Naval Gent (May 12, 2007)

Sounds fine for the reception, but what is the venue for the wedding? If it's a casual venue, I think what you propose would be fine. If its some high church location, and the wedding party will be dressed semiformally, probably a little too casual (at least for me). 

Scott


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## Loosecanyn (Jun 4, 2009)

Reds & Tops said:


> Are you in the wedding party? If so I'd say go navy suit. The first thing people would see in the pictures would be your pants. Not good for a lasting friendship with said bride & groom.
> 
> If not, I think you can get away with the reds. Especially considering you'll be outside for a good portion of the day.


I am not in the wedding party, but very close to both bride and groom.

Navy Gent, the ceremony will be at a Catholic church and the reception is at the Merchant Marine Academy...which I guess means I should probably dress up.

Thanks for your replies.
JMC


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## Patrick06790 (Apr 10, 2005)

Loosecanyn said:


> I am not in the wedding party, but very close to both bride and groom.
> 
> Navy Gent, the ceremony will be at a Catholic church and the reception is at the Merchant Marine Academy...which I guess means I should probably dress up.
> 
> ...


Your instincts are sound.

Why not bring the blazer and reds along anyway, and if people start getting their heads stuck in the potato salad you can chuck 'em on and get funky?


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## jsk85 (Nov 4, 2008)

I would go for the conservative suit. It's tempting to want to always be a peacock, but there is a time and place for everything. This seems to be an occasion where you might tone it down a little out of respect. Truly, the most important component of dressing well is dressing appropriately. I have a feeling you will still find a way to "dress well" wearing a suit.

Best regards,
JSK


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## ComboOrgan (Aug 28, 2006)

The bowtie might also be a bad decision.

North of the mason-dixon line, bowties are pretty attention-grabbing, so I don't wear them at weddings.


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## Kurt N (Feb 11, 2009)

jsk85 said:


> I would go for the conservative suit. It's tempting to want to always be a peacock, but there is a time and place for everything. This seems to be an occasion where you might tone it down a little out of respect. Truly, the most important component of dressing well is dressing appropriately. I have a feeling you will still find a way to "dress well" wearing a suit.
> 
> Best regards,
> JSK


+1. A good dresser knows how to uphold his reputation while respecting the constraints of the occasion, one of which is "the day isn't about you."

If lots of other folk were also going to be dressing colorfully, it would be a different story.


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## Joe Tradly (Jan 21, 2006)

Are you invited to the rehersal dinner (everyone seems to be these days)? If so, the reds and blazer would be a perfect choice. I would wear the suit to the wedding unless you know for certain it's a very casual group (and based on the ceremony and reception locations, it sounds like it is not).

JB


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## Ron_A (Jun 5, 2007)

I concur with Naval Gent and Joe Tradly -- okay for the rehearsal dinner (if attending), may be okay for the reception if others will be casually dressed, probably not okay for formal ceremony at church.


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## Doctor Damage (Feb 18, 2005)

Patrick06790 said:


> Why not bring the blazer and reds along anyway, and if people start getting their heads stuck in the potato salad you can chuck 'em on and get funky?


That's a good suggestion. In my limited experience of weddings I have noticed that at some point even the most stiff people get stupidly drunk. They will not remember their own names, never mind what you wore or changed into. So bring some fun gear and once the gasoline is flowing and everyone is happy (even the 35-year-old, unmarried bridesmaids), sneak out and put on the reds. At that point the only photos in which the reds will be seen will be unofficial and informal and you'll get people saying things for years afterwards like "I don't remember you wearing red pants!" to which you can answer "That's because when you came back from the bathroom you passed out and lay on the floor with your fly open."


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## release the hounds (Nov 7, 2008)

You're not in Nantucket, so definitely no Reds. I'm from Upstate NY and live in Philadelphia now, and if you were here, I would say go for it, however not in L.I. Having spent lots of time in N.Y.C. I have to say that there is a strict adherence when it comes to nuptial celebrations, and you better not get it wrong. I always received positive comments in a navy mtm Polo pinstripe. Play with your 7-fold, pocket square, and sock colors. Make them all Reds if you like, but stick to the basics elsewhere. Trust me.


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## My Pet. A Pantsuit (Dec 25, 2008)

It's funny that this gets brought up - I just got to help outfit a wedding party where all the groom's men are to be wearing Nantucket reds.


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## Acct2000 (Sep 24, 2005)

I vote for the suit, also.


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## PorterSq (Apr 17, 2008)

Go with the non-reds. It's their day, let them be the center of attention. Respectfully, I'd suggest leaving the bowtie at home for the same reason.


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## PorterSq (Apr 17, 2008)

My Pet said:


> It's funny that this gets brought up - I just got to help outfit a wedding party where all the groom's men are to be wearing Nantucket reds.


This is a different animal, though. If the bride and groom decide they want to make the wedding party dress up a certain way, that's fine. It's when a guest chooses to wear clothing that's distracts, and detracts, from the main celebrants that it's objectionable.


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## DCLawyer68 (Jun 1, 2009)

Bow tie is fine for the reception (assuming its tasteful). It's hardly some sort of sartorial distraction. I'd avoid wearing one to a catholic church wedding though as it might come off as a little casual to many.


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## Mike Petrik (Jul 5, 2005)

DCLawyer68 said:


> Bow tie is fine for the reception (assuming its tasteful). It's hardly some sort of sartorial distraction. I'd avoid wearing one to a catholic church wedding though as it might come off as a little casual to many.


As a devout practicing Catholic I find this quite surprising. I have never regarded the four-in-hand tie as more formal than the bow tie, which indeed is the only tie appropriate for formal occasions. In any case, I believe few if any Catholics would regard the bow tie as too casual. That said, the bow tie is certainly less popular than the four-in-hand and does risk calling some additional attention to yourself, which is a fair consideration for the concerns raised by PorterSq et al. Nonetheless, while I think those considerations are weighty when applied to the reds, I view them as very marginal when applied to a conservative bow tie. Bottom line: go with the suit, but wear whatever conservative tie you wish.


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## DCLawyer68 (Jun 1, 2009)

Mike Petrik said:


> As a devout practicing Catholic I find this quite surprising. I have never regarded the four-in-hand tie as more formal than the bow tie, which indeed is the only tie appropriate for formal occasions. In any case, I believe few if any Catholics would regard the bow tie as too casual. That said, the bow tie is certainly less popular than the four-in-hand and does risk calling some additional attention to yourself, which is a fair consideration for the concerns raised by PorterSq et al. Nonetheless, while I think those considerations are weighty when applied to the reds, I view them as very marginal when applied to a conservative bow tie. Bottom line: go with the suit, but wear whatever conservative tie you wish.


That's nice to hear. I've met some people who think bow ties are more casual, but they are from the part of country where you don't see them very often and probably view them as an affectation. My concern wouldn't be that a nice bow tie isn't dressy enough, but depending on where you are you might run into some people who don't share that view. _Personally_, I'm a fan, and I hope for a better day when those of us who like to wear them from time to time don't have to be concerned about such things.


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## PorterSq (Apr 17, 2008)

DCLawyer68 said:


> My concern wouldn't be that a nice bow tie isn't dressy enough, but depending on where you are you might run into some people who don't share that view. _Personally_, I'm a fan, and I hope for a better day when those of us who like to wear them from time to time don't have to be concerned about such things.


I think DC's analysis is spot-on here.


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## GBR (Aug 10, 2005)

A suit and conventional tie must surely be right - unless you want to upset the apple cart by being the focus of attention. You say you don't....


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## Canadian (Jan 17, 2008)

How about a proper suit with a pair of loud braces? 

Thomas


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## zarathustra (Aug 24, 2006)

Doctor Damage said:


> That's a good suggestion. In my limited experience of weddings I have noticed that at some point even the most stiff people get stupidly drunk. They will not remember their own names, never mind what you wore or changed into. So bring some fun gear and once the gasoline is flowing and everyone is happy (even the 35-year-old, unmarried bridesmaids), sneak out and put on the reds. At that point the only photos in which the reds will be seen will be unofficial and informal and you'll get people saying things for years afterwards like "I don't remember you wearing red pants!" to which you can answer "That's because when you came back from the bathroom you passed out and lay on the floor with your fly open."


Haha. I agree and i wouldn't want to risk messing up the suit for someone else's drunken debauchery. That said, i see no reason to not wear the bow tie. If you are asking, you likely wear them somewhat frequently? I would not hesitate to wear the bowtie. But i wear bowties to work... at a lawfirm... in ... New York. YMMV.


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## Mike Petrik (Jul 5, 2005)

zarathustra said:


> Haha. I agree and i wouldn't want to risk messing up the suit for someone else's drunken debauchery. That said, i see no reason to not wear the bow tie. If you are asking, you likely wear them somewhat frequently? I would not hesitate to wear the bowtie. But i wear bowties to work... at a lawfirm... in ... New York. YMMV.


I agree. If you wear bow ties regularly, the affectation would be to avoid them at a wedding. I stand by my view that bow ties are not any more or less casual than four-in-hand ties. They are simply an option. I know lawyers in NY, DC, Atlanta, & Chgo who wear bow ties regularly. I used to know such lawyers in LA and SF until recent years, when wearing any tie at all became viewed as an affectation calling attention to oneself.

We live in an era where demonstating any care whatsoever in one's appearance is viewed as an affectation. At many churches, showing up for Sunday services in a coat and tie would make you unique and therefore noticed in a way that may not be intended. That is not going to stop me from wearing a coat and tie.


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## kkollwitz (Oct 31, 2005)

*Cathollics in S.C.*

I never think twice about anyone wearing bowties to Mass....although it is South Carolina.

BTW, a question:

What color/pattern necktie would go with a white shirt, blue blazer, and 'reds'? I have the three aforementioned items, never add a tie, but would like to.


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## Moose Maclennan (Apr 20, 2006)

kkollwitz said:


> ...What color/pattern necktie would go with a white shirt, blue blazer, and 'reds'? I have the three aforementioned items, never add a tie, but would like to.


A colourful horizontal stripe knit tie, like the ones Brooks carries (https://www.brooksbrothers.com/IWCa...ct_Id=1398552&Parent_Id=210&default_color=Red) would look nice. 
I think the jokey/nautical emblematic ties might be overdoing it in the above context.


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## gtsecc (Mar 25, 2008)

kkollwitz said:


> I never think twice about anyone wearing bowties to Mass....although it is South Carolina.


Ditto.
Where I attend, almost all men wear a tie.
More than half of them wear bow ties....although it is Charleston, South Carolina.:aportnoy:

Also, in Charleston, the bow tie is very common at weddings (in solid black.)
Occasionally someone here will post that they went to a wedding in Chucktown and it was different, but further inspection usually reveals it was actually not in Charleston proper at all.


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## DCLawyer68 (Jun 1, 2009)

When in Rome...

It's about appearances and perception. People don't know what you wear in your day to day life. 

Dressing well is a sign of respect for others. If you're in an environment where people think bow ties are just a variant of the four in hand, that's great. In some areas, people don't get it and you run the risk of being seen as a little eccentric. I honestly don't know what the case is in the venue at hand.

There's a reason that John Malloy (dress for success) cautions against them. 

For example, if you're going to a wedding where everyone's planning to dress casually, you'll stick out wearing a coat and tie. I wouldn't do that if I thought I was going to be the only person similarly attired.


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## gtsecc (Mar 25, 2008)

DCLawyer68 said:


> When in Rome...
> 
> It's about appearances and perception. People don't know what you wear in your day to day life.
> 
> ...


Yes. I agree. But, some people can show up dressed differently, and everyone else assumes they themselves are dressed inappropriately, not the other way around. At least that is how it works in the imagination of my mind.


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## hbs midwest (Sep 19, 2007)

Loosecanyn said:


> I am not in the wedding party, but very close to both bride and groom.
> 
> Navy Gent, the ceremony will be at a Catholic church and the reception is at the Merchant Marine Academy...which I guess means I should probably dress up.
> 
> ...


Uh-huh.:icon_smile:

Prayers and best wishes for the happy couple.

hbs


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