Every "Critique My MTM Suit" Thread/William Tell Overture

Charles Dana

Honors Member
WARNING: If you do not like long posts and/or my silly song parodies, you'll really want to skip this post right...now.

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Ten years ago, the comedienne Anita Renfroe condensed, into song lyrics, the typical things a typical mom would say to her children in a 24-hour period. Her lyrics are sung to the tune of Gioachino Rossini's William Tell Overture Finale. (Ms. Renfroe's delightful performance of her "Mom Song" is easy to find on You Tube and is worth a look.)

Inspired by Ms. Renfroe (meaning, I stole her idea), I decided to condense, into one song, every "Critique My MTM Suit" thread that has appeared in this forum over the years. I created lyrics of my own but, as Ms. Renfroe did, have conformed them to the melody of the William Tell Overture Finale.

Here are the lyrics I came up with. (Because the following is a song, it will sometimes be hard to get the rhythm correct while reading the lyrics. However, they do fit the melody of the Finale--more or less.) And I've taken poetic license: this "Critique My MTM Suit" story has a happy ending, unlike so many of the real-life dramas that inspired it.

CRITIQUE MY MTM SUIT
Sung to the tune of the William Tell Overture Finale by Gioachino Rossini

Bought a suit
Bought a suit
Bought a brand-new suit.
MTM
Chinese made.
Not a lot of loot.
Modern fit.
What I like.
Guys how does it look.
Would you PLEASE
Critique my custom suit.

How's the front
And the back
And the button stance.
How's the seat
And the rise
Will you take a glance.
Do you need further pics
I can give you more.

I'll supply
Whatever you ask for.

"The jacket's way too short; it doesn't even cover up your rear.
"Each shoulder is too wide and that's a problem that can't be really fixed I fear.
"Your pants look like they're falling down and slowly squeezing your man parts to death.
"They're clinging to your legs like Spandex--I'm not wasting breath.

"Your sleeveheads
"Have divots
"And each sleeve
"Is way too short.

"The leg hems
"Are too long
"I'm sorry
"That's my report."

Thanks a lot
But you're wrong
It just needs a tweak.
It was made
Carefully
For my slim physique.
Just a nip
And a tuck
That is all I seek.

So good-bye.
I've let you have your peek.

"There's an 'X'
"On the front
"At the button stance
"And the stance
"By the way
"Doesn't stand a chance.
"It's too high
"That's the truth
"That's no song and dance

"So thumbs down
"On your coat and pants."

Clothing salesmen SPENT
A lot of time with me
Telling me
They knew how
I could get a fit that's right.

Now I hear you SAY
It doesn't fit at all.
You say
I'm screwed
The suit is way too tight.

"Oh my gosh.
"Oh my gosh.
"You're going down a rocky road.
"How do you expect to learn
"When
"Your
"Mind's
"Closed."

"Please accept our help today.
"Don't
"Be
"This
"Way."

I'm gonna KEEP THE SUIT
No matter what you say.
I still
Like it.
I guess
It stays.

"Well that's a BIG MISTAKE
"That's my advice today.
"Heed me. If you're smart.
"And that I think should settle that."

But I need it for a wedding I've been invited to ten days from now.
Don't insist it should be re-done 'cause I'm telling you I really see no way or how
I could have it by the wedding date but thanks for posting anyhow.
The suit's not tailored for my dad; the flaws it has are not so bad.

"It's your call
"Though I tell you
"It's something
"You shouldn't wear.
"The suit's wrong
"For you, sir.
"You do
"Look like a pear."

"See the vent
"In the back
"See how much it splays.
"Your lapels
"Buckle out
"There's not much to praise.
"I can't wait
"For the end
"Of the 'short, tight' craze.
"I DESPISE
"The cut of suits these days."

"Can you breathe?
"Can you bend?
"Can you take a walk?
"Can you dance?
"Can you sit?
"Can you even talk?
"Can you see
"How your suit
"Is a piece of schlock?"--

--STOP THERE! YOU KNOW WHAT?
I LIKE IT!
And furthermore, I'll keep it
Even THOUGH
I cannot MOVE
And have to STAND
Still as a BOARD
And hold my BREATH
And pray I never ever gain one teensy weensy itsy bitsy ounce!

Oh sure
I want to BE
Comfy
I'd like
To WALK
In a suit
That really fits me RIGHT
That isn't TIGHT
That flatters ME
That nicely DRAPES--
Oh great the back seam of my pants has just split open wide.

"Fold it up
"Send it in
"Get your money back.
"Here's a box
"Take it please
"And we'll help you pack."

"From now on:
"Off the rack."

OHHHHHHHH--Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!

Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry!

I'll never use long-distance MTM again no matter how much longer I may live!

I've learned a lot from you!

Thank you!

Adieu!
 

Peak and Pine

Connoisseur
WARNING: If you do not like long posts and/or my silly song parodies, you'll really want to skip this post .
.Can I split? Love the parodies, hate long posts.

However, since I've little knowledge of opera (but I do have knowledge of utter and complete distaste which is why I have no knowledge of opera) I'm thinking the William Tell thing is the same as the Lone Ranger theme on long-ago, boyhood-listening radio. So I read the whole thing in time to that. Out loud. (Stands up) Bravo. Clap, clap, clap. (Sits down) (In a sitz bath)(Not really, but it rhymed.)

I'm thinking of starting a thread on sitz baths, not only because I love the name, but I love what it is. Those here of the less than hygienic, pls look it up.
 
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