# My Funeral



## Kav (Jun 19, 2005)

I just received an email about a professional peers passing. I was a little shocked. Us archaeologists are big on this stuff, but no, "per the deceased wishes no observances will be held." I've been at work for sometime devising safeguards from graverobbers and real estate developers. I have warnings to be carved in several languages and religous traditions and am looking into the lifespan of boobytrapped explosives, catalog available stink bombs and old muscrat traps off EBAY. But the ceremony has me worried. Would Wayfarer venture to Ventura to play the pipes? I have a friend who flies RC airplanes. I think his club would perform the missing man manuever, except the one time I watched they got in a fight over frequencies and a splendid Fokker D V11 smashed into a Mustang. I've elected out of a military guard of honor . The local VFW almost poisoned me already at their last BBQ with a tritip and bad beans. I'd love to further scandalise my uptight family by paying several good looking hookers to show up crying. But an online friend complains bitterly CRAIGSLIST is just a bunch of police stings and terminated security guards having perverted pleasures. I know my horses would be unhappy being led with my boots jammed in reverse. But my thieving brother would have them off in a minute and his size 9 feet in my size 11s with cheap trousers faster than cravat whats his name anyway. Has anyone else worried about this? I was expecting a full out irish wake for this guy. Is nothing sacred anymore? And why do the funeral insurance companies always say " be prepared IF you die?" Do they KNOW something?


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## Martinis at 8 (Apr 14, 2006)

Kav,

Where are you thinking about internment?

I've actually given this some thought:

1. Here in Houston since this is where I now live and will probably die.
2. The VA cemetery in Los Angeles (born there) right off of the 405. If there are any plots left.
3. The post cemeterary at West Point.
4. The cemetery right across the street from the Old Soldiers Home in Washington, D.C., since my mother has several plots there for the lot of us.

Cheers,

M8


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## Wayfarer (Mar 19, 2006)

Kav: if I can make it to such a sad event, I would be honoured to pipe you home. A little Green Hills of Tyrol right into The Battle's O'er loading the casket and Amazing Grace as they lower you down.

I have not thought much about burial yet. I know I want a proper Viking funeral, a celebration and remembrance vs. a dull mourning crowd. Plenty of my favorite whisky to go around. If I get buried, there is a certain graveyard in a small town in Ontario I want to get planted in, or by the ocean in Cape Breton. I keep thinking about having my remains frozen though.


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## Acct2000 (Sep 24, 2005)

I sing a good "Amazing Grace" and a really strong jazzy version of "Just a Closer Walk with Thee." I can accompany myself on a variety of keyboards.

Of course, for a less funereal touch, there's always "The Old Gray Stag; He Ain't What He Used to Be."


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## Concordia (Sep 30, 2004)

And for the right honoree, "Sheep May Safely Graze."


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## Duck (Jan 4, 2007)

I am a little younger so I have only had passing thoughts about the next stop. I do know that I want to be seen in a bow tie and a seersucker suit (I plan on going in May). Play some good music and have a lot of whiskey in my own home when everyone is talking about what an old SOB I was. Cremate me and pour some whiskey in the urn to keep me refreshed for the trip. Dump my ashes into the Chesapeake Bay and sell the urn for new line on the boat.

I have always thought that "Funeral for a Friend" by Elton John would be funny at the viewing.


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## Laxplayer (Apr 26, 2006)

Jedi funeral for me.


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## globetrotter (Dec 30, 2004)

what ever anybody can use of me should be given away for transplants. anything left can be tossed out, as far as I am concerned. what ever friends and family I have at that point, can gather round and have some drinks and talk about me. then they should get on with their lives.


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## A Questionable Gentleman (Jun 16, 2006)

globetrotter said:


> what ever anybody can use of me should be given away for transplants. anything left can be tossed out, as far as I am concerned.


I'm all for organ donation, myself. I do, however, pity the poor soul who ends up with my liver.


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## Kav (Jun 19, 2005)

The Los Angeles V.A. Cemetary still has room. I made the mistake of telling a Buckskinning acquaintance no less than Jeremiah 'Liver eating' Johnson was interred there. They actually tried to fire a Hawken rifle salute at his gravesite but were turned down. Actually, My romanian fiancee' and I both love the famous 'Happy Cemetary. A woodcarver creates brilliantly painted headstones of humorous imagery and funny poems about the departeds favourite activities.


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## Alexander Kabbaz (Jan 9, 2003)

Send measurements and preferred shirt colors, collar, and cuff styles no less than six weeks in advance of the ceremony unless you would prefer the sounds of sewing machines to accompany Wayfarer's dirge. Might be an appropriate touch, eh?

I shall be honoured ... and humbled ... to contribute to the blessed event in my own small way.


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## tabasco (Jul 17, 2006)

My family favors minimal impact, cremation over monuments. 

Walking in Pere LaChaise, and Cemiterie Montparnasse convinces me of the transitory vulnerability & impermanence of stone and bronze.

My mom and my brother's "cremains" are interred in a river where my family has been for 4 generations, my father, musing on his possible internment "I don't know if I want to be tossed in the river, or buried in the local cemetary where is favorite relatives are. So we comply: 1/2 & half. We listened to "Scotland the Brave" and "Amazing Grace"; my brother and I drank a wee dram with the piper. 

I lean also towards the spreading upon the waters (in this case Lake Superior), and also in the local cemetary (makes life easier for successive geneologists). Music, something of Mozart for joy and Verdi for passion; I'd like a party too, good stories and plenty of wine.


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## Bertie Wooster (Feb 11, 2006)

Hmmmm, I don't post over here much, but what a facinating topic. 
I'm going to employ bouncers to enforce a strict dress code. No flip flops or baseball caps at my send off ! 
Never really thought much about the details, but music wise it's down to three:
Highland Cathedral ( Way, you don't ever get over to scotland do you ?! ) 
The Party's Over : Noel Coward
My Way: Sid Vicious. 

And I'd like someone to do a eulogy in the style of John Cleese at Graham Chapman's funeral. :icon_smile_big:


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## Copper (Mar 25, 2007)

Cheers to the Cleese syle Eulogy delivery. 

I have always said that I just want my remains scattered over the City. 

Not cremated, mind you.

My friends just might have the courage and character to pull that one off too. I will even leave one of them the key to my Piper Cherokee.


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## globetrotter (Dec 30, 2004)

Copper said:


> Cheers to the Cleese syle Eulogy delivery.
> 
> I have always said that I just want my remains scattered over the City.
> 
> ...


for your piper, I'll make sure it happens.


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## jamgood (Feb 8, 2006)

*Here i come...*

Gonna be raptured. Yes sir.

Left Behind Pipers piping "Desperado" as a beatific jamgood gently wafts heavenward in an ivory, wing collared, pleated front, Meyer Wolfsheim linked French cuffed, half-belted back, hand saddle-stitched semi-diaphanous gown, feets fluttering.

Or, perchance, an appropriately discerned selection of Bach by the Left Behind String Quartet.

Kav, dare one be so bold, please double-up on the vitamin E and refrain from staring out the window into the middle distance.

Thank you.


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## Mahler (Aug 5, 2005)

Kav, great thread.

I've only given thought to what music will be played at the service - Bach's cantata "Ich Habe Genug", the third and fourth movements of Chopin's piano sonata #2, and the final movement of Mahler's third symphony.

Other than that, Jedi's funeral for me, too.


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## Gurdon (Feb 7, 2005)

My wife and I have discussed funeral arrangements. Some of mine follow.

1. Ashes: half in a cheap box in the family plot in Pasadena, the rest distributed at various places, including Flathead Lake, upper end of San Gabriel Canyon, the Hudson Valley between Albany and Poughkeepsie, Big River in Mendocino County, and a spoonful at Camp 4 in Yosemite.

2. Party with good food and pleanty of refreshments.

3. Guitarist playing Pete Seeger's "Living in the Country," and as many John Fahey pieces as he or she can manage.

4. A time for individuals to say something, so long as it is not religious. (If someone must pray for me, let it be done silently and unobtrusively.)

5. The announcement will suggest men wear ties.

6. Arrangements to get people safely home.


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## VC2000 (Feb 10, 2006)

I find myself needing to plan for a funeral for a departed friend. There are some decent suggestions for music but I need some ideas for readings. He was a Christian but lived in California so he was a bit of free spirit. I'm at a loss and my mind is scattered. I'm sure the many fine members of this forum have some ideas.

Thanks in advance.


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## Concordia (Sep 30, 2004)

I'm not a paid-up member, so can't offer an authoritative digest of scriptural readings. But I think Romans 12:4-8 offers a lot of comfort to those who feel obliged to go their own way.


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## ajo (Oct 22, 2007)

Mind you I have given this some though and while I have no intention of shuffling off this mortal coil as yet this is what i have in place.

Funeral service at Mary Immaculate in Charring Cross but it must have a strong Tibetan Buddhist Component and if its a RC mass well has to be done in Latin. 

These three songs played at the beginning middle and end of any service.
All Blues by Miles Davis
Something ( this is for the wife) 
Somewhere over the rainbow, the Keith Jarrett piano solo

A wake at our house with the idea to put a serious dent in the cellar and then cremation and have my ashes put into the sea at Bondi Beach at 9am on a Monday morning.


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## DukeGrad (Dec 28, 2003)

*Keith Jarrett*

Gentlemen

I have Keith Jarrett playing his Koln concert for my funeral. As well as Pink Floyd.

Nice day

The gentlemen who has his ashes spread all over. I love that idea! Funny, will aggravate your spouse, or family.
I m gonna do the same, starting at the Hudson Valley region, a little bit south of Albany. Actually, just at West Point my friend.

Nice day gents


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## Cruiser (Jul 21, 2006)

VC2000 said:


> I need some ideas for readings. He was a Christian but lived in California so he was a bit of free spirit.


I don't know the author but I heard this read at a funeral last week and really liked it.

Cruiser
* 
When I come to the end of the road 
And the sun has set for me
I want no rites in a gloom filled room 
Why cry for a soul set free

Miss me a little - but not too long
And not with your head bowed low 
Remember the love that we once shared 
Miss me - but let me go

For this is a journey that we must all take 
And each must go alone 
It's all a part of the Master's plan 
A step on the road to home

When you are lonely, and sick of heart 
Go to the friends we know
And bury your sorrows in doing good deeds 
Miss me - but let me go 
*​*
*


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## Stringfellow (Jun 19, 2008)

As a fellow anthropologist I have thought about this a lot too. I don't really care what happens to my remains but I would really like Quentin Tarantino and Price to be invited as without them I would never have met my wife (long story) and I would like Guns-N-Roses to reunite and play the ceremony. I'm sure this will not happen but my wife knows she has to at least send letters and make a few phone calls. Lots of people want happy ceremonies but I think they become sad. There is no way to be sad at a GNR show.

I have a good friend who wants to be cremated and have his wife put little spoonfuls of his ashes in guests' coffee so he can live in them and travel with them. That will be an odd ceremony and I for one will not be eating.


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## Pulledpork (Jun 3, 2008)

I want to have "Dancing Cheek to Cheek" played at my funeral, other than that I have no firm plans.


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