# Not drinking



## bbcrock

For a variety of reasons I stopped drinking a few years back. Two of my college friends became terrible alcoholics and lost multiple jobs- and that's just one reason. Even before then I drove everyone everywhere so I rarely if ever drank outside my house. Many years later I don't really want to go there at all.

I find that every few months I run into a client who wants to go out and have a drink or I'm at a bar at a conference where this becomes an issue. 
9 times out of 10 a coke or tonic water or something that could pass for a cocktail is fine, but with some regularity now, every few months there's one or two people who will challenge me on that with an "everyone's having a drink here" or "you're staying in this hotel, you aren't driving." I understand that usually the person saying this has some psychological issue related to drinking that is triggered by someone not drinking. Of course I have no problem going to bars, but I really don't want to drink. It's to the point that if the people I'm with appear like they're too boisterous I will pick up that coke at the bar before walking over to their table so they don't question my order.

My concern is trying to appear as enough of a "regular guy" to make lasting business contacts. Anyone have pat answers to these kinds of comments?


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## Spence

Sure, just ignore them. Or get a tonic and lime and slur a word every so often 

Besides, many executives I'm with or have seen rarely drink in public. There's nothing wrong with wanting to ensure control.

-spence


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## dport86

I can only tell you that out here, in Los Angeles in the entertainment industry, things have changed dramatically over the last 5 years. It is now extremely rare to see an executive drinking on a business meeting even if people are meeting "for drinks." At the big parties, people may have one drink, but unless they are movie stars with drivers, nobody is getting buzzed. At the Golden Globes this year, there were many stars drinking but only one person (an executive) did I see drunk. He was treated as a pariah, spoken to by his boss (at the party) and royally ashamed the next day. Granted people have to drive here, and movie people are under the microscope, but I too remember when not drinking raised more than a few questions and challenges. That has changed completely here and may do so where you lie as well.


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## smujd

As others have noted, public perception and pressure to drink have changed dramtically over the past ~10 years.

Tonic is generally a good stand in for booze and will fool most people.

In terms of excuses, the list is endless.

If you work out, you can simply note that drinking interferes with your training. Or with your steroids.

Maybe you just want to be fresh for when the call girls arrive?

Maybe a couple of drinks makes it tough for you to sleep well (after all, that's why you have the call girls) and you need to be ready for the big presentation/golf tournament/etc tomorrow?

Maybe you're trying a "clense" (downside is you'll have to skip coffee to sell this one).

Maybe you just note that after watching two friends destroyed by booze, you don't drink?


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## pweller

I don't drink either, and I simply tell people that "I decided it is not a healthy habit for me". I never had any problems, but really it lost it's appeal as soon as I got out of the house and went off to college (backwards, I know).

Reminds me of a funny story. I was dating a girl and we went to a bar. She had a beer, I had nothing as we weren't going to be there for long anyway. She made some comment that it felt weird to be drinking alone, and I said 'You're not alone, I'm right here baby!' :icon_smile:


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## Mr. H

This is a really slippery issue in the business context. Play the issue one way and you may give an incorrect signal that you're a recovering alcoholic or an admittedly sloppy drunk. Play it the other way and you run the risk of coming off like a prude or like a judgmental jerk. Difficult straits to navigate indeed. 

I do enjoy a good cocktail or glass of wine at home or in a purely social situation, however I tend to avoid liquor in business situations, even when those are predominately social events. Notwithstanding carrying around about 200 lbs on my frame, I am a bit of a lightweight when it comes to booze. After a cocktail or a glass of wine I can certainly start to feel some effects. It's just enough to take me off my "A" game and I never want to put myself in a situation where I'm anything less than 100% when interacting with business contacts. Accordingly, I tend to go with sparkling water and lime or a club soda with a splash of Rose's Lime Juice. On those few occasions where I've been questioned about my choice I will generally say something along the lines of "you know, I like a nice cocktail every now and again but tonight I think I'm going to stick with the soft stuff." I have yet to get any pushback from that remark. You are communicating your preference not to consume alcohol without making a statement about your inquisitor's choice and you also dispose of any notion that your choice not to drink is borne of any condition other than a choice not to drink at that time.


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## Crownship

bbcrock said:


> For a variety of reasons I stopped drinking a few years back. Two of my college friends became terrible alcoholics and lost multiple jobs- and that's just one reason. Even before then I drove everyone everywhere so I rarely if ever drank outside my house.
> 
> My concern is trying to appear as enough of a "regular guy" to make lasting business contacts. Anyone have pat answers to these kinds of comments?


There were a handful of times in my life I drank between 16-18. Decades ago.
Those fazes lasted 3-4 months each. I didn't drink before 16 and 18 was the last time.
Before I was the legal drinking age I was done. It was old quickly. I new how to have fun and socialize before I touched alcohol and I knew how to have fun and socialize after I quit at 18.
I was the good guy with my head on straight. The one who also drove drunk friends around.

At 21 I was done babysitting and ditched my old friends.
For many years through my teens I was known as the one who didn't drink.
I guess I was confident enough that I didn't have to be the regular guy.
To me the regular guy had no self control, average, always needing to fit in and compromised his values or lack of for the sake to fit in.

When asked in the past why I didn't drink I said I wasn't interested or cited religious reasons. Both were true.
It's been many years since I've been asked. But the answer would be the same.

If you have to carry something around in social gatherings that looks like alcohol so others think you're a drinker you already are a regular guy. 
Your trying to fit in, to appear normal because your aren't sure others will like your ability to say no.
You're trying to please the wrong people. If they make you feel uncomfortable because they can't accept your choice that's something you'll have to continue to face.
Or you can mentally grow up and have the attitude that
_"this is my decision to not drink.
I'm not here to please you by appearing that I'm trying to imitate you.
If you don't like my decision that's your problem not mine." _

Most aldults can handle your decision. 
If my partying friends from highschool could handle my decision to say no 
I'm pretty sure you'll find most adults will too. Especially in a business environment.
Just my 2 cents.

Let me add, my wife never drink when she went to business dinners.
She stopped drinking at 21 or 22.
She was asked why she didn't drink. Same reason as mine.
I mention that because she was very successful in the corporate world. And is very well known around the country in the industry she was in.
She also made lasting business contacts that helped her when she started her consulting business which is also very successful.

People respect people that stand on their principles and stick to their values.
If you say one thing and do another or appear to do another you seem wishy washy. 
Again my 2 cents.


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## Joe Frances

Response: Sorry I'm on medication, can't right now.


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## mrkleen

The ONLY way I am able to tolerate a business meeting after hours is by having a few drinks in me. Otherwise, most executives I deal with are utterly unbearable.

My mentor in the business world would have never given me the time of day if I didn't prove myself as a worthy drinking buddy, and many of my most advantageous and long term relationships have been cemented over nights of drinking and smoking cigars.

But to each his own I suppose.


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## rlp271

I can see how you can get away with not drinking in America. We don't think less of people really for giving up their vices. In fact, that same guy that gives you crap for not drinking, may secretly want to give it up. Who knows?

In Asia though, you wouldn't ever make it as a businessman. If you have Asian clients, it makes it much harder to get a deal done if you don't drink at all. They are so staunch in the boardroom, that most deals don't happen there. They get friendly after a few months, and the deal will happen when they want you to go out for dinner, lots of drinking, and probably karaoke. Strange, but I've found that this is how Asian guys seem to do business. Korean and Japanese in particular.

I guess it all depends on who you do business with and where.


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## Cary Grant

Joe Frances said:


> Response: Sorry I'm on medication, can't right now.


No need to lie. Just say "no thanks" "I don't drink" whatever...


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## Dhaller

Joe Frances said:


> Response: Sorry I'm on medication, can't right now.


And have the client wonder how much longer you'll be alive? Not a good plan. I'd be much more worried about putting my trust in someone medicated than in the hands of a teetotaler 

Maybe this is very American of me, but just the straight-forward "I'll have a club soda" to the waiter is fine - I mean, why even explain that you don't drink? If for some reason the client mentions it, then "I don't drink" should suffice in concluding that conversation so that business can commence.

DH


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## chava

*drinking*

I understand. Your financial condition may rely on the associations you make and keep in your business environment. Right or wrong, you do not want to put off someone who contributes to your financial condition. There is no perfect key that fits all doors in this scenario. I think the best approach is to try and blend in with a drink you like (non-alcohol), whether its coffee, tea, club soda, coke, whatever... and just remain a polite gentleman. If asked, politely indicate it is your drink of choice. Most will respect you, and get on with the conversation. Personally, I like a drink now and then, but I respect those who don't, as long as they respect those who do. Good luck gents!


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## chava

*drinking*

After reading some of the other comments, I will have to agree that it does depend on who you are dealing with. There lies the dilemma. You can only be yourself; Being someone else won't last long, and it isn't much of a way to live. I will have to agree, that Asians prefer a drinking environment to do business. Again, good luck.


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## iclypso

I think that "I'm not in the mood to drink tonight" is perfectly acceptable.


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## clee1982

Agree, but my father pulled it off, he sticks to his principal, people do eventually respect that.

P.S. I am from Taiwan, and drinking after work culture, thought not as servere as Japan, is definitel there.



rlp271 said:


> I can see how you can get away with not drinking in America. We don't think less of people really for giving up their vices. In fact, that same guy that gives you crap for not drinking, may secretly want to give it up. Who knows?
> 
> In Asia though, you wouldn't ever make it as a businessman. If you have Asian clients, it makes it much harder to get a deal done if you don't drink at all. They are so staunch in the boardroom, that most deals don't happen there. They get friendly after a few months, and the deal will happen when they want you to go out for dinner, lots of drinking, and probably karaoke. Strange, but I've found that this is how Asian guys seem to do business. Korean and Japanese in particular.
> 
> I guess it all depends on who you do business with and where.


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## Jovan

Don't try to fool them with another drink. Just tell them you stopped drinking. You can even tell a white lie that you're a recovered alcoholic. That definitely stops the whining when my mother says it (in her case, it is true).


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## resilient

i hear that the only polite way to turn down a drink offer made by someone in russia is to claim you're on antibiotics. if it works on a russian, it probably works on most other people. haha.


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## rlp271

resilient said:


> i hear that the only polite way to turn down a drink offer made by someone in russia is to claim you're on antibiotics. if it works on a russian, it probably works on most other people. haha.


That may be true, but I think a Korean person would be apt to ask you what medication you're taking haha.


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## Quay

bbcrock said:


> For a variety of reasons I stopped drinking a few years back. Two of my college friends became terrible alcoholics and lost multiple jobs- and that's just one reason. Even before then I drove everyone everywhere so I rarely if ever drank outside my house. Many years later I don't really want to go there at all.
> 
> I find that every few months I run into a client who wants to go out and have a drink or I'm at a bar at a conference where this becomes an issue.
> 9 times out of 10 a coke or tonic water or something that could pass for a cocktail is fine, but with some regularity now, every few months there's one or two people who will challenge me on that with an "everyone's having a drink here" or "you're staying in this hotel, you aren't driving." I understand that usually the person saying this has some psychological issue related to drinking that is triggered by someone not drinking. Of course I have no problem going to bars, but I really don't want to drink. It's to the point that if the people I'm with appear like they're too boisterous I will pick up that coke at the bar before walking over to their table so they don't question my order.
> 
> My concern is trying to appear as enough of a "regular guy" to make lasting business contacts. Anyone have pat answers to these kinds of comments?


Sounds like you're already doing a great job! If in 9 out of 10 times (that's an A- I think) no one is having a problem with what you're not doing then that's really good. The simple reply "I don't drink" should be quite enough in this day and age (it certainly is in California, as another poster has noted.) For that pesky 10% there seem to be a lot of good suggestions so far. I can add a few answers added by non-drinkers when the "I don't drink" isn't deemed sufficient by the terminally rude. I've heard these or variations and they seemed to go over fine.

"I'm Mormon/Muslim/Baptist/Quaker/Jain/etc...."
"I'm watching my weight." (All those calories in alcohol.)
"I have to be up early in the morning."
"If my wife/husband smells liquor on my breath I won't get any tonight."
"I hate waking up in unfriendly parallel universes -- you know the ones where everything looks the same except there is this stranger next to you in bed?"
"I signed an organ donor card and I have to keep my liver pristine."
"My husband/wife does enough for both of us."
"I promised my dying father/mother/grandmother/grandfather I'd never take a drink and for x years I've kept that vow."

And my recent favorite:

"Someone gave me a Blue Raspberry-Cherry Sour Apple Wheatgrass Martini and I got so sick I've not been able to touch the stuff since."


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## Clovis

*Compari and Soda*

Order Compari and soda. It is much too bitter too drink very fast and has only a small amount of alchohol. It is an excellent social drink that wont adversely effect you.


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## CPVS

For a few months in the year, there's always the old reliable "No thanks, I'm not drinking during Lent." Of course, one can substitute other periods of religious observance as desired.


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## dthommo

Telling people that you're driving works in these parts. Don't know about the States, but drink-driving laws are quite strict down here, the legal limit is .05, enough for 2 beers. For the first 3 years of having a licence (typlically between the ages of 18-21 here) you must blow zero. As well as being fined heavily, there is a mandatory loss of licence, usually around 12-18 months depending on what level you blew. The cops also make a point of setting up breath testing roadblocks on the freeways leading out of the city at night as well... Most people here know someone who lost their licence because they literrally had that one drink too many. If i'm out & driving, I'll usually stick 1-2 light beers only.


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## McPatrickClan

Having grown up in a family of fairly regular (heavy) drinkers and even those that attended AA, I can say that while you may feel strange about it, others shouldn't. If they do feel strange, then it is their problem. You are well within your rights to make your own choices and let them figure out their own.


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## zzdocxx

Joe Frances said:


> Response: Sorry I'm on medication, can't right now.


Good one, or "I'm allergic", that's what the AA people say sometimes. But then again, I know a lot of Asian people that say it and mean it, ie. they turn really red and flushed when they have alcohol.


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## Howard

I'm not a heavy drinker at all but occasionally I would get a rum coke.


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## Earl of Ormonde

Howard said:


> I would get a rum coke.


I got a very rum coke once, it was totally flat so I took it back  
I got a rum Guinness a few months ago, tasted well sour, took that back to the bar too.


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## Kingstonian

A rock shandy is a nice long drink that looks like beer

Half a pint of lemonade plus half a pint of soda water and a few drops of angostura bitters stirred in to give the right colour.

There is a similar drink called a Gunner using ginger beer. No ice or lemon of you want it to look like a beer.


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## Canadian

I don't drink either (Friend of Bill and Bobs) but whenever I am asked if I want a drink, I generally say, "I don't drink when I'm working". Otherwise, when socializing with friends, they know I don't drink. Nobody around here is going to push a drink on me. And if they force the issue, I say, "I don't drink for medical reasons". Alcoholism is a medical condition. 

Tom


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## Bandit44

Since the OP is three years old, I hope the guy solved his dilemma.

I only drink beer and often find myself in situations where only wine is served. It doesn't bother me to be the only rube at a party.:icon_smile_big:


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## drlivingston

I don't drink. I don't smoke. I don't drink caffeine. Sure there have been more than a few awkward moments at family gatherings and office functions. I don't lie about my distaste for alcohol. Also, I do not make disparaging remarks about people who choose to imbibe. To each their own. People are often more perceptive than you give them credit for. It is best to just be honest.


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## Starting Late

I am a recovering alcoholic and do not drink.

I do not avoid occasions where people drink and do not impose my views on them. Nor do I publicize the fact that I had a drinking problem. I simply say, "I'm not drinking." For most people, that's enough. For those who persist, I just ignore them and change the subject.

The long and the short of it is that no one really cares whether I drink.


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## FJW

drlivingston said:


> I don't drink. I don't smoke. I don't drink caffeine. Sure there have been more than a few awkward moments at family gatherings and office functions. I don't lie about my distaste for alcohol. Also, I do not make disparaging remarks about people who choose to imbibe. To each their own. People are often more perceptive than you give them credit for. It is best to just be honest.


Finally someone gets it.

A simple...I don't drink, No excuses... I don't drink...and if the people you're with can't accept it. It's their problem.


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## Wales

If someone is uncomfortable with you not drinking, they have a problem. That said, it's business so unlike in the social world, you have to put up with a lot of crap like that. I had a colleague who never drank because she was allergic to alcohol and would get a bad headache. I don't know if this was true, but nobody ever questioned it.


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## Patrick06790

I used to tell people alcohol made my gonorrhea flare up. My, what laughs we had.


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## imabsolutelyunique

Sorry I can't help, because I don't drink. Drinking with friends or out of mood is fine, but in business, I think water is all I need. Alcohol ruined the life of my loved ones, and it is simply unacceptable. Anyway, maybe the only reason is that I'm too immature to understand the significance of drinking in business context. Wish you luck


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## pleasehelp

I would just tell people that you can't handle the booze (or that you can't handle the associated headache, etc.), not because you actually can't "handle it" but because it is an easy and vague way to dismiss the issue without making a sermon about it. Another easy way to say it is that it "doesn't sit right in your stomach". 

I've seen an awful lot of good people flush their lives down the toilet b/c of booze, so I applaud your decision to make sure to never get close to the line.


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## Wales

Patrick06790 said:


> I used to tell people alcohol made my gonorrhea flare up. My, what laughs we had.


This is the perfect solution!


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## wrwhiteknight

Wow. Many, and mostly horrible responses. This is a very easy one: Don't lie, and don't drink if you don't want to. 

DO NOT say you are a recovering alcoholic (even if you are; this is a private situation which most societies lack understanding of).

Do not say you are on medication.

Do not say you are driving.

Just order your drink, and if anybody says "not drinking", or something to that effect, just say "no". No need for a script. 

If your issue is actually needing to keep up with folks at 1 AM or post work on a friday even at 7 PM, just have an espresso instead. 

People can stop posting now, this is the correct answer.


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## Shaver

wrwhiteknight said:


> People can stop posting now, this is the correct answer.


One of the best closing lines to a post I have read on these fora.

Magnificent.

:icon_smile_wink:


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## forni

bbcrock said:


> For a variety of reasons I stopped drinking a few years back. Two of my college friends became terrible alcoholics and lost multiple jobs- and that's just one reason. Even before then I drove everyone everywhere so I rarely if ever drank outside my house. Many years later I don't really want to go there at all.
> 
> I find that every few months I run into a client who wants to go out and have a drink or I'm at a bar at a conference where this becomes an issue.
> 9 times out of 10 a coke or tonic water or something that could pass for a cocktail is fine, but with some regularity now, every few months there's one or two people who will challenge me on that with an "everyone's having a drink here" or "you're staying in this hotel, you aren't driving." I understand that usually the person saying this has some psychological issue related to drinking that is triggered by someone not drinking. Of course I have no problem going to bars, but I really don't want to drink. It's to the point that if the people I'm with appear like they're too boisterous I will pick up that coke at the bar before walking over to their table so they don't question my order.
> 
> My concern is trying to appear as enough of a "regular guy" to make lasting business contacts. Anyone have pat answers to these kinds of comments?


Oh I know what you are talking about! First of all, congratulations on being so consistent and reasonable! If I were in the group of people who challenge you, I'd support you definitely. Many people do unfortunately take the "occasional" drink for granted. the question remains how occasional it actually is, seeing that many of them have issues with alcohol. But it is difficult to make them understand that it is not YOU who has a problem, but it is actually them who should think their behavior over.

I do not know what kind of business you are in, but as you mentioned conferences I expect it is some kind of academic/scientific job, or more economically directed? Anyway, there is hardly a way to make them understand that you are just normal and sociable and so on. But maybe you can make them see the point by telling the stories of your friends who went off track or because you live a healthy life. Full stop. I think you won't have any disadvantages with clients if you simply say that and tolerate how they go about life. And if they are really pressing you might even show you have done your homework by giving them information about the side effects of alcohol on the body. 
One of my friends studies molecular biology (he is a really clever guy) and talks about his research all the time. Just recently, he has finished a study on alcoholism and antibodies, showing that alcohol misuse increases the level of inflammation of the gastrointestinal tract. They work with really professional antibody supplier companies, so if that is a point to start from...why not try.


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## junjie

In my experience, taking a firm stand on issues like these work great. Having a coke is good for days when you want to mask your drink and avoid questions. But it may be still be a topic of discussion when it comes to buying rounds and different people place the orders. Other than those days, you should just say that you don't drink and don't back down. People who are pushy about these things are actually making a pretty bad impression of themselves. Jokes are common, but in general if you stand your ground people will respect it.


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## barkingloud78

Agreed, just be honest. Don't business partners / clients want honesty anyway? Yes some may feel uncomfortable because they are drinking and you aren't, but at the end of the day anyone meeting with you for a business meeting wants honesty, so give it to them. If they don't want honesty, do you want to be associated with them on a business level anyway? If you're lying about why you're not drinking, you mine as well drink, you've flushed your integrity down the toilet anyway. You are not responsible for manipulating other people's perceptions of you, just be you and let them think what they're going to think.


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## Jovan

wrwhiteknight said:


> Wow. Many, and mostly horrible responses. This is a very easy one: Don't lie, and don't drink if you don't want to.
> 
> *DO NOT say you are a recovering alcoholic (even if you are; this is a private situation which most societies lack understanding of).*
> 
> Do not say you are on medication.
> 
> Do not say you are driving.
> 
> Just order your drink, and if anybody says "not drinking", or something to that effect, just say "no". No need for a script.
> 
> If your issue is actually needing to keep up with folks at 1 AM or post work on a friday even at 7 PM, just have an espresso instead.
> 
> People can stop posting now, this is the correct answer.


In hindsight, you are quite right, I'm not sure why I suggested that now.


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## Guyute82

Your health and well-being is more important than appearance.


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## dbhdbhdbh

I don't think there is a single answer that will always work.

You do have to consider the situation and the audience. I think we can agree that someone who presses you for a reason for not drinking has already stepped beyond the bounds of proper behavior. But here we are postulating that you have to put up with this to maintain the business relationship. Therefore, an answer that says "none of your business, the subject is closed," while true, may not be appropriate.

The story about knowing people who lives have been destroyed by alcohol is a great answer, but requires a quiet enough room, and sober enough companions, to express it properly. That may may not be the case. It could be the difference between a private room and the main room at a restaurant. If your inquisitor is too into the idea that everyone drinks unless there is something wrong with them, then they may not react with compassion to the story. Something like "I never was much of a drinker anyway, but when I saw two friends suffer like that, it took all the fun out of alcohol for me. All I can see is their families... I know my abstaining does not help them, but I just don't perceive drinking as fun anymore"

I would use that if it were true for me. Given the prevalence of alcoholism, I assume I know plenty of alcoholics, but I cannot point to one who could serve as the based for this story.

I use any of the following, all true. None imply a drinking problem on my part, and none say that I am opposed to having a good time. All say, in one way or another, that, for me, drinking is not pleasurable, so I don't do it.

"I just don't like the smell or taste of alcohol. I am fine being with people who are drinking, but bringing a glass right up to my nose is not something I have any interest in doing."

"I hate being sedated. When I had minor surgery and was given pain meds with codeine, I found the drug to be worse than the pain."

"I have to read at night to get to sleep, and I need to be cold sober to appreciate what I am reading" This latter one can change the subject to what I am reading. I always reading something that takes concentration, so, depending on the audience, I mention something from the classics, from the economics literature, or the current finance literature, especially asset pricing theories. This has to be used with caution if you are with people who don't do serious reading. They may not like it to hear that you do. On the other hand, with the right kind of people, it can lead to an interesting conversation, and get the subject off your taste in alcohol.

I do NOT use "health reasons". Absent other medical conditions or alcoholism, moderate drinking is healthier than abstention. The people I work with know that, so "health reasons" would imply alcohol problems, about which many people still have antiquated notions. I would be healthier if I drank in moderation, but I am not willing to put up with the smell, taste or sedation for the modest benefits.

I also do not use religious reasons. While also true, I never discuss religion in a business situation. If I were with a sufficiently thoughtful person that it would be fun to talk theology, then I would not be in the position of defending my decision not to drink.


If the person really won't give up, then I point out that people who drink greatly overestimate the proportion of the population that drinks. In major surveys this is only around 60-65% of American adults. So not drinking is very common. Since people who drink do so very publicly, but there are not places where people gather to not drink, most people are unaware of how common abstention is.


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## joyfulbunny

well, in my past few years, i am a heavy drinker. i drink till i drop, it costs me nonsense things. i realized that i dont need to do that anymore. so now, i drink occassionally and with moderation.


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