# Adults who won't grow up



## Gong Tao Jai (Jul 7, 2005)

"He owns eleven pairs of sneakers, hasn't worn anything but jeans in a year, and won't shut up about the latest Death Cab for Cutie CD. But he is no kid. He is among the ascendant breed of grown-up who has redefined adulthood as we once knew it and killed off the generation gap."

That's the header from this rather long article about 40 year olds who still act like they're 22. I thought it might be interesting to some of us here.

The whole thing is at:

https://nymag.com/news/features/16529/


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## crs (Dec 30, 2004)

I read it when they ran the story in April. On one side of me as I write this is a fat, bald guy, mid-30s, who wears his shirts untucked at the office because, I guess, that's what the kids do. Looks ridiculous on someone like that.


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## pt4u67 (Apr 27, 2006)

Haven't your heard: 40 is the new 12.


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## Patrick06790 (Apr 10, 2005)

I'm 44, almost 45, graduated high school in 1980 and college in '84. Tail end of the baby boom, I suppose, segueing into the Gen X or whatever it is.

My high school friends are all pretty ordinary, boomer types. My college friends are mostly like the people described in this piece.

I gave one of them, K., a Sam Hober tie as a thank you for having me out to visit in Oregon. (Gave his girl one of their big colorful scarves.)

K. told me later he doesn't wear ties unless he must. "I sort of consider them appropriate for mutual fund managers and older (much older) guys from a generation gone by," he wrote. (K. is an unemployed teacher who really should know better. Maybe if he wore a tie once in a while he'd have a job.)

He also complained that ties choke him. My reply was rather terse:

"K, you blithering idiot:

How much older do you think you need to be before you stop dressing like a kid?

And if your tie is choking you, have you considered that maybe your shirt collar is too small? Anybody with a head as fat as yours likely has a neck to match."

I suspect that by the time I shuffle off this mortal coil the jacket and tie will be almost completely done - in this country, anyway.


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## Trenditional (Feb 15, 2006)

There is definitely a change towards acting younger as opposed to acting older as people age these days. Then again, I look at myself today at almost 38 years old and definitely don't look or feel as old as I perceived my father to be when he was 38. I think part of this change is the sense that life hasn't been as hard as it was for our parents. Basically, we've had very good and easy lifes where we weren't forced to "grow up" as quick as our parents may have had to. I don't believe in trying to look 18 when you're 40, but there is no reason you can't dress younger and still look presentable.


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## StevenRocks (May 24, 2005)

It's a reaction to the "boomer dad/mom" cliches: these 30-40 year olds don't want to dress and act like the previous generation of 30-40 year olds, who didn't want to dress and act like the generation before, and so on. 

It's less a cultural shift than a current affectation. Everybody wants to be cool in their own mind.


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## burnedandfrozen (Mar 11, 2004)

Remember those Razor Scooters that were all the rage several years ago? I was actually thinking of buying one. I was about 31 or 32 at the time. Then a little voice inside my head went on. It laughed and I changed my mind.

I found this artical sad but true. Not only do these people seem like cases of arrested development, but the parents seem waaayyy to self involved to be parents in the first place and furthermore, they seem to think being a parent means being their kids friend. 

As a 36 year old I have no desire to relive my teens and 20's. I have no desire to imerse myself in the youth pop culture of today. Yes, I guess when I actually got more enjoyment from putting on a pair of AE's and developed a likeing for classical music I officially became old and boring.

Yet when I see other mid 30's guys parking themselves down in front of the TV to play the XBox they waited two days in line for and spent $500 on I just scratch my head. I haven't played video games in years.

If nothing else, maybe this explains why so many adults just act so selfish and immature.


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## Wayfarer (Mar 19, 2006)

I think it is an extension of the concept that we're all "middle class." Just as we are supposed to pretend that the high school drop out janitor at the middle school on the night shift has the same social standing and place in society as a professional knocking down 250k a year with multiple graduate degrees, we are all now of one age, thus removing any honour, prestige, or standing that has customarily come with success and age. There are some other factors, but I really think this is the nub of it.


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## crs (Dec 30, 2004)

Wayfarer said:


> I think it is an extension of the concept that we're all "middle class." Just as we are supposed to pretend that the high school drop out janitor at the middle school on the night shift has the same social standing and place in society as a professional knocking down 250k a year with multiple graduate degrees, we are all now of one age, thus removing any honour, prestige, or standing that has customarily come with success and age. There are some other factors, but I really think this is the nub of it.


I think there may be some regional differences here. The article comes from New York magazine and plenty of people there are status-conscious enough to pay a premium to live in certain neighborhoods of Manhattan and Brooklyn, and to live in certain suburbs, and to eat in certain restaurants, and to flaunt their wealth by driving certain cars. Indeed, not in my town, but in many towns around here, there are ostentatious displays of wealth. The Washington Post ran a story a few years ago about why McMansions tend not to have trees on the front lawn, and the theory was that the owners wanted others to admire and envy the grandeur of the owner's house without the view being obstructed. I get less a sense of "we're all middle class" around here than I do when I visit your state, Wayfarer, where even my wealthy uncle's palace has the unassuming brown stucco exterior that all his neighbors have, and outwardly not much different visually from the middle-class neighborhoods where my mom and sister live.

I think the reason for the extended adolesence has more to do with people staying single longer and avoiding adult responsibilities longer than previous generations did.


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## JLibourel (Jun 13, 2004)

It's a phenomenon I have often noticed. It's curious: When I was a very little boy, one of the prospects I didn't like about growing up was that I couldn't go about in T-shirt and shorts the way I liked to. Now a large percentage of the male population dresses the way I liked to as a little boy [and now utterly despise, except for chores like bathing the dog].

On the other hand, I am dressed at the moment just about the same as I dressed much of the time in my rustic prep school 50 years ago--L.L. Bean plaid flannel shirt and khakis. I don't see it as an attempt to recapture my lost youth--just timeless, classic sportswear.


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## Wayfarer (Mar 19, 2006)

I don't disagree with the idea of extended adolesence crs. As I said, there are other factors and I certainly agree that is one of them. It rolls into my idea though too as what are the clothes of adolesence all about? They are about fitting in, matching your peer group. The ubiquity and sameness is comforting and a personality moratorium IMO. The informality facilitates no social distinctions.

As far as things out here crs, you just have to figure out the paradigm for indicators of wealth  Count the garage doors, check size of property, and proximity to mountains and/or mountain views.


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## ksinc (May 30, 2005)

I've actually substantially changed career paths because the way I wanted to dress was not accepted in the environment I found myself in. I have always wanted to dress older, not younger. I'm just a 38 year old "fogey".


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## KenR (Jun 22, 2005)

Well, it certainly explains some things to me. And quite frankly I find it all pathetic.


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## AOI Photo (Dec 19, 2006)

Interesting Read.
I found the reference to the band "The Decemberists" amusing. I just turned 31 (on 12/28) and am a big Decemberists fan. I was at the last Decemberists concert here in Dallas. The audiance was indeed mostly dressed as the "grups" from the article. Colin Meloy, the lead singer for the band, was wearing a suit and tie.


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## Patrick06790 (Apr 10, 2005)

Get a load of this


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## Laxplayer (Apr 26, 2006)

I still listen to a few punk bands: The Ramones, The Clash, Husker Du, Fugazi etc, but my son will definitely not be wearing any of these clothes. I have really grown tired of the MTV punk style. 

Punk's not dead, it just sucks now.


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## Martinis at 8 (Apr 14, 2006)

Adults who don't grow up?

Uh, that would be moi. In fact I still drop pennies on the floor around women wearing short skirts :icon_smile_big:...

...but I am well-dressed :icon_smile_wink:


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## Gong Tao Jai (Jul 7, 2005)

Martinis, you need to grow the hell up and stop this dropped penny baloney-- mirrors on the shoes is how we adults do it. 

The people in the article remind me of those who get plastic surgery-- just not able to face up to getting older. The "alterna-dad" guy is probably the worst dad in the world. I can remember a few of my friends when I was a teenager who had parents who tried to be cool and youthful. They were not well respected by their kids' friends.


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## OldSkoolFrat (Jan 5, 2007)

About to turn 43 and I white water kayak. Basically playing in the river with plastic boats.


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## Laxplayer (Apr 26, 2006)

OldSkoolFrat said:


> About to turn 43 and I white water kayak. Basically playing in the river with plastic boats.


Welcome OSF. I also like to kayak and backpack. What class do you run? I've only done a class IV once on the Little Missouri in Arkansas. It's usually a II or III unless the water level is high. Large waves and narrow channels make it pretty challenging.


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## KenR (Jun 22, 2005)

OldSkoolFrat said:


> About to turn 43 and I white water kayak. Basically playing in the river with plastic boats.


Welcome. There is a big difference between continuing to participate in sporting activities from your younger days and children having children.


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## OldSkoolFrat (Jan 5, 2007)

Lax and Ken

I mostly just drank when I was young. Did not take up kayaking till my late thirties.

Class III mostly, Nantahala river mostly, though my buddies say I am ready for some sections of the Ocoee. Just got my new plastic boat too:


Am thinking that the Nomad will "plow" less during big water ferry moves than my RPM Max (talk about Old Skool!) and be a big help on the ferries required on the Ocoee. 

Nantahala Falls can be class IV at high water, so I guess I can say I have run that class once. But just bombed it, no eddies: Paddling like mad on the approach, around the top hole and powered through the river right edge of the bottom hole which gets freaking huge at high water. 

Lax, if you are ever out this way we should get on the Nantahala together. I usually plan one hippie vacation each year:icon_smile_wink: 

At the next American whitewater gala event, my crummerbund will be black neoprene like a spray skirt. 

WW has taken over and I don't Backpack as much as I used to, need to get out more. 

OSF


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## Martinis at 8 (Apr 14, 2006)

OldSkoolFrat said:


> About to turn 43 and I white water kayak. Basically playing in the river with plastic boats.


That's great!

I don't know about the rest of the guyz here, but at 49 I don't think I've even hit my prime. I'm even taking up new endeavor like open water swimming now.

M8


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## crs (Dec 30, 2004)

Went sea kayaking in the Pacific a few years ago. It was a lesson/tour with guide. They were the kind of kayaks you sit _on,_ not in. We were about a half-mile out and the group took a break in the kelp bed. My kayak started to drift away from my wife's while we were stopped, so I reached out to grab some kelp, as if that would anchor me. I flipped over. It is difficult to get back on them when you are in deep water, but I found a way after remembering there are sharks out there.


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## 16412 (Apr 1, 2005)

Likeing certain clothes is fine, and, wearing them, too. But, trying to stay young by wearing certain clothes is rather deceiving. 

Never been on/in a kayak. Sounds like a lot of fun.


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## RSS (Dec 30, 2003)

I recently enjoyed a small reunion with some fellows I'd known in what is often called middle school these days. It had been almost 40 years since I'd seen most of them. I must admit, I was surprise that each and every one of us was at least decently dressed. Of course, we are a bit older than the target group of this thread.

But as for looking our age ... as I sat at my table looking across at my old friends, I found myself thinking, "What the h*ll happened to these guys?" Later, upon seeing my reflection in the bathroom mirror, my question was easily answered. I think we all feel younger than we look. 

But as someone has pointed out ... I think we do look better than our parents did at our age. Of course, I also think we eat healthier food as well as take better care of ourselves physically.


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## The Wife (Feb 4, 2006)

WA said,


> Likeing certain clothes is fine, and, wearing them, too. But, trying to stay young by wearing certain clothes is rather deceiving.


*Right you are*, but the fact that wearing certain young-style clothes _deceives no one at all_ makes the practice futile as well as pathetic. For instance, last night at a party which just happened to include only people over fifty, there was a woman with a fairly wrinkled face wearing leather trousers with a hip-hugging, biker-style belt. While her figure allowed for such a style, the effect was less than desirable.


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## eagle2250 (Mar 24, 2006)

Aging on the down side of my 50's, I own several pair of sneakers, in various states of disrepair. However they only get worn during my daily runs and the older, really shabby ones get worn when I am repainting various rooms in the house...which seems to have become a perrenial affair. I also participate in some rather vigorous, youth focused outdoor activities (these include attending a few concerts each year...the Rolling Stones put on a hell of a show in Chicago recently). However enjoying life and living life to the fullest does not preclude dressing in an age appropriate and proper manner. Failing to do so doesn't make one a "Grup," but rather just another poorly dressed "middle ager!"


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## OldSkoolFrat (Jan 5, 2007)

Grup? Bonk bonk, on the head!!:icon_smile_big:


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## rojo (Apr 29, 2004)

When I was a kid, the little old men wore suits and hats, and their little old wives walked down the street arm-in-arm with them wearing dresses, heels, and often fur pieces. You've seen the senior citizens of today: they wear jeans, t-shirts, sweat shirts, and sneakers, just like their children and grandchildren.


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## JLibourel (Jun 13, 2004)

rojo said:


> When I was a kid, the little old men wore suits and hats, and their little old wives walked down the street arm-in-arm with them wearing dresses, heels, and often fur pieces. You've seen the senior citizens of today: they wear jeans, t-shirts, sweat shirts, and sneakers, just like their children and grandchildren.


Not all of us, not all of us. I will admit that my wife wears "jeans, t-shirts, sweat shirts and sneakers" regularly (much to my chagrin), but I don't think she quite qualifies for "senior citizen" status just yet.


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## 16412 (Apr 1, 2005)

The Wife said:


> WA said,
> *Right you are*, but the fact that wearing certain young-style clothes _deceives no one at all_ makes the practice futile as well as pathetic. For instance, last night at a party which just happened to include only people over fifty, there was a woman with a fairly wrinkled face wearing leather trousers with a hip-hugging, biker-style belt. While her figure allowed for such a style, the effect was less than desirable.


Like I said "trying to stay young by wearing certain clothes is rather deceiving."


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## Artisan Fan (Jul 21, 2006)

> Remember those Razor Scooters that were all the rage several years ago? I was actually thinking of buying one. I was about 31 or 32 at the time. Then a little voice inside my head went on. It laughed and I changed my mind.


It seems that some people lack that "little voice".


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## Iambic Pentameter (Aug 1, 2005)

I find these "grups" (awful title) pretty amusing. It's all rather try-hard and transparent, in my opinion. I think Dr. Evil said it best: "There's nothing more pathetic than an aging hipster".


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## The Wife (Feb 4, 2006)

*WA*,



> Like I said "trying to stay young by wearing certain clothes is rather deceiving."


 
I agreed with you completely, but wished to add that in fact those older people affecting a younger style are actually deceiving no one!


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## android (Dec 8, 2004)

rojo said:


> When I was a kid, the little old men wore suits and hats, and their little old wives walked down the street arm-in-arm with them wearing dresses, heels, and often fur pieces. You've seen the senior citizens of today: they wear jeans, t-shirts, sweat shirts, and sneakers, just like their children and grandchildren.


Yes, but the *stylish* ones wear coordinated two piece polar-fleece jogging suits.


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