# would you, could you, marry her?



## zegnamtl (Apr 19, 2005)

I had dinner with a colleague this past weekend and could not help but wonder....could you marry her? 
Now, I am not in the market and she is just a collegue and acquittance!!

She is bright, beautiful and funny.

As we ate, she would wipe her plate with her fingers and lick them,
she needed to change her place setting twice during dinner, played in her food while telling great and funny stories, spilled her wine once and her water once, she took at least three phone calls.

I know she is always like this, I have seen her at events many times.
She was not on good behavior or bad for this dinner.


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## crs (Dec 30, 2004)

zegnamtl said:


> she would wipe her plate with her fingers and lick them


You could have thrown a dinner roll to her.


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## mclean5 (May 16, 2006)

What awful table manners! Still, I might marry her (if I weren't already married), depending on a million other variables.

One of the nice (and awful) things about marriage is that it's a work in progress.  If two people don't intend to change their lives after marriage, doing things that make no sense to them but which please their partner, they'll miss half of what marriage is about. Your dinner displayed an "I love you, dear, but . . . ." example.


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## TheSaint (Jun 28, 2005)

Yes, table manners are interesting. Depends on the restaurant and date or business dinner. For a date, give me a very casual restaurant (jeans) serving up 2 inch thick filet mignon steak with a 3 pound lobster chaser and I jumping in my plate also. For business, she would be embarrasing eating at Le Cirque or other mega 5/6 Star restaurant especially if you are entertaining a client.

For a date though, she sounds like a lot of fun especially if she is bright, beautiful and funny. Just being herself. Would rather date/marry someone who is real rather than a pretentious fake attitude.

Cheers
TheSaint


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## Wayfarer (Mar 19, 2006)

Unless she's an on-call healthcare provider or the like, taking cell phone calls would be a deal breaker for me. The other stuff one could probably live with.


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## JLibourel (Jun 13, 2004)

No, I could not marry her. Might be fun to have a fling with, but the thought of being yoked forever to such an egregiously boorish woman would be a deal-breaker.

Unless the woman is an absolute ragaholic or raving psycho (and I have been married to such), bitchiness and foul temper are at least intermittent in most women, but boorishness and bad taste are constant.


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## crs (Dec 30, 2004)

Unless, of course, she was licking her fingers in a playful, erotic way ...


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## Gong Tao Jai (Jul 7, 2005)

If I dated someone like that, the embarrassment and grating aggravation of dealing with her boorish and inconsiderate manners would prevent me from ever getting to the stage of considering marriage.


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## burnedandfrozen (Mar 11, 2004)

It's really simple. Just explain to those looking at her do these things by saying "Sorry for the spectical folks, but Betty here was raised by wolves."


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## The Gabba Goul (Feb 11, 2005)

I've always regarded myself as "not the marry'n type"...but a very good female friend of mine (who is very much like the girl you described) told me that she thinks I should eventually...for whatever reason this really stuck with me...so I got to thinking which type of woman would I marry if that day ever came...

I seem to date either the stereotypical "dumb blondes" with big amounts of expendable cash and even bigger appetites for destruction (but that's topic of another conversation)...or the Latin _mamacitas_ who are actually almost always really truly great, thoughtful, and loving women once you get beyond the strictly carnal stage of the relationship, unfortunately, once you get beyond that stage, they are usually looking to start it up again...with someone else...plus, I find that both of those groups have alot in common, they are both somewhat emotionally unavailable, and completely love to take advantage...sooooo I dont see any kind of long term future with either of those types...then I go back to my friend who told me this, as I said, she's very much like the girl you described, I thought about it some more, when I first started hanging around with her, I often told her that if she wasnt involved, I'd ask her out...now, I wouldnt dream of it because her and I are such good friends, I wouldnt want to do anything to jeopardize that...but perhaps if I found another like her...perhaps this would be a girl that, in spite of everything, might be "the one"...

...so the short answer to your question...yes...a person's so called "faults" are what make them unique...


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## 16128 (Feb 8, 2005)

A woman's perspective:

You can "fix" something as small as table manners, and if you don't, it's your fault for letting her dine like a cavewoman. 

Bright, beautiful and funny? Hard to come by! Clumsy eatin', an unfortunate wardrobe, etc.. are equivalent to a science project.


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## TheSaint (Jun 28, 2005)

*3's*

VS,

Well said!! You can work with that.
Bright, Beautiful & Funny...Usually don't come in 3's like that.

Cheers
TheSaint


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## ksinc (May 30, 2005)

zegnamtl said:


> I had dinner with a colleague this past weekend and could not help but wonder....could you marry her?
> Now, I am not in the market and she is just a collegue and acquittance!!
> 
> She is bright, beautiful and funny.
> ...


This thread is pointless without a picture! LOL


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## Martinis at 8 (Apr 14, 2006)

VS said:


> A woman's perspective:
> 
> You can "fix" something as small as table manners, and if you don't, it's your fault for letting her dine like a cavewoman.
> 
> Bright, beautiful and funny? Hard to come by! Clumsy eatin', an unfortunate wardrobe, etc.. are equivalent to a science project.


Notice how now it's your fault, and not the woman's


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## rnoldh (Apr 22, 2006)

JLibourel said:


> No, I could not marry her. Might be fun to have a fling with, but the thought of being yoked forever to such an egregiously boorish woman would be a deal-breaker.
> 
> Unless the woman is an absolute ragaholic or raving psycho (and I have been married to such), bitchiness and foul temper are at least intermittent in most women, but boorishness and bad taste are constant.


Extremely well put JLibourel

There are many things that you can do with such a woman that are a lot of fun and don't include marriage!


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## 16128 (Feb 8, 2005)

Martinis at 8 said:


> Notice how now it's your fault, and not the woman's


She may not realize she's doing it, so if you love her, you'll gently correct.

To use a different example, if you're going out with a long, straggling ear hair, it's your wife's fault for letting you be seen with that bugger. Because surely if you'd noticed that, you'd snip it.


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## BertieW (Jan 17, 2006)

I would not. Maybe 20 years ago, but not today.


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## Relayer (Nov 9, 2005)

I agree, for the most part, with VS.

She's a fixer-upper, but sounds like a great investment!


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## eagle2250 (Mar 24, 2006)

zegnamtl said:


> I had dinner with a colleague this past weekend and could not help but wonder....could you marry her? She is bright, beautiful and funny.
> 
> As we ate, she would wipe her plate with her fingers and lick them,
> she needed to change her place setting twice during dinner, played in her food while telling great and funny stories, spilled her wine once and her water once, she took at least three phone calls.


Have you ever been to the cafeteria at many of our major universities or in a military chow hall...sounds like pretty common behavoir for some age groups. Just correct the table manners and then marry her!


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## The Gabba Goul (Feb 11, 2005)

eagle2250 said:


> Just correct the table manners and then marry her!


but perhaps "correcting" such a thing may make her lose some of her charm...I mean as long as she knows how to act when it really counts, that's all that matters...like I said, little carachter flaws or quirks or whatever are what make everybody unique...A story that is frequently laughed at by the girl whom I know that's like the one described and I is about a trip we took to the city one night, by the end of the evening we were sitting in her friend's living room, both so drunk it was a chore to even order a pizza...by the time the food came she was in no shape to eat, so here's sonny, holding her hair for her while she's...well...I'll spare you all the details...the next morning we're driving out of the city, and she's still feeling ill, so I grab a movado shopping bag out of my trunk, anyway...we learned that day that Movado bags werent water-tight...now many people would be so mad that they'd never call her again...but I thought being able to see the "real her" or whatever was pretty cool, and was pretty honored that she was comfortable enough around me that she didnt feel embarassed to act that way...

so perhaps what one person understands to be rude or classless or whatever, is nothing more than her showing you that she feels close enough to you that she doesnt feel she needs to act a certain way or whatever...


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## Andy (Aug 25, 2002)

zegnamtl:

E-mail her this:

https://askandyaboutclothes.com/Lifestyle/proper_table_manners.htm


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## crs (Dec 30, 2004)

You could say to the waitperson, "And the lady will have the chicken marsala served in a trough."


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## lawgman (Mar 28, 2005)

We all have bad habbits, issues, baggage, etc. People fall in love regardless.


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## JLibourel (Jun 13, 2004)

VS said:


> A woman's perspective:
> 
> You can "fix" something as small as table manners, and if you don't, it's your fault for letting her dine like a cavewoman.
> 
> Bright, beautiful and funny? Hard to come by! Clumsy eatin', an unfortunate wardrobe, etc.. are equivalent to a science project.


I think this is a major male-female difference. Women are always trying to make over their men into something else. Men are much more inclined to endure their women the way they are!


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## ksinc (May 30, 2005)

What is that old saying?

Women marry a man hoping to change him,
Men marry a woman hoping she will never change;
both are usually wrong.


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## 16128 (Feb 8, 2005)

JLibourel said:


> I think this is a major male-female difference. Women are always trying to make over their men into something else. Men are much more inclined to endure their women the way they are!


Well, there are some things you should never try to change about someone else and others which are up for negotiation.

It'd be a shame to discover that you lost the chance to wed your dream woman because you chewed with your mouth open or talked on your cell phone during dinner, wouldn't it?


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## The Gabba Goul (Feb 11, 2005)

VS said:


> Well, there are some things you should never try to change about someone else and others which are up for negotiation.
> 
> It'd be a shame to discover that you lost the chance to wed your dream woman because you chewed with your mouth open or talked on your cell phone during dinner, wouldn't it?


But if she's "the one" shouldnt she accept him for who he is???


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## TheSaint (Jun 28, 2005)

The Gabba Goul said:


> but perhaps "correcting" such a thing may make her lose some of her charm...I mean as long as she knows how to act when it really counts, that's all that matters...like I said, little carachter flaws or quirks or whatever are what make everybody unique...A story that is frequently laughed at by the girl whom I know that's like the one described and I is about a trip we took to the city one night, by the end of the evening we were sitting in her friend's living room, both so drunk it was a chore to even order a pizza...by the time the food came she was in no shape to eat, so here's sonny, holding her hair for her while she's...well...I'll spare you all the details...the next morning we're driving out of the city, and she's still feeling ill, so I grab a movado shopping bag out of my trunk, anyway...we learned that day that Movado bags werent water-tight...now many people would be so mad that they'd never call her again...but I thought being able to see the "real her" or whatever was pretty cool, and was pretty honored that she was comfortable enough around me that she didnt feel embarassed to act that way...
> 
> so perhaps what one person understands to be rude or classless or whatever, is nothing more than her showing you that she feels close enough to you that she doesnt feel she needs to act a certain way or whatever...


Gabba Shoots......He Scores!!


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## khakuda (Oct 20, 2006)

*Enjoyable post*

Keep this one going people, it is quite the enjoyable post. We need to encourage Gabba Goul to keep dating and relaying the funny stories before he marries his friend :icon_smile_wink:


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## Beresford (Mar 30, 2006)

At a dinner at the end of a legal colloquium, I once sat next to a brilliant law professor from one of the country's top law schools. Very well known. Won't mention his name because those of you who are lawyers would know of him, and I don't want to embarrass him. 

Probably the smartest guy I have ever met. His mind was going several hundred rpms faster than anyone else in the room. Witty, great conversationalist on virtually anything.

And then he started eating his salad with his fingers, dressing and all. I couldn't believe it.


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## Mr. Chatterbox (May 1, 2005)

Did you marry him?


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## burnedandfrozen (Mar 11, 2004)

I have a co-worker who recently broke up with her boyfriend. Since then she has cranked up the flirting dial a notch or two when she's around me and even a mutual friend mentioned to me that she thinks Gloria is interested in me.

However, Gloria uses language that would make a sailor blush. That alone is a deal breaker for me despite the fact that Gloria is quite the hottie. Besides, right now she has low self esteem and her flirting is just to make her feel better about herself. Never be the rebound guy for this reason. It never lasts.


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## Briguy (Aug 29, 2005)

burnedandfrozen said:


> Never be the rebound guy for this reason. It never lasts.


Looking at the glass being half full, might it not be a good thing to be the rebound guy for this very reason???


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## guitone (Mar 20, 2005)

The phone answering is the biggest problem, the table manners, well, while maybe not as great as you would like, was it disgusting....I am very close to someone who eats off of my plate, can eat and converse with people and you never notice the eating part....if she is beautiful, smart and funny that is a good start.


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## globetrotter (Dec 30, 2004)

table manners are extremly important to me. this would be a hard call, it would take me years to learn to get past it, I think. 


when I am traveling, I often eat with my fingers, in places where that is the norm. it can get pretty nasty looking, but it has its pluses, too.


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## 16128 (Feb 8, 2005)

I know a guy who would be a real catch if I had someone to introduce him to... but he chews with his mouth open. It's really disconcerting.

Catch 22 - it's uncomfortable to watch, and uncomfortable to "school" someone.

If I did that, lord, I'd want someone to tell me so I could fix it.


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## Wayfarer (Mar 19, 2006)

burnedandfrozen said:


> I have a co-worker who recently broke up with her boyfriend. Since then she has cranked up the flirting dial a notch or two when she's around me and even a mutual friend mentioned to me that she thinks Gloria is interested in me.
> 
> However, Gloria uses language that would make a sailor blush. That alone is a deal breaker for me despite the fact that Gloria is quite the hottie. Besides, right now she has low self esteem and her flirting is just to make her feel better about herself. Never be the rebound guy for this reason. It never lasts.


The dealbreaker here is one word: "co-worker". Other than that, what is the problem over it not lasting?


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## mano (Mar 17, 2003)

People who marry someone "in spite of their faults" or because they somehow believe their love can overcome an annoyance or a "unique personality trait" help keep marriage counsellors in business.

Very often, traits and behavior that are endurable today become unendurable years later.

Opposites may attract, but they tend to repel as time passes.


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## The Gabba Goul (Feb 11, 2005)

mano said:


> People who marry someone "in spite of their faults" or because they somehow believe their love can overcome an annoyance or a "unique personality trait" help keep marriage counsellors in business.
> 
> Very often, traits and behavior that are endurable today become unendurable years later.
> 
> Opposites may attract, but they tend to repel as time passes.


hmmmm...I beg to differ...I think the same argument could be made about marrying somebody who is just like you...as i said...we all have quirks...and perhaps it's just me...but it seems to me that one's own quirks seem to be the most annoying...I dunno...I dont think there is any one perfect formula...just whatever works for you...


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## mano (Mar 17, 2003)

The Gabba Goul said:


> hmmmm...I beg to differ...I think the same argument could be made about marrying somebody who is just like you...as i said...we all have quirks...and perhaps it's just me...but it seems to me that one's own quirks seem to be the most annoying...I dunno...I dont think there is any one perfect formula...just whatever works for you...


I'm basing this on years of experience as a child & family psychologist, and the experiences of my colleagues. A stereotyped, but accurate example is a man (a conservative engineer of Israeli heritage) who is not very in touch with his emotions but is stable and logical. He falls in love with a woman (a liberal real estate agent of Italian heritage) who is emotional, vivacious, spontaneous and a bit frivolous. She introduces a new wonderful side to life he never knew. She falls in love with him because she now has a strong man upon whom she can depend and never worry. Their sex life is fantastic and everyone thinks they're a great couple.

Fast forward 10 years. They're in marriage counseling because he's irritated she "Spends money reckelessly, she went out and bought new place settings when we already have three. She gets emotional about everything and I can never count on her to follow through with what she says. She's changes jobs every year or two so she never develops a career." She's pissed because "He's so controling, he criticizes everything I do because it's never the right way. He's not affectionate any more. I can't even spend $20 for adorable place settings I've always wanted. He tried to force me to stay in real estate but I hated it." The more she tries to "communicate" and get close to him, the more he feels overwhelmed by her so he backs away. Their sex life stinks and nobody wants to be around them because they bicker so much.

It's rare people marry someone "just like you" because we do have our own quirks. But marriage is generally more successful when people who marry someone with similar values, sensibilities, outlook on life, and who have compatible goals.


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## The Gabba Goul (Feb 11, 2005)

mano said:


> It's rare people marry someone "just like you" because we do have our own quirks. But marriage is generally more successful when people who marry someone with similar values, sensibilities, outlook on life, and who have compatible goals.


Point well taken, but,perhaps we're comparing apples to oranges here...I'm talking about personality traits, not values...I think there is a big difference between a spouse whom makes big decisions (changing jobs, etc...) without first talking it over with you, and a spouse whom isnt afraid to eat with her hands in front of you...perhaps I was being too general, I'm referencing little personality traits more than anything else. I could deffinately understand that a person would become very tired of a woman whom is completely unpredictable, but at the same time, I think (and I'm no trained psychologist...just a fan of women :icon_smile_wink that a woman who is always "on", that is to say has to always use proper manners, and tries to show you how "perfect" she is would become just as tiresome...


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## Don Goldstein (Dec 25, 2005)

JLibourel said:


> No, I could not marry her. Might be fun to have a fling with, but the thought of being yoked forever to such an egregiously boorish woman would be a deal-breaker.
> 
> Unless the woman is an absolute ragaholic or raving psycho (and I have been married to such), bitchiness and foul temper are at least intermittent in most women, but boorishness and bad taste are constant.


Jan - I always enjoy your posts!


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## JLibourel (Jun 13, 2004)

Thanks for the kind comments, Don. Let us hope that our paths cross one of these days! I do have a lot of fun in Andyland and just hope I don't annoy too many people!


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## kabert (Feb 6, 2004)

Table manners are something that is learned over the years (ideally in youth, but not always, as in her case). Personality, intelligence, looks, an upbeat outlook on life (confidence, cheerfulness, etc.) -- those things one is more or less born with. I can think of some acquaintenances who, for example, dress shabbily or who use a knife and fork with the adeptness a 6-year old, yet... they are smart, fun to be around, and so on. 

No woman is perfect, nor is any man. But, if you find someone who has personality, intelligence, looks, and life -- you're assured that life will be smoother as a married couple because of it. Of course, having a wife who both has money and is thrifty is a good thing too.


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## Martinis at 8 (Apr 14, 2006)

VS said:


> She may not realize she's doing it, so if you love her, you'll gently correct...


Oh right! Just call me Professor Higgins


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