# Wife not into trad



## Puritan (Feb 3, 2012)

So here's a question for you gentlemen. What do you do if your wife is not into the trad look? My wife would much rather prefer me in a t shirt and jeans than a blazer and khakis. She said I appear all "fancy/rich" when I dress trad. I'm frankly more comfortable dressing this way. Any thoughts or suggestions to try to win her over? She does love J. Crew which is somewhat of a start...

Her comment today that I looked fancy/rich was when I was wearing:

J. Crew light blue check OCBD
J. Crew merino wool vneck
BB Clark Khaki's
Argyle socks
LL Bean tan boat shoes

Warmest regards,

Puritan


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## SCsailor (Jul 2, 2008)

Sorry about the lack of suppport at home. i see you live in Phila. She should be used to seeing guys dressed as you've described above. I would suggest easing her into it. Don't break out the patchwork madras pants just yet. Perhaps it's also too soon for argyle socks. Stick with khakis and ocbd shirts for awhile until she gets used to it. good luck.


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## eagle2250 (Mar 24, 2006)

Stick with the program and wear her down!


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## Bandit44 (Oct 1, 2010)

eagle2250 said:


> Stick with the program and wear her down!


Sound advice.


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## M Go Crimson (Aug 20, 2011)

So, how did you dress before you two got hitched?


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## nerdykarim (Dec 13, 2005)

I suspect the problem is that your clothes are all too new. This is what I would do, in order of importance.
1) no socks w/ boat shoes (or go with some suede desert boots if you need to wear socks)
2) sub khakis for jeans (dark wash; 501-style cut)
3) untuck shirt under sweater

Once your gear gets worn-in and/or frayed a little bit, you should be able to start tucking and such without looking too fancy.


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## phyrpowr (Aug 30, 2009)

Is a trad-in out of the question? You could always trad up. Life's a series of trad offs....Hey! you know you were thinking it!


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## sbdivemaster (Nov 13, 2011)

I was going to suggest something similar to nerdykarim. If she's used to you in t-shirt and jeans (was my dress code for 20 years), try just adding one thing at a time. Maybe wear that v-neck with t-shirt and jeans... next time, try just the boat shoes, or a OCBD with the jeans, no v-neck... keep switching it up. She'll become acclimated to the new gear a piece at a time, then you can start adding more pieces at the same time. Just keep it gradual.

Maybe get her some Trad Girl gear of her own - maybe she's feeling kind of left out, or left behind... I dunno. She's a woman, how am I supposed to know what they're thinking...? :icon_jokercolor:


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## upthewazzu (Nov 3, 2011)

I'm kinda experiencing the same thing. I've been a t-shirt and jeans guy pretty much the entire 9 years I've known my wife but recently decided to start changing it up and acting my age (turning 30 in June). To my surprise, she's kinda resisted the change. I figured she'd love seeing me in blazers and OCBD's, but not really.


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## Jovan (Mar 7, 2006)

I'm surprised to hear this. Most women I talk to wish men would look a little nicer than jeans and a t-shirt at least once in a while.


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## FJW (Jan 25, 2012)

Anytime men begin to care about their appearance wives/girlfriends start to think something's up. But as usual, they tend to overthink everything and maybe 'we' just want to look better...for them!

Don't let her get you down.


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## Oldsarge (Feb 20, 2011)

That's the advantage to the West Coast Surfer Dude Trad. T-shirts and jeans are its base but you can dress it up incrementally. That's what I'm doing. The wife is surprised but not displeased, so long as I don't dip too heavily into the household budget for it.


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## hardline_42 (Jan 20, 2010)

This is all too familiar territory for me. I've known my wife for 20 years, we've been married for 6 and I've only been dressing trad for a little while, encountering resistance along the way. The important thing is to see this from your wife's perspective. It's not just about clothing. There are other visceral emotional responses that something as simple as changing your wardrobe can stir up. For example:

- Betrayal. Wives expect their husbands to be the same exact person they married forever. They'll make concessions for the effects of age and gravity on your physique (I hope) but not voluntary changes to your character. Her comments about your dress making you look "fancy/rich" indicate that she might think you're dressing like "someone else." Someone other than the person she married. Show her you're still the same guy by not sacrificing the time and attention you would normally give to her to visit this forum, go thrifting etc. Don't talk excessively about clothes. Buy her clothing and accessories of similar quality to your own to show her you aren't trying to leave her behind or one-up her, but rather improve as a family. Be yourself, just dress better.

- Insecurity. Modern society doesn't tolerate men who dress better than their mates and women know this. That's why so many women tolerate men who are grossly underdressed for every occasion. Dressing well is THEIR thing and having a guy around who dresses to the nines while she goes out in Uggs, black tights and a north face jacket is fun as a novelty, but can get old quick. Exercise restraint when going out in public and make her feel comfortable. A guy in a polo shirt, khakis and some Jack Purcells is well dressed but non-threatening. An OCBD, ribbon belt, kelly green pants and weejuns is another story.

- Jealousy. When you dress better than 99% of the population, people will notice you. Sometimes those people are females. There's no way around it. Be smart about it. Deal with it politely but decisively. Don't flirt or get into conversations about clothes with other women. 

- Humiliation. No woman wants to be embarrassed by her husband. Given than not every event will be full of AAAC members waiting to compliment you on your awesome embroidered cords and repp bowtie, use some common sense and dress in a manner that won't draw negative attention. Again, simplicity is the key. 

These are all my experience. IANAL, YMMV etc. etc. But seeing things from my wife's perspective has helped her accept something she was previously dead-set against and helped her realize that change isn't always a bad thing.


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## eyedoc2180 (Nov 19, 2006)

SCsailor said:


> Sorry about the lack of suppport at home. i see you live in Phila. She should be used to seeing guys dressed as you've described above. I would suggest easing her into it. Don't break out the patchwork madras pants just yet. Perhaps it's also too soon for argyle socks. Stick with khakis and ocbd shirts for awhile until she gets used to it. good luck.


. This. Maybe mix in a few pleated pants or square-toed Kenneth Coles, and you'll be all set. Immersion can be done slowly.


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## Orsini (Apr 24, 2007)

If you capitulate, it will never stop. It will be a long slow slide...


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## Canadian (Jan 17, 2008)

My girlfriend loves trad. When we want, we get dressed up like Chuck and Blair, or Frasier and Lillith. (Depending on the situation, but she looks terrific in a LBD and in a sundress with a headband. She loves it when I put on a blazer, bow tie, coloured pants and loafers. She doesn't even own jeans and I must admit, my jeans come out when watching my niece barrel race.

If your wife doesn't appreciate trad, work it in slowly. I don't know any girl who doesn't like their boyfriend or husband to clean up well. But that doesn't mean you need to dress to the nines every day. Sometimes she wants to be the one who gets the attention. And it loses its novelty if you're consistantly dressed up. Often if you wear what your wife wants around the house, you get more rope when it comes time to get dressed up. 

At least you're not like me and put on an ascot when I get home.

Thomas


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## eccentricruss (Jan 25, 2012)

My wife tends to be put-off by my recent adoption of trad as well. In the spirit of hardline 42's comments, she will really set-off when I am better dressed than her when we go out somewhere mundane, like grocery shopping or to the mall; she'd prefer me in jeans and a t-shirt and work boots, the standard uniform of North Central WV. Going out on date nights, she wants me dressed up, but again unless I wish to hear about her needing a wardrobe all night, I better let her win the "dress up" trophy for the night...


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## Francisco D'Anconia (Apr 18, 2007)

Get dressed. Hire a divorce lawyer.


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## bd79cc (Dec 20, 2006)

Orsini said:


> If you capitulate, it will never stop. It will be a long slow slide...


So true, Orsini. So true!



Francisco D'Anconia said:


> Get dressed. Hire a divorce lawyer.


Do what you must to be the person you have to be. Divorce beats becoming an old errand boy for the Missus.


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## brussell (Jun 15, 2005)

I think context is key here. You're not donning the blazer for cleaning the bathroom or watching a little TV at the end of the day are you?


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## Bjorn (May 2, 2010)

Perhaps you're going into it a little too hard too fast. It can't seem costumey or contrived or she won't like it. 

On the other hand, you dress you, or it's a loose. Involve her, let her choose between ties. Let her read up on trad, send her a good link or article. Make her understand what about dressing trad appeals to you. That it is not attracting other women.


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## godan (Feb 10, 2010)

bd79cc said:


> So true, Orsini. So true!
> 
> Do what you must to be the person you have to be. Divorce beats becoming an old errand boy for the Missus.


Absolutely. It is not about Trad. It is about an attitude.


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## xcubbies (Jul 31, 2005)

A good tweed jacket will stand up better over time than a wife.


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## AlanC (Oct 28, 2003)

Mrs. AlanC says you need to take/send her shopping. The amount $500 was mentioned, but you get the idea.


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## hookem12387 (Dec 29, 2009)

I had no idea trad was such a contentious costume


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## eagle2250 (Mar 24, 2006)

AlanC said:


> Mrs. AlanC says you need to take/send her shopping. The amount $500 was mentioned, but you get the idea.


Very good advice and, LOL, $500 is way less than the cost of a divorce!


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## Saltydog (Nov 3, 2007)

Offer to trade and compromise. You'll slip back into the jeans and t-shirts on occasion if she will wear........well--whatever turns you on. Could make for some interesting evenings. Take her shopping at Victoria's Secret for a start.


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## ArtVandalay (Apr 29, 2010)

If a woman would rather you dress like a slob than your trad self, tell her there's an army of clowns out there in dirty t-shirts and ill-fitting jeans that she can be with, if that's what she's after.


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## Bermuda (Aug 16, 2009)

My wife also will proclaim "you're too dressed up." So, I only wear a tie/jacket to work some days (I'm a teacher). But if we're going to a nice restaurant or show I'll wear the same rig with just no tie, and she will just not wear jeans. If we're going to a family gathering I'll wear khakis/sweater or long sleeved polo shirt (not dress pants or dress shirt), but she'll usually wear jeans. She works in a hospital where they have to wear scrubs so she isn't really into dressing up all the time


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## eyedoc2180 (Nov 19, 2006)

eccentricruss said:


> My wife tends to be put-off by my recent adoption of trad as well. In the spirit of hardline 42's comments, she will really set-off when I am better dressed than her when we go out somewhere mundane, like grocery shopping or to the mall; she'd prefer me in jeans and a t-shirt and work boots, the standard uniform of North Central WV. Going out on date nights, she wants me dressed up, but again unless I wish to hear about her needing a wardrobe all night, I better let her win the "dress up" trophy for the night...


I am getting resistance at the introduction of blackwatch, madras, and Nantucket Reds. There will be a bed in the shed if any more GTH creeps in. Digging in for battle now......


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## Trad-ish (Feb 19, 2011)

I think Judge Smails from "Caddyshack" comes to peoples' minds.



hookem12387 said:


> I had no idea trad was such a contentious costume


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## Oldsarge (Feb 20, 2011)

Bermuda said:


> My wife also will proclaim "you're too dressed up." So, I only wear a tie/jacket to work some days (I'm a teacher). But if we're going to a nice restaurant or show I'll wear the same rig with just no tie, and she will just not wear jeans. If we're going to a family gathering I'll wear khakis/sweater or long sleeved polo shirt (not dress pants or dress shirt), but she'll usually wear jeans. She works in a hospital where they have to wear scrubs so she isn't really into dressing up all the time


Got the same problem here. She works in the hospital lab so she runs around in a T-shirt and ski pants under a lab coat. The if we want to go out, I'd get "but I don't feel like dressing up". After a couple of, "So don't, then!" and my still putting on a coat, turtleneck and slacks she shut up. I am now the family clothes horse and she rarely misses an opportunity to say so. But the hue and cry has died down and she has resigned herself to the fact that I dead out refuse to go anywhere in my gardening or woodshop clothes except to the garden or the shop.

At my age, _decorating_ the planet is no longer possible but that doesn't mean I have to desecrate it!


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## ArtVandalay (Apr 29, 2010)

I would think working a job where you don't get the opportunity to dress nicely would make you more, not less, inclined to want to dress up to go out in the evening.


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## Hardiw1 (May 17, 2011)

That is a war of attrition. Stick to your guns, she will eventually wear down and accept it as normal, as will everyone else that sees you on a consistent basis.


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## Saltydog (Nov 3, 2007)

Try wearing only a bow tie and argyle socks to bed. Soon she will associate the look with ecstasy...the whole Pavlov's dogs thing will ensue. I won't say what will happen when she sees you in madras boxers.


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## Flanderian (Apr 30, 2008)

Puritan said:


> So here's a question for you gentlemen. What do you do if your wife is not into the trad look? My wife would much rather prefer me in a t shirt and jeans than a blazer and khakis. She said I appear all "fancy/rich" when I dress trad. I'm frankly more comfortable dressing this way. Any thoughts or suggestions to try to win her over? She does love J. Crew which is somewhat of a start...
> 
> Her comment today that I looked fancy/rich was when I was wearing:
> 
> ...


She'll get used to it. Or she won't.

Did she know you before you were married? :icon_saint7kg:

However, I can empathize. On a day that I returned home before my wife early in our relationship, I had been wearing the normal khakis, decent sport shirt and penny loafers. Her reaction when I opened the door was, "You're all dressed up!" Mine, "I always dress like this!"

We're an odd couple, but each of us learned early on that our relationship far transcends dress, and the best way to make each other miserable is to try to suggest how the other should dress. And frankly, I have as little expertise at dressing women as they have in dressing me.


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## crs (Dec 30, 2004)

My wife sometimes wishes I would leave off the tweed jacket. I think she understands that there's no going back to the jeans, though. I just find them heavy and uncomfortable compared with khakis or corduroys.

There are two ways to look at whether I've "changed." I was, admittedly, dressed in jeans and a hoodie and snow boots the day I met my wife. However, for our first date, at a very nice restaurant in Midtown Manhattan, I wore an Oxxford navy suit, white shirt and Talbott striped tie and she had no complaint -- I met her outside her office building and she correctly assessed my attire -- and my punctuality -- as basic respect for her because she was wearing her work clothes (I had the day off). The tweed I wear now _is_ the middle ground.


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## Oldsarge (Feb 20, 2011)

Hardiw1 said:


> That is a war of attrition. Stick to your guns, she will eventually wear down and accept it as normal, as will everyone else that sees you on a consistent basis.


That's my approach. Stubborn always wins.


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## phyrpowr (Aug 30, 2009)

Main problem is one discussed before: women wear, and want their men to wear, what they are told is "the current look", or some idiot such. They get the slick magazines, watch "Runway" shows on the tube, do window shopping at the trendy shops, and what you want to wear isn't there, so you must be in error in dressing. Doesn't seem to help much to remind them that what they thought was "darling" last year is now in the Goodwill box.


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## DukeGrad (Dec 28, 2003)

Give her a 500 dollar gift certificate to Fredericks. You will not be troubled by this anymore!


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## andy b. (Mar 18, 2010)

^^ Victoria's Secret is more trad (and fits better according to my wife  ).

Andy B.


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## hookem12387 (Dec 29, 2009)

Me: *gifts $500 to victoria's secret*
Fiance: "get this cheap **** out of here."
Me: *sad*
This is how I would imagine that going down. C'est la vie


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## filfoster (Aug 23, 2011)

eagle2250 said:


> Stick with the program and wear her down!


This may work for clothes. Not so much for expensive or time consuming hobbies, from my experience.


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## challer (Sep 4, 2008)

Go read _No More Mr. Nice Guy_ and dress for yourself. Once you start dressing for her, it's all over for you. My girlfriend did the same thing. Now she dresses the way I prefer in order to keep up.


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## nolan50410 (Dec 5, 2006)

Dress in a way that makes you comfortable. If that means your wife takes issue with your clothes, then you have much bigger problems than your wardrobe.


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## WouldaShoulda (Aug 5, 2009)

ArtVandalay said:


> I would think working a job where you don't get the opportunity to dress nicely would make you more, not less, inclined to want to dress up to go out in the evening.


The term "defies logic" comes to mind...


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## Orgetorix (May 20, 2005)

See if you can find opportunities for compromise. Case in point: Last year I needed new glasses. I was interested in Anglo-American 406s, preferably in some shade of tortoiseshell. Mrs. O was not a fan - in her opinion, they looked dated and made me look old. I kept trying on different options, though, and we finally figured out that she could tolerate the 406 on me in crystal, as it is a lot more unobtrusive than the colored versions. So that's what I went with. Maybe in a few years when I need new frames again, she'll be used to the shape enough that I can add some color.

IME differences on style are like a lot of issues in marriage - they call for compromise. Your wife ends up giving more ground than she'd like, but not as much as you'd like. And vice versa.


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## hardline_42 (Jan 20, 2010)

challer said:


> Go read _No More Mr. Nice Guy_ and dress for yourself. Once you start dressing for her, it's all over for you. My girlfriend did the same thing. Now she dresses the way I prefer in order to keep up.





nolan50410 said:


> Dress in a way that makes you comfortable. If that means your wife takes issue with your clothes, then you have much bigger problems than your wardrobe.


I really hope this doesn't devolve into one of those if-you-pay-your-wife's-opinions-one-ounce-of-consideration-you're-not-a-man threads. If your wife makes all the compromises in your marriage, congratulations, you've got trad down to the tiniest details, including outdated mid-century social norms regarding women. Your wife might not be opposed to the way you dress, but that's no reason to insinuate that a man who pays attention to his wife's complaints has "bigger problems than his wardrobe."


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## nolan50410 (Dec 5, 2006)

The vast majority of the people I know who have what appear to be "happy" or "successful" marriages seem to keep the bit*hing and moaning to a minimum. My point is that if your wife nit-picks about your clothes (especially about them being too nice), I wouldn't want to know how she feels (or will one day feel) about the details of life that are infinitely more important than dressing "too nice".


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## hookem12387 (Dec 29, 2009)

This is quite simple, ask her if she really cares, as in is this really something that bothers her. If it is, ask why. Go from there. If it's a real issue, have a conversation, figure out why it could be a real issue, and then come to some resolution together. This seems no different than any other relationship problem (other than she's being a bit silly, IMO). Can't you foresee the promise in my upcoming marriage :icon_smile_big:


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## WouldaShoulda (Aug 5, 2009)

hookem12387 said:


> Can't you foresee the promise in my upcoming marriage :icon_smile_big:


I predict your enlightened and progressive attitude will last approx. 18 months.

That doesn't mean it won't work out however, trust me!!


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## hardline_42 (Jan 20, 2010)

hookem12387 said:


> If it's a real issue, have a conversation, figure out why it could be a real issue, and then come to some resolution together.


This is how two men would resolve a difference. Not so with the fairer sex.


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## SCsailor (Jul 2, 2008)

hardline_42 said:


> This is how two men would resolve a difference. Not so with the fairer sex.


very true indeed.


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## hookem12387 (Dec 29, 2009)

I do love this place, ha


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## upthewazzu (Nov 3, 2011)

hookem12387 said:


> This is quite simple, ask her if she really cares, as in is this really something that bothers her. If it is, ask why. Go from there. If it's a real issue, have a conversation, figure out why it could be a real issue, and then come to some resolution together. This seems no different than any other relationship problem (other than she's being a bit silly, IMO). Can't you foresee the promise in my upcoming marriage :icon_smile_big:


I actually had this conversation with my wife. She voiced her concern that I was trying to attract other ladies which is exactly what I knew she was going to say. I assured her that was not the case as I work with mostly middle aged women who are well over my desired weight limit and men. That was mostly good enough for her, but I can still sense a bit of strain when I throw on khakis, OCBD, and sweater for a night out at Pizza Hut. Being 29 and yet the best dressed person at church has taken some getting used to.


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## mhj (Oct 27, 2010)

My wife hated the tortoise shell AA406s and said she would break them if I came home with them. Finally she told me to take my daughter, who has very good taste, glasses shopping with me and she approved them so I bought the 406s. My wife still says she doesn't like them but has broken yet them a year later. I get tons of compliments from other people.



Orgetorix said:


> See if you can find opportunities for compromise. Case in point: Last year I needed new glasses. I was interested in Anglo-American 406s, preferably in some shade of tortoiseshell. Mrs. O was not a fan - in her opinion, they looked dated and made me look old. I kept trying on different options, though, and we finally figured out that she could tolerate the 406 on me in crystal, as it is a lot more unobtrusive than the colored versions. So that's what I went with. Maybe in a few years when I need new frames again, she'll be used to the shape enough that I can add some color.
> 
> IME differences on style are like a lot of issues in marriage - they call for compromise. Your wife ends up giving more ground than she'd like, but not as much as you'd like. And vice versa.


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## Jovan (Mar 7, 2006)

hookem12387 said:


> Me: *gifts $500 to victoria's secret*
> Fiance: "get this cheap **** out of here."
> Me: *sad*
> This is how I would imagine that going down. C'est la vie


Also, Victoria's Secret uses a form of vanity sizing. If you're normally an A, you'd get a B there. As if we really need any more confusion with women's clothing sizes!

https://www.cracked.com/blog/the-7-most-baffling-things-about-womens-clothes/



hookem12387 said:


> This is quite simple, ask her if she really cares, as in is this really something that bothers her. If it is, ask why. Go from there. If it's a real issue, have a conversation, figure out why it could be a real issue, and then come to some resolution together. This seems no different than any other relationship problem (other than she's being a bit silly, IMO). Can't you foresee the promise in my upcoming marriage :icon_smile_big:





WouldaShoulda said:


> I predict your enlightened and progressive attitude will last approx. 18 months.
> 
> That doesn't mean it won't work out however, trust me!!


As charming as usual, WS.


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## eyedoc2180 (Nov 19, 2006)

Saltydog said:


> Try wearing only a bow tie and argyle socks to bed. Soon she will associate the look with ecstasy...the whole Pavlov's dogs thing will ensue. I won't say what will happen when she sees you in madras boxers.


Forgetting the tie for a second, "ecstasy" would not be the first thought that comes to a lady's mind when seeing a guy in socks-only. OK, solid knee-high merinos, maybe........
:confused2:


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## Beefeater (Jun 2, 2007)

I remember sneaking a copy of _Take Ivy_ onto the other coffee table books with titles such as _Bringing Paris Home_ and _Country French Living. _The wife never said one word and I noticed in two days it was on the fireplace mantle next to Alan Sillitoe. Not a word said between us. I still chuckle about that one.

I remember when I made a hard turn to trad and, really, there were some things she liked, such as pocket squares and tie bars, and some things that took some getting used to such as seersucker and Nantucket reds. But all in all, she has accepted and likes that I usually stand out when we go out, even in the most causal circumstances (blucher mocs/khakis/polo knit) to more formal events (sack suit or blazer/tie/bow tie/OCBD).

In short, it does take time for some but it is time well-spent.


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## hookem12387 (Dec 29, 2009)

I guess I should mention that my situation was rather easy. My fiancé knows how much I'm into clothing as a hobby, so she doesn't raise an eyebrow when dress comes up with me


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## Thom Browne's Schooldays (Jul 29, 2007)

Jovan said:


> Also, Victoria's Secret uses a form of vanity sizing. If you're normally an A, you'd get a B there. As if we really need any more confusion with women's clothing sizes!


As a former bra inspector this kinda disregard for industry standards really sets me off.


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## P Hudson (Jul 19, 2008)

Puritan said:


> Her comment today that I looked fancy/rich was when I was wearing:
> 
> J. Crew light blue check OCBD
> J. Crew merino wool vneck
> ...


But that DOES look rich.

The trick is, imo, to be relaxed in what you wear. My four kids still think I looked "dressed up", but know that I'm comfortable in what I wear, and that I find khakis a lot more comfortable than jeans. My wife of 27 years doesn't really like trad stuff, and hates all the wool jackets, vests and sweaters that I wear, but we don't interact all that much over clothes because family and work life is too complicated to let the more frivolous things take over. It's all part of enjoying the ride.


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## challer (Sep 4, 2008)

Of course not. Truly trying to answer your question. Dress (and live) for yourself generally. And it will help immensely on the home front. Women are (generally?) attracted to men who have a path and stick to it. The appeal of the bad boy is not the guitar or the motorcycle - it's much more that they have a path a follow it.


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## WouldaShoulda (Aug 5, 2009)

Jovan said:


> As charming as usual, WS.


I appear to be in good company!!



hardline_42 said:


> This is how two men would resolve a difference. Not so with the fairer sex.





SCsailor said:


> very true indeed.


This is what the mature happily married man knows;

She used to think I was attractive, funny and charming.

Years go by...

"Are you gonna sit there all day and drink beer??"

"Just while the game is on"

"So you are going to sit there and watch TV all day?"

"Not all day"

"You don't do anything around the house"

"I'll cut the grass, just as soon as the game is over"

"You never spend any time with me"

"Watch the game with me, just don't talk until a commercial comes on. If the commercial has a monkey in it, don't talk until a commercial without a monkey comes on!!"

"You don't love me"

"Not while the game is on"

"You are getting fat"

"You look stunning, Sweetie"

"You don't spend enough time with the kids"

This goes on for a few hours and then one realizes; I'm going to catch heck no matter what I do, so guess what?? I'm going to do whatever I want!!

It doesn't mean there is no love, it's just "different."


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## Uncle Bill (May 4, 2010)

*Here's what you do*

Ok, your wife not into the trad/preppy look. Here's what you do and do it slowly.

Keep the jeans for now but get nicer pairs, slim straight fit in a dark rinse. Get rid of the T-shirt and go with Fred Perry or Lacoste (if you want more obscure Boast) polo shirts in different colours if it's mild out or an OCBD THAT fits well for you and shetland sweaters when it gets cold. Finally finish with a nice pair of Sperrys if it's Summer, long wings, penny loafers and or Red Wing chukka boots the rest of the year.

Over time you can switch out the jeans for Bill's Khakis. Whatever you do, make it a slow transition.


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## Thom Browne's Schooldays (Jul 29, 2007)

I must say that I find this whole thread kinda creepy, like someone's going to suggest amyl nitrate soon.


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## tinytim (Jun 13, 2008)

Jovan said:


> I'm surprised to hear this


I'm not. I'll bet she's under 30 and a product of the public school system. I've got 2 kids. One goes to the public high school, and we're in a very nice suburb, the other graduated from a very exclusive prep school. What these kids are used to dressing in is like night and day. That fancy rich guy mentality she mentioned is probably permanently ingrained in her. The best solution is find a new wife. Just kidding. I'd say ease into your style like mentioned on the first page. Good luck


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## jwooten (Dec 19, 2010)

Thom Browne's Schooldays said:


> I must say that I find this whole thread kinda creepy, like someone's going to suggest amyl nitrate soon.


Not nearly as creepy as the Trad Girlfriend thread. And I believe you mean nitrite.


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## WouldaShoulda (Aug 5, 2009)

Amyl nitrite isn't Trad.

NO2 is!!


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## Orsini (Apr 24, 2007)

DukeGrad said:


> Give her a 500 dollar gift certificate to Fredericks. You will not be troubled by this anymore!


Agreed. The Queen should have an appropriate wardrobe.


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## unmodern (Aug 10, 2009)

My girlfriend of 3 years was surprised when I started dressing trad. Probably just because it was sudden. Also she went to a prep school (I did not), so sometimes she thinks I am 'preppy.' The difference between preppy and trad is lost on her. But now that it's been a while, she doesn't balk at seeing me in a tweed jacket and jeans. It's all about being gradual, and dressing for the occasion. I have also noticed that she really does not want me to outdress her in public.


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## Puritan (Feb 3, 2012)

Gents,

Appreciate all the helpful input. Glad to know i'm in good company. I think I possibly sprung the trad look to quickly upon my love. To me she's of more value than a nice wardrobe, but I think a slower transition to my newfound appreciation of trad apparel will do just the trick - along with some splurge shopping trips for my "queen" as it was noted.


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## dparm (Nov 18, 2008)

Jovan said:


> I'm surprised to hear this. Most women I talk to wish men would look a little nicer than jeans and a t-shirt at least once in a while.


This. Problem is that women are sometimes intimidated by men who dress better than them. I take a lot of crap from people for always looking presentable.


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## hardline_42 (Jan 20, 2010)

^^The average single woman in her 20's and 30's doesn't REALLY want a guy who dresses better any more than they REALLY want a guy who is in touch with his feelings. What she wants is a guy who most closely approximates the standard set by society for men, with a very narrow tolerance for deviation. This tolerance will grow as time and maturity allow. Your job is to ride that ragged edge for decades until you're cleared to wear a bowtie, madras pants and white bucks to your 12 year old grandkid's birthday party. Most people will chalk it up to senility by that time, but you'll know you've earned it through hard work and perseverance. :tongue2:


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## Oldsarge (Feb 20, 2011)

hardline_42 said:


> ^^The average single woman in her 20's and 30's doesn't REALLY want a guy who dresses better any more than they REALLY want a guy who is in touch with his feelings. What she wants is a guy who most closely approximates the standard set by society for men, with a very narrow tolerance for deviation. This tolerance will grow as time and maturity allow. Your job is to ride that ragged edge for decades until you're cleared to wear a bowtie, madras pants and white bucks to your 12 year old grandkid's birthday party. Most people will chalk it up to senility by that time, but you'll know you've earned it through hard work and perseverance. :tongue2:


Good analysis. The average single woman in her 20's and early 30's is still too influenced by all her girlfriends' most recent discoveries in the Lifestyle section of the paper, what Oprah says, blogs by other women in their 20's and 30's that repeats what they read . . .

And the average man of the same period isn't much different in the sources of his viewpoints. After thirty, more or less, the human brain is fully grown and matured. That's when independent thought becomes more possible.


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## nolan50410 (Dec 5, 2006)

I guess I'm lucky. My wife shops at Rugby and Brooks Brothers. I can literally wear whatever I want.

What part of the country you live in plays a large part. In the South, a person of upper middle class or higher status will likely have a "preppy" wardrobe. Generally speaking, the richer the person, the preppier the wardrobe.


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## dparm (Nov 18, 2008)

Well said. It does pain me (as a well-dressed single guy in his mid-20s) when I see a beautiful woman with some schlub who has scuffed up shoes, a belt that's the wrong color, and a wrinkled dress shirt that doesn't fit him. Yes I understand the whole inner-beauty thing, but sometimes I wonder if women just accept (expect?) that men are clueless on how to dress themselves.

Though honestly I don't dress well for the sole purpose to impress women, I do it because I enjoy wearing nice clothes and looking my best at all times...even when it's just to run errands or whatever. Most of my friends will not tuck their shirt in unless they're going somewhere fancy and there will be women present.

I think the trad thing is seen as old-fashioned by women in their 20s and 30s. Even my mother, who is very fashion-conscious and passing for a woman at least 15 years younger, doesn't fully understand why I like it. I got a weird look when I showed her a scarf from Paul Stuart that I wanted for Christmas, for example.

But I digress.


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## Hayek (Jun 20, 2006)

nolan50410 said:


> I guess I'm lucky. My wife shops at Rugby and Brooks Brothers. I can literally wear whatever I want.
> 
> What part of the country you live in plays a large part. In the South, a person of upper middle class or higher status will likely have a "preppy" wardrobe. Generally speaking, the richer the person, the preppier the wardrobe.


In the northeast, too, the basic trad wardrobe isn't out of place, depending on time of year and far far you go with it. But wearing pastel or seersucker shorts with a polo shirt and topsiders wouldn't cause anyone to so much as bat an eye in NYC/DC/Boston.


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## Hayek (Jun 20, 2006)

My girlfriend bought me a J. Press bowtie with little foxes on it (I've never worn a bow tie before) and a J. Press "fisherman's hat" or whatever they call it for my bday. This thread is making me think she's a real keeper.


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## dparm (Nov 18, 2008)

Hayek said:


> My girlfriend bought me a J. Press bowtie with little foxes on it (I've never worn a bow tie before) and a J. Press "fisherman's hat" or whatever they call it for my bday. This thread is making me think she's a real keeper.


I don't know a single woman that knows what J. Press is. Heck, when a girl-friend (not girlfriend) asked where my tie was from recently and I said Brooks Brothers, she made fun of me and asked when I was going back to Harvard!


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## crs (Dec 30, 2004)

I just realized that the tie I am wearing today predates my relationship with my wife by seven or eight years. It's a striped Ferrell Reed for Nordstrom, purchased during my first major wardrobe upgrade of 1986-87.


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## Sartre (Mar 25, 2008)

I think that dressing oneself is for many people an important part of selfhood, and the idea that this would be open to "criticism" by a husband or wife is not palatable. Some people get married too young. They will find that there are more important things requiring compromise than clothing.


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## hardline_42 (Jan 20, 2010)

Sartre said:


> I think that dressing oneself is for many people an important part of selfhood, and the idea that this would be open to "criticism" by a husband or wife is not palatable. *Some people get married too young*. They will find that there are more important things requiring compromise than clothing.


I bet the average age at which people get married today is far older than it was a few decades ago. Seems like the problem is that some people put off maturity for far too long.


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## dparm (Nov 18, 2008)

I will second the notion of people marrying too young. I'm only 27 and already know two couples that have gotten married and divorced.


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## nolan50410 (Dec 5, 2006)

hardline_42 said:


> I bet the average age at which people get married today is far older than it was a few decades ago. Seems like the problem is that some people put off maturity for far too long.


I just think you married a gal who hates your clothes. Don't take it out on us.


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## Jovan (Mar 7, 2006)

I was already getting into the trad thing before I met my girlfriend of three years. She occasionally thinks I'm overdressed even if I'm just wearing chinos and an OCBD... apart from that, no major complaints.


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## hardline_42 (Jan 20, 2010)

nolan50410 said:


> I just think you married a gal who hates your clothes. Don't take it out on us.


I have to take it out on somebody, and my dogs don't seem to care.


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## Oldsarge (Feb 20, 2011)

Snerk!

If out-dressing you wife is the biggest area of discontent in your relationship, relax. You could be fighting about things that really matter!


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## AdamsSutherland (Jan 22, 2008)

#DressedByTheInternet problems.


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## eccentricruss (Jan 25, 2012)

Oldsarge said:


> If out-dressing you wife is the biggest area of discontent in your relationship, relax. You could be fighting about things that really matter!


Yeah, like the bills for some of the clothes we buy (excepting thrift store finds)!

Although that does bring up another aspect of trad acquisitions, my wife thinks I'm nuts for buying clothes from thrift stores. Her idea of thrift is buying clothes at the mall during the myriad of sales or buying three times as much as needed when she shops at an Outlet Megaplex.


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## WouldaShoulda (Aug 5, 2009)

hardline_42 said:


> ^^The average single woman in her 20's and 30's doesn't REALLY want a guy who dresses better any more than they REALLY want a guy who is in touch with his feelings.


Isn't that a 90s thing??


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## Canadian (Jan 17, 2008)

I tend to dress up more for work and political events than I do for family stuff. At home, I'm comfortable in a khaki shirt, ascot and slacks. At work, it's tie, jacket and proper overcoat. And for formal, I go all out. My girlfriends like me to be dressed up when we go out.

However, even for something as special as Christmas morning with the niece and nephew, my nephew tends to outdress me, even if it's wearing the blue blazer I bought him. He (much to his mother's chagrin) insisted we take pictures together of him in navy and me in a shabby shawl-collared cardigan. 

Tom


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## M Go Crimson (Aug 20, 2011)

AdamsSutherland said:


> #DressedByTheInternet problems.


I got a good laugh out of this.

@hardline_42 I'm 24 and know dozens of couples who got married at my age and younger. Many right after finishing undergrad. I, personally, don't understand the rush at all.


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## Oldsarge (Feb 20, 2011)

We didn't wait that long. I got married four days after my 21st birthday. Why? We were tired of being single. I suppose now we would have just moved in together, 'cause that was a long time ago, but forty-something years later I don't regret it one bit.


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## SCsailor (Jul 2, 2008)

AdamsSutherland said:


> #DressedByTheInternet problems.


sorry, but what does this mean? thanks


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## Kreiger (Nov 6, 2011)

SCsailor said:


> sorry, but what does this mean? thanks


I believe it is a reference to the social networking site 'twitter.' On this site, "tweets," the messages posted by users, are categorized in this format. A tweet about Ask Andy might be tagged, for example, #AskAndy. Also, there is a genre of internet humor "First World Problems." A first world problem is something that bothers you or I, but is insignificant considering we have food, clean water, stable government, etc. That I burn my hand a little on a starbuck's latte is a first world problem, as is the fact that tropical worsteds tend to get pretty wrinkled and are not, therefore, the most suitable cloth in most cases. The latter statement, of course, is also a 'dressed by the internet' problem.


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## chilton (Jul 16, 2008)

It may also be making the connection that most people having this issue adopted the style later in life and have been influenced by this site/the Internet.


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## Bernie Zack (Feb 10, 2010)

WouldaShoulda said:


> Isn't that a 90s thing??


I think it is a 90's thing! Ha!

Every woman longs for a man like Humphrey Bogart, whether they say so or not. I'm convinced of it.


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## LonelyAreTheBrave (Dec 2, 2006)

*Ferrell Reed*



crs said:


> I just realized that the tie I am wearing today predates my relationship with my wife by seven or eight years. It's a striped Ferrell Reed for Nordstrom, purchased during my first major wardrobe upgrade of 1986-87.


What ever happened to Ferrell Reed ties? I remember back in the 80's where they were fairly common at the traditional shops.


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## Uncle Bill (May 4, 2010)

I'm single so I don't have this problem. Chances are my next girlfriend will have the same classic style I have.


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## WouldaShoulda (Aug 5, 2009)

Bernie Zack said:


> Every woman longs for a man like Humphrey Bogart, whether they say so or not. I'm convinced of it.


Even if we are wrong and it isn't so, I'd want nothing to do with them!!


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## Youthful Repp-robate (Sep 26, 2011)

Bernie Zack said:


> I think it is a 90's thing! Ha!
> 
> Every woman longs for a man like Humphrey Bogart, whether they say so or not. I'm convinced of it.


I'm three inches too tall... Should I slouch?


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## DukeGrad (Dec 28, 2003)

This thing still going on?

If the 500 dollar gift certificate to Fredericks did not work, then my dear friend.
DIVORCE, get yourself a young, lawyer wife, say 25ish.
Like my 2/3 and 4th wife
And drive on!

Nice day my friend


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## Z.J.P (Jun 29, 2010)

I slowly converted my fiance as so...

1.) I bought her a navy blazer. Not a trad blazer by any means, but it's a start. Now she wears hers more than I wear mine. 
2.) When visiting D.C., I took her with me to J. Press. Chris charmed her for a while, and I got to look through the goods. By the end of the visit she was trying to find the smallest green Shaggy Dog they had. Unfortunately, even the small was much too large for her. 

Now we are both on the search for Barbour Beauforts. Trad embrace, complete.

The only corner I have painted myself into is when I need to replenish my OCBD collection. She always says "I thought you said they would last forever!" 

You have to take the sour with the sweet.

-Zach


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## C. Sharp (Dec 18, 2008)

Bought out 2001. https://www.allbusiness.com/north-america/united-states-california-metro-areas/800693-1.html



LonelyAreTheBrave said:


> What ever happened to Ferrell Reed ties? I remember back in the 80's where they were fairly common at the traditional shops.


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## WouldaShoulda (Aug 5, 2009)

Youthful Repp-robate said:


> I'm three inches too tall... Should I slouch?


Yes.

If that doesn't work, find a hole to stand in.


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## DukeGrad (Dec 28, 2003)

My friend

Big mistake you should have divorced her at PAGE 1 of this!!!

Nice day


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## caravan70 (Mar 18, 2010)

My girlfriend has her own hobby: cosmetics. So every time she complains that I've brought home yet another tweed sport coat, I point to the latest Kiehl's order that went on a credit card. She can have her thing; I can have mine.

I know this has been discussed interminably elsewhere, but I don't view "trad" as a look; I think it's an attitude. It's a respect for tradition that's manifested in keeping a basic set of clothing in good condition, mending it when necessary, and not succumbing to the Internet-generation tendency to buy something new in the interests of "fashion" every time the winds blow. I like buying new things, but I also cull things from my wardrobe when they don't quite work. My girlfriend, I think, respected this philosophy once I explained it to her.

Best of luck - I think you'll be fine as long as each of you understands that you have particular hobbies/desires that need to be respected.


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## Youthful Repp-robate (Sep 26, 2011)

WouldaShoulda said:


> Yes.
> 
> If that doesn't work, find a hole to stand in.


Great advice. If I dig it deep enough, can I be the Prince of Wales?


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