# “Cocktail Attire” … Definition?



## RSS (Dec 30, 2003)

I received an e-mail from long-time friends asking if I'd be a "last minute" substitute at their table for a charity dinner/auction ... and the dress reads "cocktail attire". Sadly they are out of reach until the actual day of the event ... later this week.

I'm home alone this week -- probably the reason I was asked -- so am thinking you fellows might be the most appropriate place to turn.

Are we talking informal (dinner jacket and matching trousers) or dark lounge suit? There is the new A&S DB in navy with chalky windowpane ... but that might be too much. Of course, this would be a good opportunity to get a photo to post.

*EDIT:* This might be an appropriate time to ask a second question ... which while more appropriate to the Interchange ... might get more answers here.

At a recent concert during which a new piece was given its premiere ... the composer presented me with his original handwritten score. After the concert the head of a college music department came to me and requested that I donate it to them. What is one expected to do in such a situation? My initial thought is to donate it ... but it is a gift presented to me ... am I expected to keep it?

In a quandary! --RSS


----------



## Concordia (Sep 30, 2004)

Varies by location and time of year, but normally this is jacket and tie, of the sort you might not use for business. So, a blazer, sport jacket, or suit designed for evening. This is one occasion where women don't calibrate their dress based on what the men are wearing, but rather, the other way around. Figure that the ladies will wear something silky with a bit more than the usual jewelry. Complement that.

Not black tie.


----------



## yachtie (May 11, 2006)

I'm thinking "dark lounge suit". Don't you hate it when people get "cutesy" with invitations?


----------



## Mark from Plano (Jan 29, 2007)

RSS said:


> I received an e-mail from long-time friends asking if I'd be a "last minute" substitute at their table for a charity dinner/auction ... and the dress reads "cocktail attire". Sadly they are out of reach until the actual day of the event ... later this week.
> 
> I'm home alone this week -- probably the reason I was asked -- so am thinking you fellows might be the most appropriate place to turn.
> 
> ...


I've always understood "cocktail attire" to be suit and tie for men and have dressed accordingly and it's always worked out about right. Unfortunately, its one of those common, but misunderstood terms that means different things to different people.

At one event last winter (a birthday party held at a local art gallery), nearly all the men interpreted it as suit and tie, but one fellow interpreted it as sweater and khaki's. He was pretty embarrassed and nearly went home to change, but we encouraged him to stay and it was fine.

I don't think that if dinner jacket is what was meant they would have used "cocktail attire" in the invitation.


----------



## agnash (Jul 24, 2006)

RSS said:


> At a recent concert during which a new piece was given its premiere ... the composer presented me with his original handwritten score. After the concert the head of the music department of well known music school came to me and requested that I donate to them. What is one expected to do in such a situation? My initial thought is to donate it ... but it is a gift presented to me ... am I expected to keep it?
> 
> In a quandary! --RSS


I do not know the particulars of your relationship with either the composer or the head of the music dept. That said, it appears that the score was given to you as a gift by the composer, and how you use or dispose of the gift should be your personal choice, so long as you do so with respect, and without deliberatley going against the pesonal wishes or beliefs of the giver. In this, it is not unlike any other gift. It would seem to me that the head of the music dept was somewhat forward in making the request, particularly in that the request was made at the event.


----------



## Acct2000 (Sep 24, 2005)

I think Cocktail attire is one a lot of people would recognize as (dark probably) suit and tie for men.


----------



## wgb (Mar 2, 2007)

RSS said:


> *EDIT:* This might be an appropriate time to ask a second question ... which while more appropriate to the Interchange ... might get more answers here.
> 
> At a recent concert during which a new piece was given its premiere ... the composer presented me with his original handwritten score. After the concert the head of the music department of well known music school came to me and requested that I donate to them. What is one expected to do in such a situation? My initial thought is to donate it ... but it is a gift presented to me ... am I expected to keep it?
> 
> In a quandary! --RSS


Well, it was a gift to you, you should have no qualms about keeping it. The composer wouldn't have given it to you if s/he didn't want you to have it. Given the tax considerations around charitable donations, I likely would have said something to the effect that I was honored to have received the score as a gift and just wanted to enjoy that moment. Pretty cheeky to ask for the donation right there, if you ask me -- it sounds like it definitely took away from the moment, and that's a shame.


----------



## Rossini (Oct 7, 2007)

dark suit & dressy, unfussy, tie (probably not stripes), best accompanied by a handkerchief. Black shoes.


----------



## eagle2250 (Mar 24, 2006)

agnash said:


> I do not know the particulars of your relationship with either the composer or the head of the music dept. That said, it appears that the score was given to you as a gift by the composer, and how you use or dispose of the gift should be your personal choice, so long as you do so with respect, and without deliberatley going against the pesonal wishes or beliefs of the giver. In this, it is not unlike any other gift. It would seem to me that the head of the music dept was somewhat forward in making the request, particularly in that the request was made at the event.


+1. It would also seem, given that you were both at the concert, the composer would have presented the gift to the "head of the music department," had he wanted it to go to the school, rather than yourself.


----------



## daghastly1 (Aug 30, 2006)

I would keep it. As a previous poster stated, since the head of the music department (referred to as HoMD from here forward) was at the event, one could assume that if the composer wanted the school to have it, he would have given it to him/them. On a side note, the brashness of the HoMD is intended (almost if not outright) to move one to believe that the school is somehow entitled to the original score. This is not the case. 

I would tell the HoMD that I'm leaving it to a museum of some sort in my will for safe keeping and that I'm more than willing to make a copy of it for the music school for academic purposes. After all isn't the purpose of a school to teach and the museum to preserve?


----------



## qasimkhan (Sep 24, 2003)

Absolutely crass. You never ask for a personal keepsake as a donation. Mail him a photocopy.


----------



## RSS (Dec 30, 2003)

Particulars. I commissioned the piece.

The request regarding the potential donation of the score was made somewhat indirectly ... and there was no implication of time frame. Moreover, the request came at the end of a conversation which was mostly gratitude for my having made the commission. And ... I did not make any commitment. 

Perhaps I should give it some time ... and talk to the composer about it.


----------



## Droog (Aug 29, 2006)

Unless you are in some relationship with the requesting individual or organization, I say keep it for as long as it pleases you, if not forever. Asking for it in any shape or form so soon was the act of a vulgarian that you are under no obligation to honor.


----------



## Concordia (Sep 30, 2004)

RSS said:


> Particulars. I commissioned the piece.
> 
> The request regarding the potential donation of the score was made somewhat indirectly ... and there was no implication of time frame. Moreover, the request came at the end of a conversation which was mostly gratitude for my having made the commission. And ... I did not make any commitment.
> 
> Perhaps I should give it some time ... and talk to the composer about it.


I think you do have some obligation to preserve the score. That does not include preserving it at any particular library. So keep it as long as it pleases you, and make arrangements to transfer it to a safe place after it no longer does.


----------



## joshuagb (Nov 27, 2004)

yachtie said:


> I'm thinking "dark lounge suit". Don't you hate it when people get "cutesy" with invitations?


"Cocktail attire" is a pretty common and acceptable term for a sort of night-time equivalent to business attire. Really, the only difference here is for women, who would wear a cocktail dress rather than a pant suit or whatever they wear to work. For guys, this usually just means suit and tie. Because of the nature of night events, I'd tend to think you'd have more wiggle room here -- festive pocket square, maybe? Boutonnière?


----------



## Andy (Aug 25, 2002)

One of the articles linked from the Home Page explains it:

*DAY *or *EVENING INFORMAL *(Don't think casual!) also COCKTAIL, or BUSINESS ATTIRE: This requires a business suit, necktie, lace-up shoes, and for evening occasions a non-button-down collar dress shirt. Make certain that the person sending out the invitations really means informal and not casual since this is a common misconception!
​


----------



## DougNZ (Aug 31, 2005)

joshuagb said:


> "Cocktail attire" is a pretty common and acceptable term for a sort of night-time equivalent to business attire.


For this reason, a pinstripe should be a second choice over a solid.


----------



## TMMKC (Aug 2, 2007)

Concordia said:


> Varies by location and time of year, but normally this is jacket and tie, of the sort you might not use for business. So, a blazer, sport jacket, or suit designed for evening. This is one occasion where women don't calibrate their dress based on what the men are wearing, but rather, the other way around. Figure that the ladies will wear something silky with a bit more than the usual jewelry. Complement that.
> 
> Not black tie.


Agree...sometimes a suit, usually a blazer or sport jacket.


----------



## Rossini (Oct 7, 2007)

I concur, DougNZ - not pinstripe!!


----------



## DougNZ (Aug 31, 2005)

TMMKC said:


> Agree...sometimes a suit, usually a blazer or sport jacket.


I disagree.

If the event warrants an invitation that reads 'cocktail dress' or similar, it means suit and tie. If a friend has invited you around for drinks or cocktails, then a jacket would be fine and a suit would probably be overdoing it.


----------



## joshuagb (Nov 27, 2004)

DougNZ said:


> I disagree.
> 
> If the event warrants an invitation that reads 'cocktail dress' or similar, it means suit and tie. If a friend has invited you around for drinks or cocktails, then a jacket would be fine and a suit would probably be overdoing it.


+1 Exactly. Cocktail attire always means suit and tie. Dark suit.


----------



## philm (Jun 17, 2007)

wgb said:


> Well, it was a gift to you, you should have no qualms about keeping it. The composer wouldn't have given it to you if s/he didn't want you to have it. Given the tax considerations around charitable donations, I likely would have said something to the effect that I was honored to have received the score as a gift and just wanted to enjoy that moment. Pretty cheeky to ask for the donation right there, if you ask me -- it sounds like it definitely took away from the moment, and that's a shame.


+1...


----------



## jackmccullough (May 10, 2006)

I agree that the department chair was out of line in making the request. You have no obligation to comply. You are free to do whatever you want with it: keep it, pass it along to your heirs, donate it to a museum or other institution (or place it with them on a long-term loan), or even sell it, although that would probably be tacky. Under the circumstances, the last thing I would do is give it to the department of the guy who requested it.


----------



## Gurdon (Feb 7, 2005)

Wear a dark suit and keep the score. 

What was the music?

Regards,

Gurdon


----------



## DougNZ (Aug 31, 2005)

Incidentally, what is everyone's opinion on a suitable shirt for "cocktail attire"?


----------



## Rossini (Oct 7, 2007)

White or light blue crisp light cotton (e.g. poplin), collar not to spread, double-cuff. Not oxford cloth, herringbone or heavy twill. No button-down.


----------



## Timbo (Sep 15, 2009)

Rossini said:


> White or light blue crisp light cotton (e.g. poplin), collar not to spread, double-cuff. Not oxford cloth, herringbone or heavy twill. No button-down.


Double cuff? As in French cuffs?
I would not, unless I was already wearing them from the daytime.

I do however concur with the suggestion of white or light blue, and with no button-down.


----------

