# Pocket squares at funerals



## egerland (Aug 18, 2008)

What say you? Yea or nay?


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## CuffDaddy (Feb 26, 2009)

A plain white handkerchief in a barely-visible square fold cannot be wrong. Depending on the sort of funeral, you or those near you may need more than one.


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## Tonyp (May 8, 2007)

CuffDaddy said:


> A plain white handkerchief in a barely-visible square fold cannot be wrong. Depending on the sort of funeral, you or those near you may need more than one.


agreed.


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## ToryBoy (Oct 13, 2008)

Personally, no; however, as already mentioned, a white square fold should be fine.

The other exception is probably if it was a colourful funeral, then a fancy Duchamp pocket square would be appropriate.


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## Nerev (Apr 25, 2009)

I wore a linen black and white checkered pocket square a month ago to a good friends funeral. A plain white linen works too though I'd avoid a shiny silk one.

A suit should always have a pocket square reguardless of the occasion. Yes, even interviews but that's my personal take.


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## GBR (Aug 10, 2005)

Yea without doubt


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## Acct2000 (Sep 24, 2005)

I would not recommend it; a funeral is for showing solidarity with the friends and relatives of the deceased, not for showing off sartorially. However, if you must, I would do a simple white linen square with a TV fold.


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## Bird's One View (Dec 31, 2007)

No square, or white linen in a plain fold. No color, no silk, no fancy fold.


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## Orgetorix (May 20, 2005)

A pocket square isn't showing off. It's just part of being dressed.

I agree--plain white, TV fold. I wore one to a memorial service last week with a charcoal suit, white shirt, and black tie with white dots.


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## Acct2000 (Sep 24, 2005)

Orgetorix said:


> A pocket square isn't showing off. It's just part of being dressed.
> 
> I agree--plain white, TV fold. I wore one to a memorial service last week with a charcoal suit, white shirt, and black tie with white dots.


Only to the 1% of the population that posts on these boards.


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## TRH (Sep 6, 2009)

I would say yes, but please keep it to a basic white linen in a barely visible TV-fold. That's what I wore at both my grandfathers' funerals.


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## egerland (Aug 18, 2008)

Thanks for the info. Fortunately I just received a white linen square from Hudson of Atlanta. Fast service, good prices.


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## CuffDaddy (Feb 26, 2009)

forsbergacct2000 said:


> Only to the 1% of the population that posts on these boards.


Bah. A plain, white fold is not showy. And it's highly functional at a funeral, where tears may be abundant.*

Is wearing a plain black tie to a funeral showy? What if it's a really _nice_ plain black tie? At what point does traditional, sober, respectful attire become "showing off"? Should the black shoes be slightly scuffed - is a mirror shine too flashy?

*Now, if you're sitting next to someone who is crying and you don't offer it on the grounds that it is "for showing, not blowing," then that _would_ be tacky in a funereal context.


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## JLibourel (Jun 13, 2004)

Agree that a plain white linen square is the best choice for a funeral. At one funeral I attended a few years back, the husband of the deceased, a fine old fellow, did not wear a tie but did have a square. Go figure.

However, I would not sacrifice a good linen square because someone was sniveling and weeping. A prudent gentleman should keep a couple of plain white cotton handkerchiefs on his person that he can bestow upon female mourners at need.


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## deanayer (Mar 30, 2008)

I wore a black silk in a TV fold with a black jacket at the last funeral I went to.
It was discreet and wasn't hanging out like a potted plant so I would say its OK if it isn't festive or garish. I hope it didn't look too Regis Philbin.


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## Svenn (Sep 10, 2009)

forsbergacct2000 said:


> I would not recommend it; a funeral is for showing solidarity with the friends and relatives of the deceased, not for showing off sartorially. However, if you must, I would do a simple white linen square with a TV fold.


I agree, fussing over what to wear to a funeral is perhaps the highest epitome of the neurosis of the human condition. I cannot imagine being so self-absorbed that I would replace an event designed to remind us of the transiency of life with an opportunity to fret over the most shallow aspect of my personality, my appearance. Then again, I don't believe in formalized funerals in a general sense, even atheistic ones have strong religious presumptions behind them... I much prefer the 'ol hike to his favorite lake and spread the ashes with the family type of deal.

Pocket squares are a nice addition that add a bit of pleasing harmony and gravitas, but much of the common populace see them as ostentatious, so they're best reserved for less somber occasions.


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## Mike Petrik (Jul 5, 2005)

JLibourel said:


> Agree that a plain white linen square is the best choice for a funeral. At one funeral I attended a few years back, the husband of the deceased, a fine old fellow, did not wear a tie but did have a square. Go figure.
> 
> However, I would not sacrifice a good linen square because someone was sniveling and weeping. A prudent gentleman should keep a couple of plain white cotton handkerchiefs on his person that he can bestow upon female mourners at need.


That is practical advice, but I wouldn't recommend it (except for the part about keeping a couple cotton handkerchiefs as back-up, which every gentleman should do pretty much at all times). One has few opportunities to demonstrate a bit of chivalry anymore, and for a gent to discreetly offer a good linen square from his jacket breast pocket to a lady who needs one is a tender moment that is worth every penny. While one can certainly do the same thing by digging into one's trousers, it really isn't the same.


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## Pr B (Jan 8, 2009)

*No*

I would say "no" in the same sense that I would not wear pinstripes to a funeral, and would recommend solid charcoal over solid navy. Those are appropriate for a wedding. A funeral is a time for sackcloth and ashes, not festivals. We do this out of respect for and in solidarity with the survivors. IMHO.


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## AlanC (Oct 28, 2003)

Orgetorix said:


> A pocket square isn't showing off. It's just part of being dressed.
> 
> I agree--plain white, TV fold. ...


+1

.....


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## David V (Sep 19, 2005)

I'm wearing a puff to mine.


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## CuffDaddy (Feb 26, 2009)

Pr B said:


> I would say "no" in the same sense that I would not wear pinstripes to a funeral, and would recommend solid charcoal over solid navy. Those are appropriate for a wedding. A funeral is a time for sackcloth and ashes, not festivals. We do this out of respect for and in solidarity with the survivors. IMHO.


Can you explain to me how a plain white handkerchief in a simple fold is "festival"? (Or, for that matter, how a solid navy suit is "festival"?)


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## dcjacobson (Jun 25, 2007)

I respectfully disagree with the posters who say white pocket square.

It should be _black_. Or, none at all.

Not a huge gaff, in my book, though.

Good luck,
Don


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## CuffDaddy (Feb 26, 2009)

What color do you think the shirt should be?


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## AlanC (Oct 28, 2003)

Here is my typical funeral attire. I'm often the one presiding. I don't think anyone would give any of it a second thought.


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## amplifiedheat (Jun 9, 2008)

I believe these photos settle the matter:
https://www.smh.com.au/ffximage/2006/09/20/patriciakennedylawford_wideweb__470x381,0.jpg


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## Cruiser (Jul 21, 2006)

I don't know many guys who wear pocket squares, but the ones I do know wear them all the time. They don't wear them for certain occasions and not for others. Same with French cuffs and cuff links.

Cruiser


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## mbebeau (Feb 6, 2009)

Generally, I think that being in attendance and in somber attire to remember a loved one is the most important factor in funeral dress.....so, if a PS doesn't detract from a conservative appearance, I don't think it would be a major issue. 

That said, if you are planning on attending a service in the near future, I am sorry for your loss.


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## deanayer (Mar 30, 2008)

Svenn said:


> I agree, fussing over what to wear to a funeral is perhaps the highest epitome of the neurosis of the human condition. I cannot imagine being so self-absorbed that I would replace an event designed to remind us of the transiency of life with an opportunity to fret over the most shallow aspect of my personality, my appearance. Then again, I don't believe in formalized funerals in a general sense, even atheistic ones have strong religious presumptions behind them... I much prefer the 'ol hike to his favorite lake and spread the ashes with the family type of deal.
> 
> Pocket squares are a nice addition that add a bit of pleasing harmony and gravitas, but much of the common populace see them as ostentatious, so they're best reserved for less somber occasions.


Nobody is talking about fussing over what to wear here, its just pop in a square or not. For many here the square is in the pocket all the time and they wouldn't be recognized without it - its who they are, its not an act. I think far ruder would be to go casual to a funeral as if it wasn't worth the time to dress appropriately.

You think dressing nicely is the shallowest aspect of your personality? And the "common populace" sees them as ostentatious? I dont mix guilt with style so you lost me. These are your issues and you are mapping them onto the rest of the world. Dressing somber and dressing up in a somber fashion is part of paying your respects to the deceased. Showing up in street clothes (unless you are forced to coming from work - which is fine) when you have a chance to change is disrespectful.

I dont view the funeral as an event to remind me of the transiency of life, I go to say goodbye to someone and celebrate their life with the rest of the living who are remaining and I dress for the occasion - somberly, the same way I dress for their christening or wedding etc. Its just the last in a series of formal events focussed on one person, thats why it isn't festive but it certainly is formal.


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## Mike Petrik (Jul 5, 2005)

dcjacobson said:


> I respectfully disagree with the posters who say white pocket square.
> 
> It should be _black_. Or, none at all.
> 
> ...


Black? This seems the worst possible choice. It is both deliberate and unattractive. Black neck tie, sure; black pocket square, no. More appropriate for clubbing than funerals. Can you imagine Reagan or Kennedy with a black pocket square? I agree with CuffDaddy. A white linen square is hardly celebratory; it is just finished dress, like polished shoes.


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## tda003 (Aug 16, 2009)

I see no harm in a pocket square at a funeral. There is a certain gallantry in offering that square to a mourner. The gesture is certainly worth the expense, IMHO. If it bothers you to offer linen, a fine cotton will work. I've never considered myself the center of attention at a funeral (one day of course, I shall be), so I don't give much thought to these things. I, rather, try to be where I'm needed for those grieving. Furthermore, pocket squares are not permanently attached. You can certainly remove it if upon arrival it appears inappropriate for that particular occasion. Just my thoughts.


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## Sean1982 (Sep 7, 2009)

Of course I do and would wear one, not showy at all. Plain white, plain fold.


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## mrkleen (Sep 21, 2007)

Sean1982 said:


> Of course I do and would wear one, not showy at all. Plain white, plain fold.


That is the only kind I ever wear....white linen, tv fold.

Anything more than a simple display is distasteful imo.


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## Blueboy1938 (Aug 17, 2008)

*I wonder . . .*



CuffDaddy said:


> A plain, white fold is not showy. And it's highly functional at a funeral, where tears may be abundant.
> 
> *Now, if you're sitting next to someone who is crying and you don't offer it on the grounds that it is "for showing, not blowing," then that _would_ be tacky in a funereal context.


. . . what the appropriate protocol is regarding what consequently becomes instantly a handkerchief upon being so proffered. Does one accept it back? If so, does one place it in an inside pocket, since it is now no longer presentable as a pocket square? Or, to avoid a damp chest, does one thrust it into an outside pocket, but out of sight?

Should one just insist that the recipient keep the used article? If the recipient offers to return it, laundered, should one divulge one's address?

Personally, I would not wear a handkerchief as a pocket square, or anything else in the breast pocket of my coat. I would carry a couple of nice, crisp, white handkerchiefs in inside pockets, just in case. Since they would be cotton, as I find linen not particularly absorbent, I would probably insist that the tearful recipient keep the used handkerchief and decline to give my address for its return, unless . . . . . . .:devil:


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## deanayer (Mar 30, 2008)

Blueboy1928 - the typical move is you have a pocket square and also a clean cotton or linen handkerchief in your pocket (like the good old days). If a woman needs one you give the one in your pocket to them as long as it is completely perfectly clean and then you wave goodbye to it forever with the simple phrase "please keep it". Since its normally a trivial expense its considered about the same as handing someone some tissues. 

If you give a woman your pocket square either out of desperation or for whatever reason that too is generally consider gone for good so dont offer it if you cant stand to lose it.

Emergency back-up plan: get a packet of those travel sized kleenex and offer up the pack. If they ask for the pocket square (someplace other than a funeral) and you dont want to give it up say "Its just a bit of silk attached to a piece of cardboard, they sell them at Mens Warehouse otherwise I would" then walk away sheepishly like your cover has been blown.


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## deanayer (Mar 30, 2008)

Cruiser said:


> I don't know many guys who wear pocket squares, but the ones I do know wear them all the time. They don't wear them for certain occasions and not for others. Same with French cuffs and cuff links.
> 
> Cruiser


Cruiser and I agree with each other !!

...how do I print this page?


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## upnorth (Jun 18, 2007)

mrkleen said:


> That is the only kind I ever wear....white linen, tv fold.


This! or none at all.


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## Orgetorix (May 20, 2005)

Orgetorix said:


> A pocket square isn't showing off. It's just part of being dressed.
> 
> I agree--plain white, TV fold. I wore one to a memorial service last week with a charcoal suit, white shirt, and black tie with white dots.





forsbergacct2000 said:


> Only to the 1% of the population that posts on these boards.


I know a number of men who wear a pocket square every time they're in a suit, and none of them post on these boards.


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## Blueboy1938 (Aug 17, 2008)

*It's 1938, and . . .*



deanayer said:


> Blueboy1928 - the typical move is you have a pocket square and also a clean cotton or linen handkerchief in your pocket (like the good old days). If a woman needs one you give the one in your pocket to them as long as it is completely perfectly clean and then you wave goodbye to it forever with the simple phrase "please keep it". Since its normally a trivial expense its considered about the same as handing someone some tissues.
> 
> If you give a woman your pocket square either out of desperation or for whatever reason that too is generally consider gone for good so dont offer it if you cant stand to lose it.
> 
> Emergency back-up plan: get a packet of those travel sized kleenex and offer up the pack. If they ask for the pocket square (someplace other than a funeral) and you dont want to give it up say "Its just a bit of silk attached to a piece of cardboard, they sell them at Mens Warehouse otherwise I would" then walk away sheepishly like your cover has been blown.


. . . I'll stick with my plan.


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## Mike Petrik (Jul 5, 2005)

Blueboy1938 said:


> . . . what the appropriate protocol is regarding what consequently becomes instantly a handkerchief upon being so proffered. Does one accept it back? If so, does one place it in an inside pocket, since it is now no longer presentable as a pocket square? Or, to avoid a damp chest, does one thrust it into an outside pocket, but out of sight?
> 
> Should one just insist that the recipient keep the used article? If the recipient offers to return it, laundered, should one divulge one's address?
> 
> Personally, I would not wear a handkerchief as a pocket square, or anything else in the breast pocket of my coat. I would carry a couple of nice, crisp, white handkerchiefs in inside pockets, just in case. Since they would be cotton, as I find linen not particularly absorbent, I would probably insist that the tearful recipient keep the used handkerchief and decline to give my address for its return, unless . . . . . . .:devil:


Good lord, it's easy. If offered accept it and place it in your trousers pocket.


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## LTM (Oct 15, 2009)

*Some do, some don't*

I have noticed that at the funerals of royals, presidents etc, some of the dignitaries do wear a white square, but others don't. So I would say it is a matter of individual taste.


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## Acct2000 (Sep 24, 2005)

Orgetorix said:


> I know a number of men who wear a pocket square every time they're in a suit, and none of them post on these boards.


I wear a pocket square almost every time I wear a sport coat or a suit.

Since few others, at least in Michigan, wear them, I personally would not wear it to a funeral; it could attract attention. Believe me, I don't go around to funerals forcibly removing pocket squares or anything. If you want to wear one, wear it. If it's likely to be a situation where you are the only one wearing it, you might want to reconsider.


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## The Louche (Jan 30, 2008)

ToryBoy said:


> Personally, no; however, as already mentioned, a white square fold should be fine.
> 
> The other exception is probably if it was a colourful funeral, then a fancy Duchamp pocket square would be appropriate.





forsbergacct2000 said:


> I would not recommend it; a funeral is for showing solidarity with the friends and relatives of the deceased, not for showing off sartorially. However, if you must, I would do a simple white linen square with a TV fold.





Orgetorix said:


> A pocket square isn't showing off. It's just part of being dressed.
> 
> I agree--plain white, TV fold. I wore one to a memorial service last week with a charcoal suit, white shirt, and black tie with white dots.


I agree with all these statements. I am a hardcore pocket square guy; funerals are the only place I don't wear one. While its traditional and part and parcel to proper mens' dress, theres simply too much of a chance someone will interpret it as attention whoring and funerals are a bad place for that...


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## Cruiser (Jul 21, 2006)

Pocket squares aren't the issue, it's one's overall attire. A funeral calls for tasteful and dignified attire. Just because you wouldn't wear your flashy Christmas sweater or bright multi-colored "fun" socks to a funeral doesn't mean that you can't wear a sweater or socks. You just select a sweater and socks that are more in line with the occasion, in this case a funeral. Same with the pocket square.

Here are a couple of pics of notables at funerals.



















Cruiser


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## Acct2000 (Sep 24, 2005)

I'll say that these are famous people who will attract attention no matter what they wear. 

I'll also say that there are far worse sartorial sins than wearing a subdued pocket square to a funeral. I just say that if you are the only one wearing a square, you could attract attention that is properly directed elsewhere. Obviously, in circles where almost everyone wears them (if they exist) this would not be the case.


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## CuffDaddy (Feb 26, 2009)

Blueboy, it's not difficult to manage a soiled handkerchief. Simply re-fold the item so that the soiled/damp portion is in the middle and surrounded by clean and dry fabric.


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## CuffDaddy (Feb 26, 2009)

Mike Petrik said:


> Good lord, it's easy. If offered accept it and place it in your trousers pocket.


Amen.

You know, if I didn't know better, I'd think that some men had never actually offered a handkerchief to another human being.


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## TMMKC (Aug 2, 2007)

Agree with previous posters...plain white linen in a TV fold. Better yet, go with an inexpensive cotton model. Cautionary tale....

Several years ago I was wearing one to a funeral and it got snatched from my pocket by my weeping sister (who is never short on finding opportunities to be overly-dramatic, BTW). She wiped her eyes, I think blew her nose and had the nerve to ask if I wanted it back. "Keep it...that's okay," was the response.


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## Cruiser (Jul 21, 2006)

TMMKC said:


> She wiped her eyes, I think blew her nose and had the nerve to ask if I wanted it back. "Keep it...that's okay," was the response.


The way I look at it, with the regular flu, swine flu, bird flu, and who knows what other kind of flu is out there, if someone even looks hard at my handkerchief I don't want it back. :icon_smile:

Cruiser


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## AlanC (Oct 28, 2003)

TMMKC said:


> Agree with previous posters...plain white linen in a TV fold. Better yet, *go with an inexpensive cotton model*.


:idea:

This is a very good idea. I may employ this in the future.


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## dcjacobson (Jun 25, 2007)

> Black? This seems the worst possible choice. It is both deliberate and unattractive. Black neck tie, sure; black pocket square, no. More appropriate for clubbing than funerals.


I will stick with my original advice for black, or a subdued color. It is deliberate. Whether attractive or not, that's not the point. Funerals are not about YOU.

Look at the last scenes in the original Ocean's 11 picture. Cesar Romero has a black simple fold. Dean Martin has a black pocket square. Some of the others had what looks to be dark grey. They knew how to do it.

It isn't that big of a deal, really.


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## 127.72 MHz (Feb 16, 2007)

AlanC said:


> Here is my typical funeral attire. I'm often the one presiding. I don't think anyone would give any of it a second thought.


I agree, no one would give it a second thought because the way you're dressed in this image isn't about you. You're clean and squared away. But nothing about you is flashy or draws attention,...Funerals are about *respect.* Respect for those who've passed and the loved loved ones who are left behind.

The same is true with the images of Bobby Kennedy and Ron Reagan.


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## CuffDaddy (Feb 26, 2009)

Using the original Ocean's Eleven for funeral attire guidelines? Are you serious?


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## eHaberdasher (May 5, 2006)

egerland said:


> What say you? Yea or nay?


I say yay, and did so just this past Saturday. And as a matter of fact it did come in handy and proved useful.


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## DCLawyer68 (Jun 1, 2009)

Orgetorix said:


> A pocket square isn't showing off. It's just part of being dressed.
> 
> I agree--plain white, TV fold. I wore one to a memorial service last week with a charcoal suit, white shirt, and black tie with white dots.


This is my view as well. A simple white square (cotton, linen) is part of a well turned out suit - not an attempt at style. It's no more inappropriate to me than having your shirt adequately pressed and your tie well knotted.

We're not talking about a splashy paisley silk or something similar, which I couldn't imagine wearing to ANY funeral.


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## Cruiser (Jul 21, 2006)

DCLawyer68 said:


> A simple white square (cotton, linen) is part of a well turned out suit - not an attempt at style. It's no more inappropriate to me than having your shirt adequately pressed and your tie well knotted.


That's pretty much what I have been saying and it's interesting because I don't wear pocket squares. I have some white cotton handkerchiefs but I've never folded one and stuck it in my breast pocket. And that is the subject of this post.

Even though I don't wear them, people around me do and the truth is that I've never given it a second thought one way or the other. Unless they have some flashy, big puffy fold or something like that I usually don't even notice them. I think that this is just one more of those things that clothing enthusiasts and hobbyists nit pick and haggle over but is basically a non-issue to most others.

It's like debating open vs. closed lacing in shoes that are worn with a suit. Clothing enthusiasts can go on endlessly over whether you should or shouldn't in this or that situation when in reality about the only people who even know what you are talking about are other clothing enthusiasts.

Speaking purely about non hard core clothing enthusiasts, I think suit wearing men either wear pocket squares or they don't without regard for where or why they are wearing a suit. If they wear them, then they wear them to a funeral; and if they don't wear them, they don't wear them to a funeral. I think that the fact that it is a funeral doesn't generally factor in to this equation. This is territory most often reserved for enthusiasts such as frequent a forum like this.

Cruiser


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